my life on the wing…

the most interesting man in the world is my idol…that is if it’s even possible to idolize people who only exist in beer commercials…a few days ago, i saw the dos equis commercial where he laid out his take on wingmen stating “it only takes one person to talk to a woman”…disappointment ran through me like an ill prepared pork chop…the grey bearded, ever cool, all knowing guy whom i had looked up to from my couch, had, in 11 words completely misinterpreted and undermined the most important job under the disco lights aside from the ever-necessary bathroom attendant…with this in mind, i thought it only proper that i educate him and the rest of the 17 people who pay any attention to me world on the true benefit a real wingman plays…

basic interference…mr. “in the world” was right in theory…it does only take one man to talk to a woman, but it takes a wingman to keep the other 3 disgruntled friends entertained while adhesive is being applied to the deal…contrary to popular belief, this doesn’t always mean talking to some ugly chick…a lot of cute chicks roll into the club in the same pre-choreographed v-formations as we do…our dance moves are just better…so whether it’s telling jokes, pulling quarters from behind ears or providing 20 minute piggy back rides around the club parking lot, the wingman’s most important duty is to make sure that the un-chosen feel chosen enough to let nature run it’s course…

dedicated “musical chicks” loser…if a time ever arises where the testes out number the breasts,  a true wingman is obligated to leave the pending fray empty handed…for his sacrifice, the group is then obligated to fill his empty hands with glasses containing liquids from the top shelf…

the bouncer at club onetrik…it is my duty to field and absorb any unwanted sexual advances…onetrik recently showed us what happens when his velvet rope is left unattended…not covered under this obligation is any advance from individuals from j.l. kings circle of friends or anyone more than 3 times my size…

bad time removal…some nights the fun just never shows up…but there are other nights when the fun is just bashful and waits outside for the right moment to make that entrance…this is another opportunity for the wingman to flex his…ummm…wings…sometimes he has to take the ultimate sacrifice and round up some of those bad vibes and leave the spot early so the good times can then rush on in…

recognizing when it’s your turn to be the wing…although i’ve run my fair share of wing, i always know that, when necessary, there are others that are willing to step in and take over this role…well, at least this is what i tell myself while i go on continuing to play my role hoping that one day i’ll get the chance to prove this theory…

and what is my reward at the end of the day…i do it because i like a challenge…and there’s nothing more challenging than convincing a chick hell bent on sopping up 6 dirty martini’s with a waffle house hash browns to be cool for a few more minutes while her friends love life is being steered down the wrongest of paths…that and…well…sometimes the target actually chooses you…hard to believe i know…

are there any other wingman duties that i’ve ommited…and how about wing women…do they even exist…

elrock…did you ever know that you’re my hero…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

3 Responses to my life on the wing…

  1. Marcie says:

    do wing women exist? that’s a joke right.

    tell you what, i’ll wait for lolita to address that in a blog b/c the ways women “take one for the team” can’t be properly addressed in a simply reply to your blog. :)

    • marcie…you can’t keep teasing me with these “non-reply” replies…off course it’s not a joke…wing positions are no joking matter…i’ll be patiently waiting for said post so i can follow up with a reply about how women are screwing up the wing position…and then i’ll bake cookies…

  2. Pingback: and the role of the wing will be played by… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

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