just something in my eye…

As you real sports fans have no doubt seen numerous times in the never ending sportscenter loop, the Miami Heat coach went all snitch mcgee after their loss yesterday. No he didn’t call out LeBron or D. Wade on their philandering while on the road but instead in a more cowardly scenario he decided to tell the reporters that some of his players were in the locker room boo-hoo’ing over a box of puffs. Now granted it was their 4th loss in a row and they did lose once again relying on ‘king’ james’ late game heroics but were tears and snot rags really necessary?

That was rhetorical.

It did however cause me to wonder if and when it was appropriate for grown men to shed a little h2o from their optical openings. Not to say that there is anything wrong with a wet cheekbone, but you can’t just be weeping and sniffling over anything. The following should give us a good start as to what warrants tear deposits.

+ loss of your peoples…if the man upstairs decides to call one of your folks up, you can and should definitely pour out some tearage…

+ blow to the jewels…a real good blow to the family jewels excuses any crying… double entendre…yes please…

+ scuff your sneaks…in the case of a kick accident, you are warranted a single tear deposit as your day/night was just ruined and the likelihood of the scuff coming out decreases based on how far you are from the emergency repair kit at the crib…

+ on your dolo…if you are by yourself, you can do anything you want so take advantage of your solitude wisely…with no witnesses it never happened…isn’t that in the constitution somewhere…

+ during the color purple…why did whoopi have to tell harpo to beat oprah…we may never know but it was a water works inducing movie nonetheless…

+ fantasy football…as the second most important thing a man can do (next to procreation), any misfortune or negative turn of events may yield an emotional response culminating in a malfunction of your body’s irrigation system above the neck…

+ vegas…the one destination that can produce joy and pain within moments of each other…the usual cocktail mix of lack of sleep, fiscal follies and stripper lies can bring the strongest of men to their knees and yield wimpering with a chance of showers…

+ eating spicy foods…when encountered with volcanic-like food substances, shedding of tears is allowed…assuming it is only for liquid consumption to satisfy the newly acquired thirst…

With those covered, I’m not saying you’re a punk if you cry over something not included…wait actually I am…man up…but I do expect my ubf fam to back me up if I missed a case or two…or feel free to tell me how much better a world we’d live in if men were able to get in touch with their softer sides…

onetrik…I ain’t gone be no b…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

4 Responses to just something in my eye…

  1. LynneJJ says:

    do the following meet the ubf criteria…

    – birth of a child

    – loss of a limb

  2. The D.E.F.I. says:

    LOL. I’ll go so far as to say crying in sports is okay, but the stakes have to be pretty high. You lose by a point in Game 7 of the finals? Okay. Crying over some regular season losses (especially when Bron has yet to show ANY passion in the playoffs when it really matters)? Hell no.

    • agreed…sports are a tricky one…unfortunately we left it off because for every game 7 tear jerker, there are five other examples of men crying over hurt egos vs the love of the game…

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