inside the men’s locker room…
December 9, 2010 8 Comments
What is it about men and sports? I decided today to attempt to get to the bottom of this by broaching the subject with my QB. Sure- I like sweaty competition between extremely athletic looking men just like the next hot blooded female sports fan, but my dedication ends before I waste set aside my entire Sunday for football, bipolarly switch between three basketball games on TV while trying to eat dinner or let the loss of some overpaid baseball players determine my mood.
In the end, the Giants, the Knicks and the Yankees will still get copious amounts of @ss money whether I love them or not. They have much more to gain by winning and much more to lose from losing than I do, so my loyalty will not determine the trajectory of their win/loss ratio. Plus- none of these overpaid athletes give a damn about me, so how invested could I possibly be?
But this is me: thinking like a woman. The what’s in it for me logical side of us usually appears during sporting events. This is a wonderful thing. For us. But many of us date men. And the inability to understand a man’s love of sports can put you at a relationship deficit. Now, I am personally not a supporter of pretending to like something that you do not. However, I was told today that my lack of “love of the game” did not mean I was not good at “Supporting my man and his sports” ßhis words, not mine. Apparently, I learned a valuable skill set that I was not even aware I had. Because of this, I was rewarded with key information on the relationship between men and sports that I will shamelessly pass onto you.
He said, “Lolita- think of something women really love- something they are loyal to. That thing that just makes them drop everything.” My answer was easy: Men. Apparently, while we are in the ladies room putting on makeup and discussing our relationships, Men are in front of a urinal talking about sports. A man’s team is the equivalent of a woman’s man. Here’s how:
- Sometime’s teams make false promises – The team was wack last year, but this year they have a new coach. A new QB. A new offensive coordinator. Everything is going to be different. Until they start playing. Turns out, they still suck! Much like a man promises to “change” only to disappoint you, teams are often unable to deliver the goods in spite of best stated intentions.
- His favorite team is draining – He is a season ticket holder. He buys all the t-shirts, jerseys and branded paraphernalia. He watches all the away games. He puts a lot more into his team than his team has ever even considered giving back to its fans. But he still loves them. Sound familiar, ladies?
- When his team loses, his entire night is ruined – He was looking forward to this game all week. It’s the playoffs and his team has made it so far. Only to lose during the final minutes of the game. It’s like having really big plans with your man. You get all dressed up. Reservations are made. You call him up. He fell asleep. Evening Ruined.
- He will always remember the good times – Just like any dysfunctional relationship, one must learn to focus on the positive. The Colts won Superbowl in 2006 but it doesn’t stop anyone from still talking about it. Peyton Manning may have looked atrocious the last couple games, but that one February in Miami…
- His favorite player is a tease and a whore – The now infamous Lebron move was quite painful for many of his fans. It seemed that Lebron flashed his goodies and flirted shamelessly with the world to get attention only to get wifed up by the wrong dude. So not only was he a d*ck tease but somebody turned this ho into a housewife. According to my QB, this scenario was actually the equivalent of seeing your old dude with a new chic. Tragic.
- He knows his team is bad, but he just can’t leave them alone – His team hasn’t been good since Phil Jackson coached the Bulls, but he still reminisces about those days. Does a man disown his team because they have yet to deliver for the 7th season in a row? No. One day his team will be a winner and then they can ride off into the sunset together he will be rewarded for his loyalty. At least in his own head. A man’s relationship with his team rivals any “Ride or Die” chic.
Onetrik once wrote that his loyalty to Nike outlasted any relationship he had ever had. I was told today that a man will be faithful to his team before a woman 99% of the time. The sad part of this statement: through my quick scroll through my mental rolodex of exes that cheated limited research, I find this to be true. I’ve known lots of men that cheated. I’ve still not met one that decided they no longer supported their favorite sports team. So there you have it ladies. R. Kelly should have created a song called “You remind me of my team…” Perhaps then we would be on a more even playing field.
What about you, fellow readers of UBF? Do you agree with my QB? Is it really that serious? Have you ever cheated on your team? Female sports fans- can you relate? Are the Yankees your side boo?
Now you can stop calling us groupies…Takes one to know one.