easy like sunday morning…

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, blah blah blah. My male friends consistently tell me that women are a mystery. And whenever I demonstrate try to claim my vast knowledge of the opposite sex, they are quick to shut me down. “You don’t know men because you aren’t a man!” Wanna bet?

I hate to break it to you ‘guys’, but you aren’t that complicated. Men need approximately three or four things. Food, Sex, Sleep and Bathroom breaks. Oh yes…and ‘toys’. Toys for men take on many shapes and forms. Some like cars. Others like houses. The straight ones like women. The rich ones like all of the above.

And even though the last paragraph pretty much proves that the scientific equation of the Y chromosome has been cracked, you will still attempt to challenge me. Behold, I will not take the challenge lying down this time. There are quite a few stereotypes that the ladies have about men…that are actually almost always true.

–  They like dumb women- Ok maybe not dumb. But the average man isn’t looking to hook up with Einstein or anyone significantly smarter than he is. Statistics show that the higher a woman’s income, the less likely she is to be married. Is that a coincidence? Higher income and higher education levels usually coincide. Higher education = Higher intellect. But I’m not much for statistics. I failed that class Gold star for me, My effable status just increased! This sums it up: Go to a social event or night spot. Give a man your business card. He will NEVER use it. That’s a promise. Now- write down your number in his hand. Bingo! You will get a call text the following day, if not sooner. Little things like Corporate Titles are such a buzz kill sometimes…

–  They all just want sex – Have a lengthy conversation with a man on a first date about the value of a mental connection. Watch how he smiles, nods and agrees with you. He may even provide valuable input on how he wants an emotional bond with someone. He wants more then belly smacking and banana Olympics. He isn’t in it for sexy times. Now, offer to play pelvis hockey with him shortly thereafter. See if he turns THAT down. He won’t. And the next time you see him, if there is a next time, let’s see if he doesn’t expect you to do it again. Yall are suckers for Sex. Duh.

–  Men have a lower tolerance for pain than women  – Each month, we get our @sses kicked by our monthly love/hate relationship. Imagine if we relived every cramp, melt down and bad mood that occurred 4 – 7 days out of every month. We’d be rather depressed. Meanwhile, a dude can recall every single time his groin has met with a foot, bump or bruise throughout his entire lifetime of breathing. And we wonder why they aren’t allowed to give birth…

–  Men are less mature than women – All you need to do is go out on a Saturday night and see how many old as ish “Mature” men still make it out to the club. But even if we aren’t using that as a litmus test, we can apply a theory that is closer to home. How many of you know a 30 year old man who still goes out, gets plastered, forgets half the evening and wakes up laughing about it with his friends the next day Onetrik?   No need to answer that- you don’t have to tell on yourself. Now, put a 30 year old woman in that position. Try to wipe that grimace off your face. That’s not attractive on us, is it? Why the double standard? Simple. Everyone expects more of us. And rightfully so- we grow up faster.

–  Men don’t know how to be alone – I imagine this one will get the most protest. I can hear it now, “I’ve been single for 3 years!” I didn’t say men don’t know how to be single. I said they can’t keep it in their pants for very longalone. It is a fact- at the end of the day, single men still need female companionship. And even if that ‘companionship’ is just a lot of whoopy various ‘situations’ over a short period of time, it is necessary to their very existence. But if you don’t agree with me, I am open to being proved wrong. Find me a man that has been celibate for a year and I’ll tell you he is lying. I am open to being proven wrong…

I don’t think there is a man alive that is too hard ;) He just might be too easy…



About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

One Response to easy like sunday morning…

  1. Pingback: easy as sunday…umm…afternoon… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

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