game over…

While the majority of you were spending your Sunday afternoons either taking in the beautiful spring weather or complaining about the delay in your spring weather arrival on facebook, I spent my lazy day alternating between a poor excuse for a pimp limp and elevated icing of my baseball size ankle. You see what had happened was earlier in the day I made the mistake of challenging gravity to a duel during my weekly basketball game without realizing that my foot wasn’t familiar with my limited hang time allotment. Upon arrival back on the ground, my ankle apparently traveled faster than the standard 9.8m/s^2 of my heel (using that engineering degree after all…moms would be proud) leading to an ankle sprain…

After hearing of this news and seeing the picture of my professor klump ankle, a homie suggested that I might want to consider hanging up the nikes and substituting bingo as a weekend activity. Disregarding this foolish advice, I began to recuperate from my brief setback through whiskey filled rehabilitation and I drunkenly considered other things society should be waving the white flag on in normal daily activities.

*cue the list*

So what other things should the rest of the human populace (because we at ubf are allergic to looking foolish in front of our peers) remove from their daily to do list…

+ your dreams of marrying that guy with a wife…if the frequent rendezvous at the motel 6 weren’t sparking a  miss cleo realization, let me fill you in on a commonly known fact that marriage isn’t in his strength finders results…give it up and stop giving IT up…

+ that moving hairline…your hairline is beating your forehead in the race to the back of your neck and making you look rather silly in the process…go ahead and give up your hopes of using that entire box of ‘just for men’ and just shave it off…

+ getting your Tyra Banks on…now your five-head may qualify you but simply posting self-shot twitpics doesn’t put you in line for antm…if the only publication to display your ‘shoots’ is facebook, then you may want to give up the model dream and spend that time cleaning the toothpaste spots making cameos in your bathroom mirror pics…

+ the adult growth spurt…you haven’t grown vertically since ’97 but you keep buying jeans a little long with the hopes that you’ll add a few inches…not sure it is your mom or dad’s fault but you are holding fast at 68 inches and that is that…yes your dream girl has a 6’0 requirement but that is why you only talk to her during rem cycles…your best bet is to buy some vertical stripes and consider avoiding all NBA-related activies…

+ living in mama dukes’ basement…the high difficulty in cashing in those coitus coupons with moms upstairs should have been motivation enough but not having the biggest room in your residence and sharing a bathroom with younger siblings is just plain ridiculous…the limited (or in some cases absence of) rent is attractive but having to pass of the phone when someone asks for Mr. Johnson is not normal behavior for anyone that has celebrated a 10 year reunion from a educational institution…

As I go back to my drink…I mean my ‘medicine’…do the progressive members of the ubf fam have anything they’d like to throw into the pile?

onetrik…these are tax deductible right…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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