cut to the chase…

By now , we have all read Elrock’s version of why chasing a man is never a good look.  Now I would like to give my two cents. While I normally relish the idea of giving an opposing and better equally convincing argument against the testosterone heavy portion of UBF, I will begrudgingly have to agree. And pass on my nuggets of observation while I’m at it.

I think Elrock said it best with: “and for the record…patiently waiting for someone who is not interested in being patiently waited on = chasing as well…”

This past Saturday, I was at the club with the latest and greatest for a friend’s birthday party when suddenly, that single woman’s “anthem” came on. Booties started swangin, hands went up, index fingers waved in the air….desperately unattached and more importantly, the ever hopeful ‘ladies in waiting’ sang to the top of their lungs “If he liked it than he shoulda put a ring on it!!!” Have I ever mentioned how much I hate that song? Meanwhile, I boycotted the entire effort with side eyes and screw faces (no- not sexy time faces. Get your minds out of the gutter. Just a screw face ;) Anyway, this song made me painfully aware of the fact that many women are chasing men and don’t even realize it.

I think that the general assumption is that so long as you are in a committed relationship, you aren’t chasing him. Oh, honey. That’s just the beginning.  What about my ladies in longsuffering, unfulfilling relationships that aren’t getting what they want?  What about my thirty somethings that have been with the same guy for many years, patiently waiting for a ring that will most likely never appear the ‘next logical step’? What about my forty somethings that keep telling their significant others that their biological clocks are ticking but he says he isn’t “ready”?

Without further ado… random indicators that you might be the big dumb animal of the horse and carriage duo carrying the dead weight

·         When the two of you talk about marriage or kids, it’s only because you brought it up – I never have to tell my man when to watch ESPN, what time he should eat, when to get up and go to work or when he needs to go to the gym. Now that errant toilet seat- quite another story. He’s very proactive about the things he WANTS to do. I’m just sayin…

·         He actually says he doesn’t believe in marriage – Whether his parents never married or he just thinks it’s too big of a risk, I’m pretty sure this is the upgraded version of “I’m not ready to be in a relationship.” Translation:  “I don’t want to be in one with YOU”.  Now, substitute the word ‘relationship’ with ‘marriage’. How does that look? Looks like it fits to me…

·         You have to initiate ‘talks’ with him to see where the relationship is going  –  An ex once told me “If you have to ask, you should already know the answer- and it’s not the one you want to hear.” If Ochocinco could clearly state his intentions to  Groupie, Baller Ex Girlfriend Basketball Wife Evelyn L. in spite of all the ignorance surrounding their respective “realities”, I’m pretty sure anyone can. That is if they have any intentions at all…

·         You have to consistently scare away the competition – If the only way you feel comfortable in your relationship is if your man is a eunuch limits any and all female interaction that does not include to you, it’s safe to say the chase is on! He’s a man, not a dog. If you need to keep him on a leash in order for him to stay put, you probably have worn down a few pairs of Nike running shoes.

·         You are making all the sacrifices – He lives in Harlem. You live in Brooklyn. He has a car. You take the subway. Yet every night of the week you hall your assets to Harlem because you really want to see him. Meanwhile, he barely remembers your address. I imagine if desperation had a smell, it might resemble Eau de 3 train…

·         All your friends are his friends. But you don’t have any of your own – Many a woman loses a group of homettes in the process of finally getting a man entering a committed relationship. But if all his friends are the only friends you have left, you are giving up waaaaay toooo much.  Do men ever ditch all their boys for Sex and the City and girls nights out with YOUR friends? Yeah…I didn’t think so…

At the end of the day, the key is to remember that just because you “Got” the man, doesn’t mean that it’s ok to start acting like one. As much as people will try to convince you that the playing field is equal, it isn’t. Until you grow a penis, you will always be a woman. So given that fact, do yourself a favor. Act like one. Sit your desperate tale down and let him come to you. Or find a man that will. As elrock so eloquently stated- men, with their “simple minds and innate ability to recognize rejection” are built for the chase. If you were, you wouldn’t do things that in any way resemble what I mentioned above. Because having to do all that = You. Getting rejected. But you just don’t know it yet.

Stay in your lane…

~Lolita

 

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

3 Responses to cut to the chase…

  1. Tony Stark says:

    Agreed. I have seen this new snse of desperation on the part of women. It’s a tough call. There is a very thin line between articulating to a man what you want and just being a woman in her late stages of her child bearing years that is desperate to get married. Just like everything else in life–you just have to find out on your own.

    • Lolita says:

      Yes- I think the phrase ‘doing too much’ comes to mind. There is a difinitive line between stating your intentions, wants and desires and pushing & pressuring. I’m just not sure everyone gets it…

  2. Pingback: Tweets that mention cut to the chase… « Us, Bottles, and Friends -- Topsy.com

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