i want what i want…

“He’s just not my type.”  A friend relayed this simple, flat and very finite statement to me whilst my latest boy toy and I were trying to hook her up with one of his friends.  He was a great guy on paper- established, mature, kind, cute in his own way and most importantly, “Ready”.  My guy was trying to figure out what the problem was, but I didn’t question her decision at all.

In my last post, I casually mentioned that I had an appreciation for men of all creeds. Black, white, tan, purple…whatever.  I don’t care.  But make no mistake- that does not mean that I don’t have a type.  Race & Nationality notwithstanding, 95% of the men I’ve dated have all fallen under a certain category called HOT. I like three things in my men. A passable face (meaning he isn’t necessarily gorgeous or even cute honestly but he won’t scare my 2 year old nieces into nightmares), a hot body and some height. Everything else is negotiable. I’ll date an ugly-ish dude that is tall with some muscles before a scrawny pretty boy any day of the week. I’m a tiny woman. I need someone who can defend my honor. That’s attractive to me. Little people do not fit the bill.

But what happens when you meet someone who meets all of your other criteria and is a great person on paper- but just isn’t your type? I once dated a man that seemed like a relatively good catch. He was ambitious, owned property & his own car, (In NY, this is a hot commodity. I get tired of driving these dudes around like Benson. It’s weird and masculating…if that’s a real word), smart, ok in the face, had some muscle tone…but he was short.  In my world of being 5’6ish, short is anything under 5’10”. Homie was lucky if he had kissed 5’8”. A combination of my favorite Christian L’s and I usually resulted in me bending down to kiss my significant other.  But he had other “Great” qualities, so I decided to overlook his height impairment.

However, as time went on, instead of me growing to love his Napoleon-like personality stature , I started to fantasize about him growing. I would dream about the taller version of him. I would stare at him and say to myself “He is kinda cute. He’d be hot if he were tall.” Temptation of Tallness was everywhere around me. A trip to the gym resulted in un-ethical staring at the Tall buff guys. The train became a cesspool of tall, succulent eyecandy. Every tall  and attractive man in sight reminded me that mine wasn’t.

So imagine my surprise when I discovered that the man I was settling for actually had another girlfriend that he had been with before me. Turns out, he had a thing for thick girls, which I am not. And he was getting his thick pleasure in on the side with someone else. So all this time, I was secretly wishing for him to magically grow and he was sowing his forbidden oats with someone containing more junk in their trunk. Here I thought I was doing the right thing for myself by settling…and I still got played.

When I was 18 I used to say to my friends: “Always date the guy that’s out of your league. Sure- it might not work out. But when it doesn’t, you will have beautiful memories.  You will never be sorry for tasting what you really wanted.”  How wise I was. I’ve had regrets with men that were my type. But never on the level of the ones I’ve had with the guys I never would have picked for myself to begin with. That is the great thing about youth- you don’t let things like age or expectations cloud your vision.

Ladies and gents- the moral of this story is simple: Don’t settle. At the end of the day- people are people. And no matter what packaging they come in, they will most likely disappoint or fail you at some point. Wouldn’t you rather be disappointed by the person you really wanted than the person you settled for? In my experience, I have felt like a real idiot when Prince Average turned out to be Prince @ssh_le.  . Personally, I’d rather get played by the Mr. Wrong that I really wanted than the one that I didn’t even like to begin with. So yes- I have a type. He’s tall and muscular. I don’t apologize for that. When it doesn’t work out, I can at least smile at the memories. I’ve never smiled about the ones I settled for.

What about you fellow UBF readers- do you have a type? Would you rather forgo your type for the sure thing? How’s that working out for you? Inquiring minds want to know…

There’s a height requirement at Lolita’s amusement park. You have to meet the criteria before you get to ride this ride…



About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

5 Responses to i want what i want…

  1. Marcie says:

    I just forwarded this blog to a few of my closest female friends. As I said to them, I think this chic (meaning Lolita) reads my mind while I’m sleeping at night for her blogs.

    This post is so appropriate: not only is it almost verbatim to what I said this week, but it is also so damn timely!

    Thanks a lot; def keep it up!

    • Lolita says:

      Thanks Marcie! We always love your commentary (especially when you slap us on the wrist lol) here at UBF. It’s always a goal to hit the topics on the minds of our faithful readers, so I am glad that we hit the spot.

      In general, I’d rather be alone and happy than coupled up with the guy I don’t really want to look at for the rest of my days. I don’t need some one who is perfect, but he has to be perfect for me. I think that’s all every woman asks for.

  2. Soumynona says:

    Lolita, I’m learning from you. This was a pretty insightful entry (errr, all of them are *wink*) and it will (one day maybe I guess) help me in the future as I write my book entitled “Men are from mars and women won’t go there unless…”. But really what is impressive to me is that you provide sound advice (open for fun debates) that could probably be in a self-help book for women (and inquiring men). It’s a tad different flavor than the blog jest that is uniquely ubf (el/trik) – but it really helps round out the perspective. Pardon the personal epiphany but I was going to provide my usual “but what about this” bs 2 cents and then it dawned on me that someone can really benefit from this.

    • Lolita says:

      Thank you. I think the boys of UBF and I definitely try to keep it light, but every now and then we pass on something of substance by accident. As you may know by now, I always like a good debate and hope that my musings can inspire some food for thought or a good argument for why I am wrong. In the rare instance that we have a majority ruling of “Agreed”, I feel truly special and the boys of UBF virtually smile down on me for not causing a cat fight on their sacred blog. I am glad that this post was able to provide more than MY usual BS lol. It’s always a pleasant surprise. Thanks for the kind words, and feel free to add your “What about…” when deemed necessary…or even when it’s not.


  3. Pingback: why we’re not married… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

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