my favorite time…sexy time…

I talk to a lot of people. Often, those conversations occur whilst carrying a drink in my hand that eventually travels to my lips. The combination of alcohol, Lolita’s warped mind and friendly feedback often results in UBF blog posting material.

Given this reliable dataset of random people, I know for a fact, when it comes to sexy times, there is a double standard. Men engage in the three legged race as frequently as possible and win stars on the Hollywood walk of shame fame. Females do the horizontal lambada one too many times and get branded a one syllable name that rhymes with ‘Jersey Shore’.

While I don’t agree with it, the facts are the facts. Luckily, there is a work around. In speaking to one of my older, sluttier wiser, homettes, I was able to gain some valuable insight into the ‘rules’, so to speak. Ladies- the key isn’t to follow antiquated, washed up, ridiculous double standards. I would never suggest this. The secret is to circumvent them.

Women and sex are such complicated things. How you deal with a man at 18 is different from how you deal with a man when you’re single and 32. Ladies- in spite of the double standards, you can’t deal with men like you are a teenager. It’s almost like women have some really old tapes playing in their heads about how they should be when it comes to pelvic magnetism. Do it and you’re fast…don’t do it and you’re a prude. There’s no winning. So, an empowered woman learns a few tricks of the trade:

1. Discretion!! The best quote I heard from a friend this week copied straight from skype: “When I was young and single…I slept around. I’m not even gonna lie. I’ve had 3 serious relationships in my life and I’ve had way more sex than that…WAY more. BUT, I was discreet. I never hit and ate in the same circle. No guys who knew me in group A were able to say, “Oh, my boy slept with her too.” I just didn’t go that route. That saved a lot of drama and a lot of trouble that I saw my college and post-college female friends go through.” Nobody is telling you to be a nun. Be a video ho if it suits you. But make sure you aren’t hanging with Rick Ross AND 50 cent in the same week. Guys are worse than gossipy girls when it comes to bragging about conquests. As an adult woman you can do whoever you want whenever you want just like onetrik, so long as everyone doesn’t know about it. Besides, you don’t want to be the girl that smashed the homie. (Click the link if you don’t believe me. Even if you do believe me- click it anyway.)

2. Be the “good girl” for the right guy. No matter how much sex a woman likes, she always has to taper it just a little bit if she actually finds a guy worthy of getting past the sexy times to start a relationship. And if he likes you the right way, he will consider you worth the wait and respect your decision.

3. If you’re a bible beating Christian who doesn’t believe she should have sex until she gets married, don’t make that the first thing you tell a guy. Get him excited about you first before you scare him with waiting until eternity to sleep with you. (Note: A woman in her 30s with this idea about sex may be setting herself up for disappointment unless she’s dating a man who shares her beliefs about sex and marriage!)

There are women that have very unrealistic expectations. It’s good to know what you want and have a realistic approach regarding how you get it. The key is not to follow someone else’s agenda or expectations- learn how to be happy with your own. Sometimes your approach will leave you single…which isn’t bad in and of itself, unless you really want to be happy with someone instead of happy alone.

Think of sex as your imaginary friend. It’s all good until you start telling everyone about it.



About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

2 Responses to my favorite time…sexy time…

  1. Tony Stark says:

    There is a strong correlation between 1 and 2. Because if you are trying to play good girl and make a guy wait. But he knows that Suspect A (ie someone else he knows) hit it on the first date. Then that good girl act is out of the window. There is no way that you are getting more than two dates without the full court press. Playing the waiting game with him is like selling a car to one guy for 5 grand….then turning around and trying to sell the same model for 10 grand next month.

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