to be or not to be…

My dad once told me “If he isn’t having sex with you, he’s having sex with someone.” As a conservative Christian father, I know he wanted me to keep my legs closed. But he also wanted me to be aware of what that might mean.

I have a few friends that subscribe to this crazy channel called celibacy. They have re-captured some version of “Virtue” …or temporary amnesia from the last ten guys they had sex with, whatever you want to call it… and are now waiting for marriage.  I admit- I’m not a believer in it and I’m definitely not a fan. That said, I do believe in waiting substantial amount of time before actually doing the dew. Personally, I feel like you need to get to know your partner in nighttime games beyond the initial “everything he does is cute” stage.  That tends to take a longer time when you aren’t being intimate. We need to have survived a good fight before I feel like we can survive sex. Because ultimately, sex does change everything.

However, before the sex, I am pretty confident that he’s been sleeping with someone(s). This may be a generalization or a testament to the types of guys I’ve dated. But I’d bet ½ my future earnings on it more often than not. It goes back to what my father told me. I didn’t listen to half of his advice but I took that one to heart. It’s proven true time and time again.

And so this brings me back to celibacy. To be or not to be, that is the question…

I think one of the main reasons I can stomach a man I am interested possibly engaging in sexy times with someone else while I am in the picture is because it has an end date. Assuming everyone is being honest (insert uncomfortable laughter and raised eyebrows), at the time he checks into Lolita land, all other 4square-ish activities should cease and desist.

But the idea of practicing this antiquated version of commitment indefinitely until IF or When he decides to put a ring on it seems ludicrous to me. First of all- He’s screwing someone. And it isn’t me. And he’s not telling me. So I’m sexually frustrated, he’s cool as a cucumber, and he’s making ugly faces with someone else at night while spending daylight hours with me. How does this work?

And I realize there is a huge religious aspect to this. But again…does this only apply to the ladies? The same church guys I hear talking about the virtues of celibacy aren’t talking about themselves. Seems my Christian girlfriends are the only ones practicing what they preach…Do the guys get a day pass from Heaven because they are men? Or is it supposed to be one of those things where you get the “satisfaction of knowing you are doing the right thing.” (Which I’m not negating. That’s valid. Depending on who you are.)

Also- Why am I being celibate when HE isn’t?  And ‘He’ can be anybody. I’ve never heard a grown man say he was celibate.   Ever. And even if he did I wouldn’t believe him unless he was a priest.  In my opinion, modern day celibacy is a BS double standard that is only applicable on a one way street. For all the ladies preaching about the new celibacy, from the men all I hear is crickets.

What about you UBF readers? Do we have any celibate men out there? What about the ladies? Do you think celibacy is realistic in this day and age?


About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

8 Responses to to be or not to be…

  1. Tony Stark says:

    There are a lot of men practicing celibacy. It just isn’t voluntarily. Yet, I agree it is a double standard. But if you want to eliminate that double standard. Then you will have to address a lot of the others. Like the guy paying for the date. Or having to pick the lady up???? I live in Manhattan. The restaurant is in Manhattan. Why am I picking you up in Mill Basin? LOL

  2. Lolita says:

    Hahaha Ok Touche-ish. I feel like this comparison is a bit apples and oranges. In the same family, but not the same fruit.

  3. Randomgirl says:

    you’re celibate because since every other girl and their mama is already giving it up, you giving your body to him isn’t special and deep down he’ll wonder who else you’re giving it to, since he’s probably giving it to someone else as well. In order to find a righteous man you have to be a righteous woman.

  4. Soumynona says:

    Hmmmm, I like how you bring out the tension between “pure” expectations and “worldly” actions. To make sure everyone is on the same page Celibacy and abstinence are different although not always mutually exclusive. Celibacy is an idea and then subsequent course of action while abstinence is a matter of time and opportunity. People can choose to be abstinent or they may just be without someone they want to grind with/on. Celibacy is a lifestyle with little regard to the idea of sexual activity or the future hopes of some (now we see why priests have such a HARD time, LMAO). Consequently the concept of celibacy is considered by some theologians,myself included, to be contrary to how we were formed and even how the Bible reads. Your dad was telling you the str8 up deal with men to keep you “his little girl” as long as possible – that had less to do with your perception of his strict moral code and more to do with how he used to get down (i’m unsure of your appearance but given the comments your cohorts have written about you on here, that you are at worse a pie9 – 9.314159… which of course means your dad is a looker as well – And if a young man is a looker between the ages of 17-35, then he also was an unpaid _____(rhymes with looker :) My point is that I’m sure azz hale gonna tell my beautiful little daughters the exact same thing. As a matter of fact, I might throw in a few extra lines for good measure like “Sometimes the ‘thing’ falls off in you if you aren’t married, so don’t try it!” I know, sounds rough but hey however long it takes to delay the inevitable =>

    • Lolita says:

      HAHA Your comments always crack me up. I agree with you. My mom told me that she knew a woman who choked to death from banana olympics and they had to remove him from her with the jaws of life. That’s just cold! But I promise you I believed it well into my early college days :/ Effective.

  5. Pingback: just in case you like it there… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

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