the one…for now…

So yesterday elrock graced your computer displays with a double helping of ‘do better’ for the man chasers out there. And I’m sure a few of you (most likely in possession of the man the chaser has in their crosshairs) pulled out your amen button. Well before you run off to clean your glass house, we’ve got a message covered in metaphors and analogies for you as well.

In a conversation with the homie shinygreen, she brought to my attention a situation that a friend in her crew was poorly managing. Evidently after spending the better half of the last decade with her man, she still finds herself unable to answer whether or not he is co-jc penneys registry material. So while she is due credit for learning the required up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A code to unlock the ‘my man’ feature, she must have simultaneously removed the judgment level. Assuming she had more than 24 candles on her last birthday cake and is quite familiar with the thread count of his sheets, my natural reaction was how can she not know? But then I realized that it may be equally as hard to know when to get off the wrong train as it is to know if you are on the right train. All you baptists will get that one on the way home.

Instead of focusing on how to know that person sitting next to you on the couch is ‘the one’, I’m going to give you a few signs that you may have passed the point of making that decision. Therefore giving you the answer buried in that little crevice where your good sense used to be.

Similar to shinygreen’s crew mate, if you still have love emails from him saved in your aol account then you have two problems: 1) you need to upgrade from dial-up internet 2) you’ve been together way too long to need further data on whether this person deserves burnt biscuits every morning. Most people need to see at most two February 29ths before determining if their ‘I do’ has a ‘not’ on the end.

While meeting the family is a big step in all relationships, your reserved spot in the talent show at his family reunion is probably an indicator of needing an answer. While the free tshirts are great for your gym clothes collection, you should find out if this is the closest you will get to having his last name.

Speaking of family, anytime he is putting in the required hours with your children (of no DNA resemblance to him) to be in the running for father of the year contests then you may want to confirm his eligibity. You’d hate to have a Cam Newton Reggie Bush on your hands.

It may be decision time if he takes his talents to your south beach with no spf…especially if your last bedroom hockey session featured no goalie in the net. Procreation with less than ideal partners not only impacts you but also the environment. Be considerate.

Lastly and hopefully the most obvious, you find yourself engaged and sampling the happily ever after life. Unless you have one of those cloud engagements (no wedding date on the books or lacking the required hardware to signify your intentions to get your union on), your clock is ticking on being up to drop a hot 16 about what this person means to you. You might want come to that understanding prior to the ‘I now pronounce…’.

I’m sure I missed a few so I expect the thorough ubf fam to pick up my slack in the comments section.

onetrik…better never than late…


About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

2 Responses to the one…for now…

  1. shinygreen says:

    I love that I am the muse behind your story…lol

    Well said, onetrik! Perhaps you should also let us know the signs your fellow gendermates should follow…

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