league of your own…

Ever been hit on a guy while he was dumpster diving? No? I have. More than once, unfortunately.  I always find it interesting how the most confident individuals are often the ones that shouldn’t be. When debating this week’s topics, onetrik implored me to write about females that insist their friends are cute when they really aren’t. I decided to take this idea one step slightly less superficial further and explore the bigger question: Why is it that so many people are delusional about their own personal rating?

Most of my male friends rate women on a very chauvinistic scale of 1 – 10. While I don’t necessarily agree with the premise, it seems to be a general standard amongst single men.  On the ladies side, I think our scale is simpler. I believe we keep it at ‘attractive’, ‘average’, and ugly ‘unattractive’.  That said, “Unattractive” encompasses different things for different women. It’s anything ranging from short, balding, pudgy, too thin, broke and corny. We just throw those all in the same bucket depending on our personal preference. While most “tens” and “good lookings” are anywhere from mildly to very aware of their good fortune, most “ones” and “unattractives” are clueless. What is this about? Is it denial? Is it a poorly executed jedi mind trick? I can’t call it. Ultimately, there is someone for everyone. However, there is nothing more annoying than being hit on by a homeless person while on your way to work in the morning. In an effort  to right this wrong, I’ve come up with a short list of ways to tell if you are trying to reach heights that far surpass your league.

  1. You are constantly getting fake numbers…or fake names – If you meet someone and they tell you their name is Sarah, but you coulda sworn her girl called her Joy, it’s usually a bad sign. Upgrade that to the good old “fake number” bait and switch and you may very well be trying to climb trees way above your monkey bar.
  2. People consistently describe you as “A nice person” – At church, this is an exemplary compliment. But otherwise, it’s code for ugly.
  3. You always go for the guy/girl who has “status”…but you don’t – Much like the homeless guy who asks me for a dollar and then a date, it really is silly to chase after the guy with the penthouse when you live with your mom.  This classic groupie mentality type of thinking is delusional. Don’t expect more from others than you do from yourself.
  4. Your match.com/facebook/craigslist killer dates always comment on how you look nothing like your pictures – Translation: You aren’t that hot in person.
  5. Your dates are really expensive – This is specifically for the guys. If you find yourself constantly having to shell out inordinate amounts of cash to take out pretty women, it usually means you are over compensating. Example: Hugh Hefner I know the logic doesn’t seem to add up, but when people ask why we are dating you, we can say you are richer than God a really nice guy and treat us like a queen. Because we can’t say you are cute :/
  6. The people you are interested in always try to hook you up with their friend instead – This is the next step in “You are a nice person”. Classic deflection, the friend hookup is a no fault way of handing you rejection. Having no control over the fact that the friend will most likely not like you either, it gives the original suitor a guilt free “out”.
  7. You are everyone’s “Buddy” – If you find yourself constantly stuck in the “friend zone” it can only mean one thing: Your “friends” don’t find you attractive enough to  want to see you naked anything more from you.
  8. Your friends tell you that your standards are just too damn high – That’s a nice way of saying that you are delusional and trying to date people out of your league.

I’m sure all of the readers at UBF are 10s, so this doesn’t apply to you. But just in case you know some one…



About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

One Response to league of your own…

  1. Tony Stark says:

    Amen! This neded to be written. A lot of people are delusional. I think that we also need to address the people in their past that were ut of their league, but dated them anyway. Thereby, creating that false sense of security. They are prolly the girl from no. 5. She may be eating at restaurants that she couldn’t even afford appetizers from in exchange for Shabba Ranks to be seen with her. Unfortunately, the result is that all of the Lyle Lovetts think that they can all get a Julia Roberts.

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