why we’re not married…

A male friend of mine sent me this article that’s been blowing up the blogosphere and wanted my opinion. For those of you too lazy busy to read it, it is a list of reasons why women such as yourself are not married. Oh yeah- and it’s also talking about me, too.  You will be surprised to know that I completely agree with Ms. McMillan’s higher level points- she’s 100% spot on about unmarried women like me. And since she’s been married a whopping three times, I think she knows a bit about what it takes to make it down the aisle. Allow me to break down the finer points:

1.       I’m a Bitch – She is absolutely right. I do get angry. I don’t think that’s a surprise to anyone who reads this blog. I never get angry without a reason, but I definitely display my displeasure when crossed.  If somebody wrongs me, am I’m supposed to take the “high road” and just be  quiet? Or as she suggested: I should pull a Kim Kardashian and ‘smile, wiggle and make a sex tape’. Although, last time I checked, Kim’s not married either so I guess that’s not the appropriate reaction after all.  I used to suppress my temper because I didn’t want to come off as that “Angry Minority Woman” that the media portrays and a good percentage of  men complain about, which is a giant excuse for bad behavior in my opinion. But ultimately, if you don’t release your emotions in some way, they eat at you and make you…You guessed it, More Angry. It’s better to get things off your chest. I’m not advocating acting like a psycho, but if something is bothering you, you should be able to share it with your partner.  The “fear of female anger” that men allegedly have- I’m not buying it.

2.       I’m Shallow – “When it comes to a husband, only one thing matters. Character.” This is an interesting observation from the trois times divorcée. Statistics show that marriage dissolutions are most contributed to by sexual incompatibility and financial discord- So much for character. So,uh, yes- I’m shallow, as are most of the unmarried ladies in my circle. We like what we like and we remain unmarried because we don’t want to get hitched to that guy we don’t like. Whether he’s too short, broke or bad in bed, we will pass on him every single time. I admit it. And I’m not apologizing.

3.       I’m a slut – Yes. I’m Busted. I get my fair share of sexy times in. I don’t have a great rebuttal for this. I wait a solid 3 dates as long as humanly possible before getting it in and that is why I have boyfriends. They commit after a while because I took longer than the last chic my time. But apparently not enough time for him to consider me marriage material. What can I say? I like to try before I buy.  I’m owning this one.

4.       I’m a liar – It’s true: I do not state my long term intentions to men when I first start dating them and I do lead them to believe I’m going with the flow. I think the main reason why I never tell a man out the gate “I’m ready for marriage right now” is because it sounds batsh*t crazy I am not sure that’s actually true. And I definitely may not be ready with him. I think a woman’s availability for marriage is drastically impacted by the person she is dating. You simply do not know the guy well enough within three months of meeting to determine whether or not you even want him there in a year or so. How can you say you are ready for marriage? So yes- in theory, I am ready. Maybe. With the right person. But Ms. McMillan is correct: I never tell anyone that. I’d hate to give someone false hope and make myself out to be an even BIGGER liar.

5.       I’m Selfish – It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that. Just read my blog on children. Yes- I spend the majority of my time thinking about yours truly. I do not feel that getting knocked up (per her roundabout suggestion) will make me more attractive in 2 years because I will have become less selfish.  I think I will always be selfish until I am good and ready to not be. Right now, it IS just me. The things you do for your boyfriend are NOTHING compared to the sacrifices that you have to make for your husband. I’ll admit that the prospect scares me enough to be hesitant. It’s a big commitment. So Selfish? I’ll be that for now.

6.       I’m not good enough- I actually disagree with a large part of the suggestion that I am trying to find someone who has more than I do. I am not.  My ego will not allow it. But, I know a lot of women who are. I would like an equal but it’s hard to mess with perfection and so my QB is someone who matches that idea.  That said, I do agree with Ms. McMillan’s point that marriage will not make you happy. My parents have been married for 37 years. While they are a beautiful couple that I very much aspire to be like one day, I know for a fact that everything wasn’t easy all the time.  Even when you choose ‘Right’, nobody is who you think they are. It takes years to uncover the layers of a personality. Nobody can make you happy but YOU. She mentions that marriage is not about getting something- it’s about giving. I think in 2011, more than ever, women realize this and it makes them take their time.  None of us expect a husband to make us happy. That’s why we are single, silly. You are giving up A LOT when you decide to hitch your future to someone else’s bad decisions. And unlike Ms. McMillan, some of us don’t want to be 3 time losers under the guise of being the “marrying type”.

Believe it or not, I really enjoyed and respected Ms. McMillan’s perspective. I think that with all the single women running around, everyone is trying to find the ‘Formula’ as to what is going to get us married off. I don’t think there is one. This isn’t a math equation. Life happens. That’s all there is to it.

And all jokes aside, she is correct in many of her skewed observations. That said- I guess it’s how you look at it. Yes- she’s been married three times. But she’s also been divorced three times. I think it’s great that she knows how to get married. I think it’s sad that she isn’t more discerning. Maybe being more shallow, selfish, bitchy and slutty would have helped her make better choices. Just a thought. Meanwhile, can someone write a blog for Ms. M. on how to STAY married? That would be interesting.

Everyone doesn’t want to be Liz Taylor…

lolita

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

4 Responses to why we’re not married…

  1. Marcie says:

    PERIOD!!

    • Lolita says:

      It’s not that she didn’t make interesting points. I’m just not sure the things that she thinks are holding us back are always a bad thing…

  2. RandomGirl says:

    Having kids won’t make everyone less selfish, it did for me but I know a whole slew of women with kids and husbands who are insanely selfish.
    I’ve had plenty of men who wanted to marry me, that doesn’t mean I want to marry them back. For marriage I need to be in love with you. You might have a benz, a great job, be intelligent etc, but if the love isn’t there why would I get married?
    But also life has learned for me that being in love isn’t just it… I have chosen spirituality to be my guide this time. And as a result I’ve been passing on these bucks left and right cause to be frank and straight up, “their spirit ain’t right”.

    • Lolita says:

      Well I guess we are back to that character thing. I think at the end of the day, anyone can get married if they are willing to settle in certain areas. I think as the world progresses, less ladies want to.

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