stuntin season…6 things to do to prepare for spring…

i awoke this morning to find the sun shining brightly once again…the days are longer and the dresses are shorter…these were all the indications that i needed to confidently pronounce that stunting season was upon us once again…

*disclaimer*  to my la friends…you can actually have the rest of the blog day off as this post has absolutely no bearing on your life…just know that i hated you back in january and will hate you more during that time next year…

to the rest of us that have suffered through sub freezing temperatures and involuntary auto sledding, it’s finally time to emerge from that social hibernation to lay our heads on the warm bosom of ms. spring time…ahh…doesn’t that feel nice…

but don’t get to comfortable, for there is much work to do in order to get fully prepared…to get you jumpstarted, ill spend today’s post providing a list ( i know…surprise surprise) of items you need to handle now that the pollen has arrived…

invest in allergy meds…there’s nothing less attractive than someone that looks like they’ve been watching ricky get shot on boyz n the hood over and over…now wash those claritin down with some absolut so we can move on…

clear your bed schedule…now is the time to rid your life of all those “accidentals” that somehow found their way on to your pillowtop…blackout season has officially ended so there’s at least 8 months for you to replace these scabs with someone that you really like…

gear up… next you have to pull out the trunk that contains your finest spring/summer wears and examine what you’ve eaten yourself out of since halloween…then it’s time to finger through this season’s sears catalogue to find that perfect pair of pastel capri pants to pour your milkshake into…ooh…or the stretchy pants…i pray the fashion gods never send those out of style again…amen and amen…

step on the scale and stare at the number…now that you’ve been able to track down those extra lbs, it’s time to serve them the spring time eviction notice…for those of you that believe your recent investments in skecher shape ups and shake weights have you covered, you are wronger than my ncaa bracket…

let the nail salon chicks talk ish about your life  and paint those toe nails…those hooves that have been wrapped in a cocoon of tube socks and ash all winter are now more than ready for that for that first spring time soak and scrape…you go in looking like you’ve been playing soccer with cinder blocks and come out ready for your payless photo shoot…

dust off your flask…the day parties will be starting soon and your friendly flask, along with some strategically placed oban will be there to make sure that you are arrestable before the party starts…

now i turn this flowery spring time patch over to you my friends…what else should be a part of that spring time tune up…

and let’s pour out a little lemonade for the homies in the northeast who may have to come back and read this post again in a few weeks when it actually applies to them…

elrock…april showers bring…january newborns…

Advertisements

About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: