the communication conundrum…

How much is too much? These days there are a number of ways to connect to the object of your affection. There is the land line, cell phone, text message, skype, aim, yahoo, msn, email, facebook, myspace, linked in, twitter…and the list continues to grow as you read this. With all the ways to get in contact with someone, technically we should be talking every day. Right?

But alas, when it comes to the early stages of dating, reaching out to poke “touch”  can be seen as anything from sweet to stalker.  While there is probably a significant gap between ‘crazy over communicator’ and ‘random randy’, people rarely find that happy medium.

However, fear not, because the folks of UBF  have put together a list of tried and true communication ‘old faithfuls’-guaranteed turn offs. Since every situation is different, it helps to have general guidelines to prevent you from playing yourself and scaring away your future ex.

  1. DO NOT follow up a phone call with a text that says “I just called you”. – This happened to a friend of mine just yesterday. Her response? “And I just didn’t pick up.” Ouch! Do yourself a favor. Call once, Leave one message (this prevents the good old ‘i didn’t see your missed call lie excuse’) and call it a day. If you don’t get a response, it may be time to delete said suitor’s digits and move on to the next…
  2. DO NOT look him/her up on facebook/twitter/linked in/skype and add simply because they gave you their last name – If I just met you yesterday and you are already stalking me on my social networks, I might be a little put off. Play it on the safe side- don’t add anyone anywhere unless the two of you have actually discussed it. Otherwise it’s super stalker-like presumptious.
  3. DO NOT ever call some one at their job just because you know where they work. –  In a drunken haze moment of poor judgement, I once gave a man my business card because it had my cell phone number on it. Next thing I know, he’s calling me at work. FAILURE. When in the midst of a busy day, the last thing a potential mate wants to worry about is whether or not you are sweet or psycho. Unless some one explicitly asks you to call them at work, Don’t.
  4. DO NOT  “drop by” unexpectedly just because you have been to their house before or know where it is- While to the noncrazy average person this seems obvious, it isn’t. For those of you that live in Harlem Fort Greene  “up and coming minority neighborhoods”, you know first hand that people have a way of magically “dropping by” the crib. For those who don’t know better: Not Cool. We have no desire to see you while rocking the doobie, sweatpants and yellow pitted t-shirt from undergrad. Oh yeah, and it’s creepy.
  5. Pretend you DON’T see  him or her on facebook chat, mmk? – The great thing about facebook chat is that you can talk to people you haven’t even seen in ten years on demand. Now that it is integrated with aol, you don’t even have to be on facebook to chat with your homies. But nothing says eager beaver like logging onto facebook and having a red chat notifier with the number 7 in it before you have even had a chance to check your news feed and see who is oversharing that day. Facebook chat is the stalkers ‘Gotcha!’ Just when you think the coast is clear, you forget to hide your online status and here this ninja comes with a “goodmorning sexy…” ugh… I think you get the point.
  6. Save the 4 page email letters – Who doesn’t love a love letter? The only caveat is, most people can’t respond to six of them in one sitting. A nice sweet email every now and then is great. A shakespearean monologue multiple times throughout the day…is over kill. I’m not sure who has time to write, read or respond to those. But to play it safe, assume that most people won’t.
  7. Don’t poke – Put it to you this way: As a female, there is something that doesn’t quite feel right about being facebook poked. As a male, being poked only feels good if you are gay. Soooo yeah…if you ever have the urge to press that poking link…remove yourself.
  8. And finally, if some one doesn’t respond to your text messages… –  Stop texting them. This is best summed up by the photo below, taken from my own phone unfortunately.


When it comes to dating communications, good behavior is rewarded. Everything else is ignored.  If it feels like you might be doing way too much…it’s probably because you are.



About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

One Response to the communication conundrum…

  1. Lookin4Treble says:

    Wow, Lolita.

    You totally nailed it. This post had me cracking up OUT LOUD in front of my desk at work. Hilarious stuff…and SO relatable.

    I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve dealt with over communicators.

    Now, I believe that handing your job digits to a dating prospect is a rookie mistake. Although, an extreme over communicator won’t let that stop him/her. He/She will find out where you work, call the main switchboard and ask to be transferred to your line! I actually had a guy do that when I was just out of college working for at my first real job. CREEPED ME OUT!!

    The same guy randomly showed up at my job with fried catfish saying he got it for me. Yeah…KNOW that my coworkers (who were all aged 50+) were giving me the stink I…me, who then was the new young female employee with a stalked coming to the office! LOL

    Great tips, Lolita. All you over communicators out there should take COPIOUS notes!

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