the down low filter…

Many believe that there is no such thing as a dumb question. Many are also taking self portraits in a mirror right now to send to the guy they just met this past weekend. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.

Let’s just say I’ve heard my fair share of stfu inquiries to realize that folks are running around recklessly running up their dumb question meter. One of my personal favorites is when a young lady asks: “is my man on the down low?” Now common sense would tell you that by the mere fact of having to ask this question you may need to dust off that match.com profile. But for those of you that aren’t following common sense on twitter, I’m here with a filter of sorts that should put your mind at ease.

While I’m unfamiliar with the ways of the down low man, I’m luckily extremely acquainted with the ways of the up high man that only lies about the women he is sleeping with. I joke. I’ll tell you about them if you ask politely.

So once you find yourself answering yes to any of the following scenarios, you may want to run…not walk…to the closest department store for some retail therapy to offset that ‘my man laid up with another man’ image in your cerebellum:

+ prefers to hang with his boy during prime booty time hours…now the fellas may want to get together for a bit of debauchery in the streets late at night but it a completely different story if he is making it a Netflix night with Romeo instead of fluffing your gluten free cakes…

+ makes regular business trips to atlanta…but he works as a dentist so it is safe to assume he’s filling a different kind of cavity in the atl…

+ ownership of biker shorts…no amount of time in the gym makes them look good and any association with eddie long should directly lead to revocation of association with your private parts…

+ has anything bad to say about Paula Patton…he’s obviously holding a grudge for what she did to Common in Just Wright…or wants her spot next to Robin Thicke…

+ feels the need to emphasize that he would never cheat on you with a woman…while being truthful in that statement, his specifying of the logistics should raise your concern warnings to std…

+ brushes his teeth counter clockwise…now watch how many guys change how they brush their teeth…this is included to make sure you are taking this seriously…

+ and lastly but most importantly, has relations with another man while being in a committed relationship with you…this is the lightest on rocket science but the most dead giveway that his ‘DL’ tattoo does not stand for Devin Leonard…

onetrik…on to the next not so smart question…

 

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

3 Responses to the down low filter…

  1. Soumynona says:

    Extremely hilarious @ but he works as a dentist so it is safe to assume he’s filling a different kind of cavity in the atl…
    I’m not in support of either but at least he remains the dentist and doesn’t travel for the procedure. LM_O
    (any mentioning of the “a” in response to such a post is well, frowned upon in certain “Scott”rade communities)

    • thanks for the extremely helpful tidbit on referencing the ‘a’…would say we’ll take it into consideration in the future but my drinking problem will make that difficult…

      you do raise an interesting question as to whether it matters if he is pitching or catching…does his propensity to offense vs. defense make it worse or better???

  2. soumynona says:

    Onetreezay – I was censoring myself. You all never need to be censored. Keep the liqu flowing and the words of wisdom going!

    Butttt, assss for me, (just realized that I prob wont use that expression too many more times, LOL), at any rate, to keep from sounding like a totally insensitive bigot or even like Kobe the other night, I would suggest that both Lilly and barejas ask to be traded from the dodge(hers)

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