men of a certain age…remix…

Earlier this most amazing month to be born in, elrock brought the ladies a message on the lack of linkage between men’s age and likelihood of wife-ing. Well as we sit together on my birthday eve, I’m going to balance things out with a special message for the fellas.

This was sparked by a post on MadamNoire.com highlighting select wardrobe pieces that mature women (not going to call you old) should be placing in the retirement bin asap. It led me to realize the gents needed a similar agreed upon list of things our dob doesn’t mix well with. Given the limited wardrobe options afforded guys, our list of ‘I became a man and put away childish things’ goes beyond just what not to wear (although we’ll touch on a few of those).

So after moving past my initial thought of just saying anything Bobby Brown has done in the past 5 years, I came up with the following eight things you are too old for:

‘it was all a dream’…while you may be under the impression that your flow is as sick as jay-z, if you haven’t turned it into a paying job with benefits and you share the same graduation year as hov then you might want to wake up from that dream and join the rest of us in reality…Monday thru Friday…9 to 5…

exceeding mane expectations…whether you gumby’d in the 80s or corn-row’d in the 90s, we all had our time to stretch the boundaries with our hairstyles. Trying to keep up with those trends with your quarter life crisis in the rearview mirror (and not available as an excuse) is not recommended unless you enjoy being pointed at…

auto upgrades…many of you clown the lady folk for getting work done to their bodies but then turn around and do the same ridiculous thing to your cars. You already missed your chance to be in one of the ‘Too Fast Too Furious’ movies so the customizations are going to be in vain. Everyone knows that Detroit only considers lime green a suit option and not a suitable paint color for your wheels…

noise pollution…while on the topic of cars, your hearing (and neighboring motorists) would appreciate some discretion when it comes to your volume control when driving. You can be a dj or a driver but you can’t be both. Your choice…

throw away not back…unless your team is playing in the big game today and you are on your way to consume large amounts of wings and beer, you have no reason to wear a piece of clothing with another man’s last name on your back…

over blingagewe previously touched on this one so no need to belabor the point. In short, no one should look like they just tasmanian devil’d a Claire’s…

going all pinocchio…back in your early 20s, bending of the truth was expected given your  lack of grey hairs (aka maturity levels). You didn’t know better so you couldn’t be expected to do better. Well that grace period is officially over as indicated by your familiarity with Just for Men’s product line. Given your position on the age hill, lying is wasting a very limited resource of yours…time.

not tricking but still dumb…if you are no longer given a week off from responsibilities in the form of spring break, spending copious amounts of non-disposable income to emulate a lifestyle seen on tv should be removed from your to do list…

I’d keep going but I need to prepare to open all of those birthday gifts tomorrow. Hint Hint. If you are unsure what to get me and you saw yourself amen’ing at least once in this post, feel free to head over to your local social media forum of choice and pass the link on. I can’t unwrap that but it will count as a bday gift in my book.

onetrik…now where did I put that birthday suit…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

One Response to men of a certain age…remix…

  1. ohhhhhhhh….can we add roommates to the list please? Grow 40 year old men should not live in apartments with 2 other men.

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