inside the men’s locker room…

What is it about men and sports? I decided today to attempt to get to the bottom of this by broaching the subject with my QB. Sure- I like sweaty competition between extremely athletic looking men just like the next hot blooded female sports fan, but my dedication ends before I  waste set aside my entire Sunday for  football, bipolarly switch between three basketball games on TV while trying to eat dinner or let the loss of some overpaid baseball players determine my mood.

In the end, the Giants, the Knicks and the Yankees will still get copious amounts of @ss money whether I love them or not. They have much more to gain by winning and much more to lose from losing than I do, so my loyalty will not determine the trajectory of their win/loss ratio. Plus- none of these overpaid athletes give a damn about me, so how invested could I possibly be?

But this is me: thinking like a woman. The what’s in it for me logical side of us usually appears during sporting events. This is a wonderful thing. For us. But many of us date men. And the inability to understand a man’s love of sports can put you at a relationship deficit. Now, I am personally not a supporter of pretending to like something that you do not. However, I was told today that my lack of “love of the game” did not mean I was not good at “Supporting my man and his sports” ßhis words, not mine.  Apparently, I learned a valuable skill set that I was not even aware I had.  Because of this, I was rewarded with key information on the relationship between men and sports that I will shamelessly pass onto you.

He said, “Lolita- think of something women really love- something they are loyal to. That thing that just makes them drop everything.” My answer was easy: Men. Apparently, while we are in the ladies room putting on makeup and discussing our relationships, Men are in front of a urinal talking about sports. A man’s team is the equivalent of a woman’s man. Here’s how:

  • Sometime’s teams make false promises – The team was wack last year, but this year they have a new coach. A new QB. A new offensive coordinator. Everything is going to be different. Until they start playing. Turns out, they still suck! Much like a man promises to “change” only to disappoint you, teams are often unable to deliver the goods in spite of best stated intentions.
  • His favorite team is draining – He is a season ticket holder. He buys all the t-shirts, jerseys and branded paraphernalia. He watches all the away games. He puts a lot more into his team than his team has ever even considered giving back to its fans. But he still loves them. Sound familiar, ladies?
  • When his team loses, his entire night is ruined – He was looking forward to this game all week. It’s the playoffs and his team has made it so far. Only to lose during the final minutes of the game. It’s like having really big plans with your man. You get all dressed up. Reservations are made. You call him up. He fell asleep. Evening Ruined.
  • He will always remember the good times – Just like any dysfunctional relationship, one must learn to focus on the positive. The Colts won Superbowl in 2006 but it doesn’t stop anyone from still talking about it. Peyton Manning may have looked atrocious the last couple games, but that one February in Miami…
  • His favorite player is a tease and a whore – The now infamous Lebron move was quite painful for many of his fans. It seemed that Lebron flashed his goodies and flirted shamelessly with the world to get attention only to get wifed up by the wrong dude. So not only was he a d*ck tease but somebody turned this ho into a housewife. According to my QB, this scenario was actually the equivalent of seeing your old dude with a new chic. Tragic.
  • He knows his team is bad, but he just can’t leave them alone – His team hasn’t been good since Phil Jackson coached the Bulls, but he still reminisces about those days. Does a man disown his team because they have yet to deliver for the 7th season in a row? No. One day his team will be a winner and then they can ride off into the sunset together he will be rewarded for his loyalty. At least in his own head.  A man’s relationship with his team rivals any “Ride or Die” chic.

Onetrik once wrote that his loyalty to Nike outlasted any relationship he had ever had. I was told today that a man will be faithful to his team before a woman 99% of the time. The sad part of this statement: through my quick scroll through my mental rolodex of exes that cheated limited research, I find this to be true. I’ve known lots of men that cheated. I’ve still not met one that decided they no longer supported their favorite sports team. So there you have it ladies. R. Kelly should have created a song called “You remind me of my team…” Perhaps then we would be on a more even playing field.

What about you, fellow readers of UBF? Do you agree with my QB? Is it really that serious? Have you ever cheated on your team? Female sports fans- can you relate? Are the Yankees your side boo?

Now you can stop calling us groupies…Takes one to know one.


About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

8 Responses to inside the men’s locker room…

  1. Kreme says:

    Now, I am a woman who loves sports, but it is true that I am not as “dedicated” to a team like a man is.
    You are right Lolita, men do not switch their loyalties between teams. They ride or die with that team.
    Now me on the other hand, I watch football every Sunday, Monday and occasionally Thursday, and I watch basketball as well. Now, my loyalty to the Giants are a little more stronger than my loyalty to the Knicks. I have switched from being a Knicks fan to being a Boston fan. But as soon as the Knicks pick it back up and start winning championships, I will become a Knicks fan again…lol(and front like I always have been)

    My husband on the other hand rides with his team til the end. He has been a Mets fan since 86 and still is to this day, even though they SUCK!!

    You see, I think men behave this way towards sports because sports make them “manly”. They grow up playing football and basketball and they get coined the phrase “jocks” and it boosts their egos. Now if they behave the same way towards women, these men are now looked at as being “whipped” and “soft”. Its not fair, but it is the truth.

    • Lolita says:

      Funny you mention that. My QB was explaining to me that being good at sports as a boy growing up was like being that pretty girl in school for a female. He believes socialization has caused this unnatural attachment lol!

      Guys that weren’t good at sports were considered the nerdy dudes. In the end, while in many ways I find it silly, it’s good to see that men are passionate about something lol. Now If we can transfer that loyalty…

    • i’d argue that we are consistently loyal towards sports because sports consistently makes sense to us…we know the rules from our childhood…when rules change there’s a week of articles on espn and yahoo explaining the whats and whys of the change…even when our team is losing, we know exactly what the problems are…we have the luxury of sports announcers, post game analyst and sports radio to help us flesh those out…and then each one of us can discuss ad nauseum how to correct those…if my lady shows up pissed, i’m generally grasping at straws trying to come up with the right answer…her rules change with no rhyme or reason and then she’ll argue with me about something that i’d found out later wasn’t even the real problem…even consulting with other ladies yields limited results…so i then shift my focus back to my tv and my team in hopes that by the time the game is over, she would’ve forgotten what she was mad about…never really works though…

      • Lolita says:

        LOL. Well what can I say to that? But what about a team like the Jets. It’s kind of hard to be loyal when their offensive coordinator got the job through nepotism and their head coach’s strength is defensive plays. Yes- we now know the reason why there offense is inconsistant. But now that you know the whys, does it justify staying? Especially if you know where you can correct it (find an offensive coordinator who has at least coached before), but it will most likely not be fixed. It’s like telling your girl she has poor hygene. Now she knows. But it won’t be fixed this season. Do you stick around?

      • of course you stick around…because you love them…err…her…
        plus we’ve witnessed the rise of the rams in the late 90’s and the patriots in the 2000’s and even the cardinals a few season ago so you always feel you’re just one small change from greatness…so you stick around waiting for next season just so you can see these bad times eventually pay off…i think it’s similar to that commitment thing i keep hearing people talk about…

      • Lolita says:

        And by the way my question doesn’t negate your response which of course, was hilarious and unfortunately a little too close to true…

  2. Soumynona says:

    Interesting post. I will not completely disagree with you (although I want to but I think that’s just the overly defensive male response to females in their cookie jar(s)). Here’s why:
    I agree that we men have made graven images of our teams. We’ve celebrated with them (without paycheck), defended them, made excuses for them, bla bla bla. However, I think men are evolving (believe it, we do change – it’s an inside out process so it takes a while to manifest =>). We appreciate both talent and our teams. I’m not a Jazz fan, as a matter of fact, I think Utah needs to secede out the country. However, I love watching my dude D Williams play. So much so that if he beats my team, I’m not too upset (as long as its him making the last second shot in double OT). I think fantasy sports has altered how men view their “team”. How many guys only use players from their “teams” to fill their roster spots on their bball and fball teams? A true die hard fan for his team would draft only players from his beloved team and if that team is the Lions then darnit, every week I’m keeping Brady on the bench and starting Drew Stanton…until I am eliminated from playoff contention. That’s not the case anymore, we have been coerced to root for TO bc he’s on my fantasy, even though he’s playing against the Cowboys.
    For all those stuck on the Lebron ish, join a bball fantasy league with monetary rewards and ask yourself who should you pick first, 2nd, and 3rd? Feelings are feelings and all that ish fades away. I promise you I was more upset that my fantasy team lost this week in the 1st week of playoffs than I was excited that my fave fball team won and kept themselves in the playoff hunt.
    Now I said all this bc this set-up is more similar to man’s mockup. We are proned to having a lack of ‘total’ commitment. We live in a fantasy world. Hell if my girl…errrr wife…errr homey starts trippin over an extended period of time (last 3 wks 6dys 5 hrs), I trip for a sec than it’s on to the next – theinternetisforporn.
    So if your guy seems more invested in his team than his boo, it’s really a perception thing. Chances are he’s more interested in …himself. Guys that appear to be loyal to their boos (scary) are generally loyal by observation (someone watching) and not declaration (his chick saying so)

  3. Pingback: ubf and 2010 walk into a bar… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

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