top post 2010 #1…the enemy within…

*****And at the top spot we have elrock with the post that sparked the most debate ever seen in our comments thread. We also learned that the ladies aren’t in agreement on this one. Enjoy.*****

men are dogs…and we are destined to go through life screwing up any and all good that ever comes our way…we never know a good thing when we have it…yada yada yada… well…i have some late breaking news…it appears that while we’re racing through this life, consistently coloring outside the lines, it’s some of you that are actually supplying the crayolas…while ubf was out in these streets trying to eradicate infidelity wherever it occurred, some of you ladies have been doing your very best to thwart these efforts…i am looking at you well informed mistresses…those of you out there purposely wiping your back sweat on sheets washed by unsuspecting girlfriends and wives…you should be ashamed of yourselves…leading us to believe that these homes were out here wrecking themselves…

all this time we thought it was that pesky xy chromosome pairing that left us predisposed to these extramarital/relationship threatening tryst…so imagine our surprise when we realized that there are some of you who are currently peddling your panty candies at the doorsteps of weak fleshed guys you know to already be involved with other young ladies…some of whom are sharing addresses, last names and offspring…shame on you (wagging finger sternly in your direction fantasia)…

you see, we thought that you ladies had at least agreed amongst yourselves that cats who were already spoken for were off limits…that our friend mr. swizz beats would never have to worry about alicia keys showing up at his house to crawl across his piano like a bengal tiger tracking it’s prey…i’m sure alicia knew that swizz already had a wife…while i, on the other hand, had no such marital arrangement…but i do have a casio keyboard that would’ve been way easier crawl across…and i friggin love tigers…

speaking of…how about our compadre mr. woods…traveling the world honing his golf game by day, hanging out in lonely bars by night…all the while trying to dodge the love putty being tossed his way by homely waitresses and unemployed exotic dancers…they all had to know of his wife elin at home slaving over a warm gourmet cook while watching the nanny watch with the kids…

not to mention other home wrecking balls angelina jolie, gabrielle union and the infamous monica lewinsky…(note to self: call attorney and have divorce papers drawn up for the day that keys, jolie or union show up at my white picket fenced post marital suburban estate…and a restraining order for lewinsky)…

this activity must stop…and to us the next step is very simple…an all woman’s symposium where you ladies will set the ground rules for how you will prevent such home wreckage from occurring in the future…the agenda for this gathering should include, but not be limited to the following:

– how to not offer your cookies to those guys with wives permanent bakers…

– how to keep your man so filled with cookie love that he couldn’t “possibly eat another bite”…

– how to expect nothing in the divorce if your voluntary lack of baking practice sent him in search of extra cookies…

– how to establish a cookie of the month club for your guys here at ubf…(winter is on the way so we’d really prefer this one get implemented sooner rather than later)…

the floor is now open for additional topics or solutions to the ones that have been established…we will now leave you to talk amongst yourselves…but do it in the comments section so we can hear you…

elrock…fulton county housing inspector…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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