flag on the play…

Last week, we tackled the tough topic of knowing your position…starter or bench player…

While some of the ladies took the opportunity to ask well thought out questions that will no doubt give them the leg up in getting their legs up, a few brought it to my attention (offline to protect their identity) that their issue isn’t with their position but instead the blurred lines with which the fellas are treating them…You can imagine my astonishment and embarrassment when I discovered my carefully crafted wordplay was for not thanks to some knuckleheads running around confusing folks…but no worries because today’s post should clear all of this up once and for all…

First, let’s explain the blurred lines or as I prefer to call them ‘line-stepping’…the guy in question realizes that you aren’t really a starter so he has that awkward but rehearsed ‘I’m not ready to commit [to you] at this point in my life’ conversation…being a confident and independent woman, you take your free ponderosa meal and reactivate the zoosk.com account…however the coach in training realizes he doesn’t really have any starters on the team so he confusingly treats you as if the announcer is calling out your name, number and hometown every night….but you have found someone that actually appreciates your second toe being a bit longer than your big toe and choose not to reciprocate the past coach’s attention…this in turn causes the guy to step up his chase which directly violates the starter vs. bench paradigm…

Now in order for ubf to remain a reputable source of nonsense that directly impacts people’s pursuance of coitous, we are going to have to agree to cut this line-stepping out such that the ubf logic consistently applies…now what does that mean…I’m glad you asked…

+ gentleman have to stop treating the womenfolk like positions you don’t plan on ever offering to them…if she is a Tuesday girl then stop seeing her on Saturday…

+ ladies need to operate with the lowest common denominator in mind…if while sober he explains that he doesn’t see a future between the two of you, then you should probably not place too much confidence in that late night gallivanting…words are louder than actions in this scenario…

+ in the case where a woman changes her mind about your prince charming potential, you are not permitted to resort to your ‘anus opening’ ways in a form of retaliation…

+ ladies should stop gassing up these 6s and 7s into thinking they are top 20% just because they aren’t in jail and not legally required to pay child support…

+ learn the art of deleting a number…it makes those once every 6 weeks check-in texts a little bit harder…

+ guys stop acting like ladies…ladies stop acting like guys…I know it has little to do with this and may come across as sexist but someone needed to hear that…

So for my homies that brought this issue to my attention, go ahead and copy the url at the top of this page and post on your facebooks, twitters, AIMs, gchats or whatever forum your guys typically stalk you at…

While we are waiting, does anyone have other suggestions for limiting the blurred lines?

Oh and remember that leaving comments is like calling me to tell you like the article except it doesn’t use up my anytime minutes…

onetrik…and don’t make me come up here again…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

2 Responses to flag on the play…

  1. educatedlovely says:

    “learn the art of deleting a number… it makes those once every 6 week check ins that much harder…” <- lol, truer words have not been spoken. Why do guys do that anyway???

  2. Marcie says:

    I have so much to say about the “if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all” that leads to the unfounded & unearned belief that a 6 (or 7) is in the top 20%; however, it REALLY is a blog unto itself.

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