easy like sunday…umm…afternoon…

i, as did many of my brethren, looked on in amazement as young lolita so eloquently attempted to convince us of something we kinda already told you repeatedly knew…one of the benefits of having a lady on the team is getting a clear view of how wrong you still can be about us…even after we give you the answers…this was another very clear case of how one can gather all of the right facts yet come to the wrong conclusion…

we like dumb women…yeeaah…no…dumb women key your car because they find one of their own pre-colored hairs on your couch…while smart women know it’s ok to pay for dinner sometimes…statistics probably will show how the higher a woman’s income is the less likely she is to be married…statistics will also show that over 98% of child molesters have eaten bread at least once in their lives…what the statistics won’t show is how many of these women have chosen to put their careers ahead of their personal lives…or how they consistently place themselves in places where single males don’t frequent…like their couches…i know far too many educated young single ladies that spend a great deal of their free time pressed against the edges of high class dinner tables across from their also single female friends…and the gay bestie…wondering where all the single men are…well, our immature selves are still in the club looking for you…business cards in hand…

we all just want sex…i believe the exact quote was ”he may even provide valuable input on how he wants an emotional bond with someone.” yeah…as luck would have it, you don’t fall into that category…but lucky for you, we have a nice consolation prize for you backstage…assuming you consider 16 minutes of futon mutilation a nice consolation prize…

we have a lower tolerance for pain…getting kicked, kneed grazed in the groin can quickly end any domestic dispute…so i’ve heard…that being said, it’s only a monthly occurrence for the biggest a**holes among us…the thought of having another human reclined atop my bladder for nine months then using my “mandle” to eject it into the world just made me faint a little…touche’ ladies…touche’…

we are less mature than women…well i guess it depends on how you define mature…following a weekend out in those los angeles streets, where we somehow managed to complete a groupie free all-star weekend experience, i know we left at least a little of our better judgment in a bucket of ice somewhere on sunset blvd…but no matter how many times we get together we never forget what’s important…the friendship that we’ve been able to build over time…so much so that we can generally avoid conflicts over who purchased/wore the same or similar attire or who gets first kissed a chick that wasn’t really interested in either of us…who am i kidding…they’re all interested in onetrik…in any even, i know of more than few female friendships that have fallen apart due to these very mature issues…

we don’t know how to be alone…actually, people don’t know how to be alone…it is a fact that people need companionship…and even if that companionship is just a lot of whoopy, hopscotch tournaments or hanging out inside the mind of john malkovich it is necessary to their very existence…i think it’s generally a bad idea to confuse “come get some” with companionship…i will admit that men enjoy both so much that they are oft times willing  to pay for one or both, but you’d probably be surprised to hear which one generally has the bigger price tag…no wait…you’ve probably already seen pretty woman…of course we love to be around you…as long as you’re not interrupting the slam dunk contest…

the pure nature of being simple is that it really shouldn’t require much explanation…which is the part that you ladies generally get right…anytime you dig further than that first level, you’ll usually be in a place that doesn’t really exist…

elrock…i love you lolita…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

3 Responses to easy like sunday…umm…afternoon…

  1. TT says:

    Guys, guys…this battle of men vs. women is never ending. We are different. We think we “get” each other, but we don’t. I’m probably the only woman I know to come close to thinking like a man, and even I don’t have it all figured out.

    Once you learn to just have fun with each other, appreciate the things you can and master one another’s “spot”, nothing else matters…It’s all jibber jabber.

    P.S. I severely miss Onetrik & Elrock…although I haven’t mastered which one is which..

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