the difference between being picky and having standards…

hello again…this is embarrassing…so i know a little while back i told you to throw away your “list”…ya know…all of those things that must be in place before you would let someone peer creepily at you across a red robin date table…i’m thinking there may have been a little bit of a misunderstanding so i am now asking you to let your hand dumpster dive and swim a few laps until it comes across that crumpled up piece of your life history…

when i penned my post regarding your need to relieve some of those lofty requirements, i pictured you taking out the list, sharpening that bright yellow number 2 pencil and crossing out a few items that you deemed a bit extra…what i did not anticipate was you flipping it over and writing a letter to the love for losers society…

we here in the ubf circle only want you to keep reading us so we can eventually quit our day jobs the best for you…so we don’t want you going around eliminating possible mates due to some minute misses but we also don’t want you trading down your lexus life for a buick boyfriend…you still look confused…where’s my list…oh…here it is…

– being picky is not wanting to date him because one of his teeth is not as white as the others…having standards is wanting him to have teeth…

– not dating him because he won’t watch police women of cincinnati with you is probably unwarranted…dismissing him because he ends up warranted and handcuffed in the back seat on the first episode is something i can sign off on…

– picky is not dating a guy because his room wasn’t clean…having standards is letting him go because his mother is the one that reminds him everyday…

– not dating a guy because he has a tattoo may be considered picky…if that tattoo is an ice cream cone with 3 whole scoops of ice cream…on his face…we’ll just slip that one right back into the “standards” file…

– he hasn’t read your favorite book…that should still be a green light…he’s memorized everything about you from facebook…red tinted octagon…

– he likes watching dirty movies…what guy doesn’t…you catch him watching one that you unknowingly starred in…grab the dvd and your keys…

– so maybe he says he’s not ready to be a parent…that’s fine, over time he can possibly warm up to the idea…unless this is an idea that he should’ve warmed up to 4 years ago when his daughter was born…this is a definite indication of a parenting impairment…

– you two see eye to eye when you’re wearing heels…that should still leave him in the acceptable height range…if you two only see eye to eye when he wears his heels is a definite red flag…unless he’s prince…then the flag is probably purple…

now i think you’re getting the hang of it…but of course you can prove it by leaving your own examples…don’t worry…we won’t laugh…unless of course it’s stupid (aka hitting too close to home)…

elrock…ray j irritates the ish outta me…just thought i’d throw that in there…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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