please accept our apologies…

last week in part one of “ubf remembers we’re black” we took a look at some things that could possibly benefit the jacksons and jenkins of the world…this week in the maury surprise part (maury surprise because part 1 didn’t now he had a son until right now) we look at a few things we’d like to apologize for…these are of course just my opinions…but because the opinions leaked from my brown hands, they obviously represent those of the black population as a whole…it’s just more efficient that way…
now…where should we start…right…the obvious choice…

flavor flav…now in our defense, he was a member of one of the most prolific hip hop duos of all time…and we’re positive that flav was recruited to stand quietly on stage to just remind chuck d. how much time he had left in his set…but then somebody gave the king of the purple people some pu-tang a microphone…we’ve been trying to take it back ever since…

our other contributions to reality tv…from bobby and whitney to i love new york, apparently if we produce an ignorant individual, basic cable will search them out and dangle them in front of us for months at a time to completely  eliminate any hope we had for wide spread belief in darwinism…

the cheating side of tiger woods…of course we can’t accept full responsibility for this since he’s only half black, but i have a sneaky suspicion that his asian side was sitting at home counting his money while the four top resembling portion was out cruising the adulterers circuit in the rolling stone mobile…our side is probably also responsible for the f-bombs on the green…you know how much we love a mu-effin eff bomb is this mu-effa…

the lull in maybach sales…i know we’ve spent countless rap bars outlining our intent to purchase these uber-benzes and then followed that up with several more bars dedicated to all the activities that would ensue…rick ross even supplied a playlist that is 3 tracks deep (and counting) that contains all the music that we were suppose to be listening to as we reclined behind those drawn curtains…there was only one problem…no one told us that the phone number on the sticker was actually the price…studio gangsters don’t have real bullets and studio ceo’s don’t have real money…but they all still have real groupies…crazy, i know…while i’m here i should probably apologize to “lay back” “stay back” and “hey black”…now that the secret is out, you guys’ services will no longer be required…

taking over all of the fun sports…james naismith and fast willie tidwell are both probably sitting at some sports bar up in heaven wondering what happened to their babies…what started out as offensive sets with 8 running backs and crisp chest passes has evolved into a weekly concussion fest and a light skinned cat jumping over a car worth 1/7th of his game check…

the dougie…yeah we know that it’s ridiculously difficult for you to do…here’s the secret…we only invented it to see if we could get wolf blitzer to do it on national television…check…

the jheri curl…i know you weren’t directly impacted by it, but no african american apology is complete without it…

elrock…please accept beyonce and young michael jackson as a sign of our contrition…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

One Response to please accept our apologies…

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention please accept our apologies… « Us, Bottles, and Friends -- Topsy.com

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