mine mine mine…

“Whose is it?”  What in blazing hell insecurity is this question about? Should I be flattered? Insulted? Scared? This new actor in my sexy times has caused confusion and trepidation. For those who are so inclined- much like many relationship conundrums: if you have to ask, it’s usually a bad sign.

 

Lately, I have been wondering why every guy I have dated over the past few years decided to bring this particular action figure to bed with us. Mr. “I Own You” is not a welcome player. While some women may be flattered by his appearance, I am always perturbed when I have to lie think or answer questions during my sexy times.

 

I am not sure how many women get asked this question or how many men find themselves doing the asking, but I decided to take this particular quandary to the streets. In order to find an answer- a reason why this specific question went from recurring to contract during my after dark games, I decided to poll some of my male friends.

 

One put it best when explaining, “ I think that the real concern when a man asks that question is…’am I good enough that you perish the thought of giving it to someone else?’”  Well that’s a silly question. Of course not! Nobody’s THAT good. Any woman with a brain worth her weight in xoxo knows that all relationships are transitory until you have a ring on that finger. And even then there is usually an expiration date. I may like you NOW. But that doesn’t really mean much, does it? As a man, this concept should make perfect sense. Yet they still go ahead and ask when they really shouldn’t. If I answer that question with a ‘Yes’, I’m being as honest as I can at that exact moment if it’s any good. But Men: Shoe on the other foot- if I asked you whose banana was it, you would be more than a little hesitant to answer, correct?

 

Another friend said: “It all goes back to what a guy is insecure about. A guy could be broke, a woman could tell him that, and he’ll be that. Ditto for not so smart or not so good looking…whatever. BUT if you tell a guy that he is lacking in the sack, it will cut him like a samurai sword. So as a sanity check, he might ask.” I found this interesting because, once again, I hate to break this to you, but- Women Lie!

I can’t be sure when this conversation topic became PC for coitus, but I’m not a fan of it. To me, this question is the equivalent of a woman asking if you love her after sex. Awkward! There is no good answer to this. Talk about putting someone on the spot! Just because I am engaging in horizontal mambo doesn’t mean “IT” is “Yours”. Maybe I like you and want to see where this goes. Maybe I was bored. Maybe it’s been a while. Or maybe you are getting ahead of yourself buddy. I am not a car and if I were, you would be leasing with the option to buy. Until somebody hands you the deed to this Bentley, you don’t own a damn thing. It’s not yours. It’s mine. And I take it with me wherever I go. So the bad news is- when I leave, IT comes with me.

 

Unless you are willing to slide that black card, you’re just a renter in this building.

 

30 days notice…and I’m kicking you out.

 

~Lolita

 

Advertisements

About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

4 Responses to mine mine mine…

  1. Soumynona says:

    And all the men go (dayummmmmmmmm!) But she must notta had this toucan sam…
    In reality, you are exactly right. Men who say this are either too pretentious or watch tooooo much por_ (rhymes with porn). Which means the ‘N’ has been greatly minimized to dammmm near coke zero. I would note tho, I’ve been asked who’s nana is this before and I retorted “Mine”. The moral of the story is men are possessive as a mofo and any attempt a woman makes for ‘re’possession only makes our (sp)h’ards’ (how do you spell heart) get bigger.

  2. Soumynona says:

    BTW, red touches yellow – kill a fellow – picture of a poisonous coral snake as opposed to its nonpoisonous imposter, the king snake – red touches black. Decades of discovery channel watching are paying off! Hmmmm, things aren’t what they seem or I’m protecting “mine” – interesting, I like the picnalogy

  3. Lolita says:

    I actually appease the QB with the answer to this question, but it doesn’t make it any less awkward. After 3 decades on this planet and no husband- I can definitely say at this point I feel like a damn liar. So I would prefer that unless he’s puttin a ring on it, the question is not asked…

  4. Pingback: you go first… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: