the game of cat and mouse…

Due to an unfortunate change in circumstances, I am taking a moment on UBF to be completely honest and sans regular snark for one posting so don’t get used to it. Apologies- I’m not a fan of the change in venue either.  Sooooo, I have this feeling.  A pain in my head, slightly nauseous, throw the  covers back over my head except that I can’t fall back asleep nagging feeling. An annoyance that something isn’t quite right, eating isn’t as much fun and drinking doesn’t make it go away kind of feeling. An unfortunate lack of control that makes me know that by the end of the night, I think I’m going to be sick.  I like someone.

Let’s not get it twisted- it’s not that I disliked those other guys.  I definitely did not. I liked the idea of a few, the companionship of others, the sexy times of at least one, the laughs I got with many, the friendship I had with all. But the one constant in all of my relationships has been simple: I was always in control of at least one of us. Having trained myself to never fall too hard, get too deep or defy any reasoning when it comes to love is why dating was always so much fun for me.  That’s not to say I’ve never been in love, of course I have. I’ve just never been out of control.

In a clear case of the hunter getting caught by the game, I find myself in a situation of ultimate confusion.  Here I am bafflingly attached to someone that really gets on my nerves. He calls me controlling. He says I expect men to follow a script. He tells me I’m too emotional about work. He never lets me get my way unless it ‘makes sense’. And most importantly, most of our conversations involve him converting my logical arguments into mindless nonsensical babble.  I leave every interaction with him mentally stimulated, exhausted and extremely frustrated. Yet, 50% of my irritation is because I want more time. More time to be exhausted and frustrated, presumably.

I was told by one of my girlfriends that my mind’s temporary decent into mush could only be explained by one thing: Challenge.  It would appear that Lolita has met her match.  Because for all the ways he really pisses me off, at least half of them are because he is in many ways the smarter, less emotional, male version of me.

So while I really did enjoy the company of that other guy, the draw of this complete nuisance has completely distracted my other ongoing missions.  I would love to call this a passing fancy. But it’s been about a year of circular conversations with the same annoying person, so I’m throwing in the towel and admitting that I must like having them. I realize that in some ways, none of this makes sense. And trust me- I’m just as lost as you are. The idea of someone calling me on all of my BS, assumptions, emotional tirades and other girly manipulations is not exactly my idea of fun, games and good times.

However, here we are. Dazed and confused. Not sure whose who yet, but Cat, meet Mouse. Stay tuned…

*grabs drink*

lolita

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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