why buy the cow when the milk is so expensive…

i’m assuming that at some point in the history of the world some utter pilfering dairy pirate asked “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” let’s face it…even those among us who are intolerant of lactose still like free ish… this question’s meaning was somehow altered by concerned mothers and fathers in a way that allowed them to instill fear into the no-no’s of their beloved daughters…but then those daughters met mr. kinda right and the milk donations ensued…

while in another part of the world, this other farmer, with a little help from a few friends, penned another 66 chapter page turner mentioning the imminent danger that awaited anyone that chose to engage in pre-marital milking…wait a minute…that wasn’t a farmer at all…it was actually god…the creator of all milk, cows and duckbill platypuses (which i find oddly amusing)…

now, i must admit, my staunchest religious friends and i often disagree on what specifically is required to obtain that deluxe afterlife apartment in the sky-yyy, therefore i never profess to be the on-staff religious expert…however i do know that a good number of our followers fancy themselves as the strong christian types…yet still donate milk quite freely…so i thought i’d bring the question, and of course my own set of abbreviated opinions to you…

*sidenote* – this will either lead to a spirited hopefully external debate or to about 200 dry beds across a few of our most populated metropolises…allow me to apologize in advance if the latter transpires…

now, as a man of the un-cloth…i can see some obvious issues with any plans of abstinence and pre-ring celibacy (this excludes any of those “we get married in 3 months so let’s hold off in the name of extra wedding night elasticity”)…one of those “issues” wakes me every morning by constructing my daily pelvic tent…i would argue that it is impossibly difficult to convince any man, evidently even those that rise before us every sunday morning to pound pastoral pulpit lecterns (i really wanted to use podium there for the ever illusive 4-point alliteration but i recently learned that podiums are what speakers stand on not lean on…damn you educated friends), to give up pillow top pool for any meaningful period of time if he was not already inclined to do so…

i might also argue that this unwavering urge has driven some of the most loyal bible thumpers among us to rush down the aisle to exchange vows with the wrong person just because they were the only ones willing to invest in the milk machine sans taste test…

in keeping with the theme of using inanimate objects to refer to people who may actually be really  important in our lives, most men i know would ask “why buy a car before you test drive it?”…the prospects of whack sex (which will be defined in a later post)  forever or ending up legally/spiritually bound to a person who decided post license signing that they’re not even a fan of sex would be enough to send the most avid “car” enthusiast back to the lot in search of a new vehicle…

to be clear…the point of this post is not to ask whether or not abstinence/celibacy before marriage is right, as this would surely be colored by the proverbial crayola box of religious beliefs…i simply want to know if you even think it’s feasible…

elrock…i do, but only if we do…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

5 Responses to why buy the cow when the milk is so expensive…

  1. Marcie says:

    It is feasible…not always preferred…or easy, but feasible.

    I hate to sound like a broken record by saying this, but anything is feasible if it’s with the “right person” at the “right time.” In other words, you have to be mentally prepared and willing…but, above all, you have to think (and really believe) that the benefits of being with person X and foregoing said milking far outweigh the benefits of milking persons Y, Z, A, B, C, (lol) — you get the point.

    Needless to say, if we are talking about those who have previously enjoyed milking AND rationalize the sinning of pre-marital milking to be less offensive than other sins and thus okay to keep doing (clearly another blog response)…THEN, my guess is said person is finally ready to get out of the proverbial streets and is, in fact, looking for something/someone with greater substance and staying power….you know…I think as UBF as said before: ready to share the SS#, credit score & prioritize above the love for Nike. :)

    • yesss…i’ve been marcied…

      all good points…in theory…i question the feasibility only because i don’t know anyone that has been able to successfully navigate that dry river…even those that made it to the altar eventually ended up not hanging around until death did them part…

      i have known several folks to take a slightly more realistic approach (my opinion of course) of locking down the goods until they found someone they really cared for…as onetrik pointed out a few days ago, this definitely helps to separate the pretenders from the contenders…

      just wondered, if folks believed so strongly about holding out, why weren’t more people actually doing it…or not doing it…you know what i mean…

  2. shinygreen says:

    Its extremely feasible…I actually know a couple right now that’s doing. They say its difficult at times but the greater goal is more important than the immediate. You know…delayed gratification…

  3. Marcie says:

    Awww Elrock ;)

    Yeah, work got me typing, etc like a Hebrew slave…so I’ve been reading, just too lazy to respond…guess you hit my b (blog) spot & forced one out of me, lol.

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