the waiting game…

The avid ubf readers witnessed elrock breakdown the sexy time partner number game last week. If you missed it, do your future relationship a favor and give it a quick read.

Today I’m kicking off the week with an unbiased (but slightly inebriated) take on a different game, the how long you should wait before adding one to your total to ensure a happily ever after with the current flavor of the week. Unfortunately fellas this post is strictly for the ladies and I apologize ahead of time for any of your newly met sweet thangs that decide to heed my advice. For those independent ladies working the J-O-B but sneaking a little ubf on the side, here is the quick answer:

Take the longest amount of time you think you can keep from playing ‘johnson hide and go seek’ and add a week.

Now for the dedicated ubf fam looking for a reason to get fired and wishing there boss would ask them what they are doing, here is the reasoning behind that logic…

For starters, there is not specific amount of time that guarantees success in this coitus standoff. Similar to the lack of a flying car, science has failed us.

Secondly, adding time to how long you waited in your last relationship is highly recommended as we saw how that ended. But aren’t his engagement pictures with that new chic cute?

If we take a step back, we realize that this waiting period’s importance is driven by one factor…the longer you wait the easier it is to decipher his intentions. If lolita was correct in her declaration that every female’s worst fear is to be tooted and then booted, then the following should keep your relationship out of the 2010 rap song bin and instead in the realm of a 1994 Boyz II Men #1 hit.

Now I know what you are thinking…”my delay in giving uppage will result in him finding a lil snappy nappy dugout elsewhere”… and you are correct…sorry to be the bearer of bad news but let’s think about the benefit of this for a second: A) He doesn’t view this fill in as wifey material or else she would be in your position (regardless of if she knows it or not); B) He’s not willing to pressure you into it just for testical relief (this isn’t high school prom anymore); C) As long as you haven’t decided to enter an exclusive arrangement and are still receiving the attention and respect of a #1 (another blog another day), you are making out like a bandit.

While we are on the subject of exclusive arrangements, this should be the magic word prior to any below the belt deposits. If he can’t agree to only share Ruby Tuesday happy hour with you, then why would you share your Ruby Tuesday with him…that was rhetorical.

Because any and all extensions to releasing your ‘O’ faces helps to push off the inevitable…that post-hunching metamorphosis men undergo. While no scientific studies have been included in this post, I’m can tell you that generally all fact finding stops after this change. Those comfortable with 2 dates, 3 phone calls, 7 texts conversations and 10 instant message sessions delivering a comprehensive account of you as a person should have no worries with the wait lasting all of 9 days. The rest of you may want to consider adding some time to get to know each other a little more.

But I don’t wear Steve Harvey suits so what do I know. Other thoughts?

onetrik…one one-thousand, two one-thousand, three one-thousand…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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