just in case you like it there…

Yesterday, Onetrik  so EXpertly schooled us on the Ex Commandments…Now I think there should be an equal and opposite list for those of us in the pitfalls of a relationship. Many times here at UBF we focus on the side chic, man whore relationship challenged. As an equal opportunity blogger person who likes to write things, I felt it was only fair to lay down some rules for the happily ensconced in togetherville.  You know- just in case you actually want to stay there.

Don’t go through the phone, computer, email etc. etc. etc.- A wise man once told me, if you look hard enough, you will find something. The same holds true for pilfering through your significant other’s PRIVATE <–(Magic Word) belongings. Ask and ye shall receive. Seek and ye shall find. Everyone has something in their personal files that they would prefer their partner didn’t see. Whether it’s the Chris Brown Twinkie shot that you saved to blackmail your ex or the slightly more than flirty facebook emails you have been sending that girl in Las Vegas that you will never meet- we all have something. Now that’s not to say there will never be a time when you may want to take a gander at what the other person is hiding. I’ve certainly done it. (No surprise there.) But the best time to play inspector gadget? At the end. Because ending your relationship is effectively what you are doing.

Be discreet – Flirting is perfectly normal and healthy, even for those in serious commitments. But discretion is key. Nothing feels healthy about watching your man stare at another women’s chest just because she has on a Hooter’s t-shirt. My favorite example is one I saw of a married male friend on facebook. He happened to comment on a very voluptuous booty shot that a not so modest young lady female posted on her page. “2 thumbs up and a sexxxy!” I don’t think he realized that showed up in all of our news feeds. Including his wife’s.  Her response was a bit less flattering. You get the point.

Don’t wig out over perceived competition – Jealousy is a symptom of insecurity. Insecurity never really wears well from what I understand. There will be times when people are attracted to your partner. But honestly? Most of the time you think people are more attracted to your main squeeze in bumping uglies than they really are. The assumption that everyone likes the person you make faces with is endearing, but silly. So doing things like emailing, calling, texting, tweeting, facebooking and general stalking of anyone in your partner’s life that he or she MIGHT be attracted to is lightweight nutbag.  Let the person Breathe- they are allowed to have a life that doesn’t  revolve around you. And ultimately, acting like a crazy person doesn’t make YOU more attractive.

Don’t withhold the sexy times – Marriages can dissolve under the terminology “Alienation of Affection”. If it’s a legally binding reason to divorce someone, you can bet your best assets it’s a great reason to peace out of a regular ol’ no strings and no rings relationship. Once you are in a committed relationship (unless you are doing that whole celibacy thing), give up the goodies readily and often. Otherwise, what’s the point? (Ok that may be the mini mr. in me talking…but…isn’t half the fun of a relationship the unlimited anytime minutes of Sexy Times? No?)

These are a few of my Hard and Fast rules of the Relationship Road. What about you guys- which do you think should have made the list?

In it to win it…well for today anyway.



About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

5 Responses to just in case you like it there…

  1. Tina says:

    Good post! I’d love to say those are a given but ladies are a little wacko sometimes so this deserves to be said. Other definites:
    1) Know how to pamper each other and do it.
    2) Identify and own your craziness… Then keep it away from them at all times.
    3) Check in when nothing’s wrong.
    4) Be each others biggest, sexiest cheerleaders.
    5) Learn about each other constantly.

  2. Tina Watkins says:

    Fascinating challenge… I’ll take you up on that. :)

  3. Pingback: Tricks of the trade: Tips for a great love-fest. « Tina

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