bags fly free…

Charging for bags is wrong.

Especially when I’m planning on being back home for nearly two weeks this holiday season in the cold of the midwest…pray for me as I’m not sure how my plan to double up on undergarments is going to help deal with this thing the world outside of LA calls winter.

However, the airlines (with the exception of these noble fellows at Southwest) aren’t alone when it comes to improperly charging for baggage. Yes I’m looking at you…and you…and you too minimizing the screen now. Given that some of us (*cough* lolita *cough*) are going on 10+ years (or more for those with expired player cards) in this adult dating game, everyone has some form of dating baggage they bring into new relationships. Just yesterday, elrock eloquently pointed out how your past was preventing you from getting that new @ss or something along those lines as I got caught up in the pony analogy. As with any problem, we should look to the bright side of those extra dating lbs potential contenders have acquired throughout the years.

Assuming no one is going to jump up to admit to their dating checked luggage, I’ve pulled together a random mixture of things potentially encountered in an average google session getting to know someone period along with the positive side effects:

+ She has a plus one for the next 15 yrs or so…instead of writing off baby mama just know that you are seeing her at post baby weight and still all you can think about is coitous vs. the 23 yr old tendoroni that can’t fit in her jeans if she drinks a diet soda…not too mention the significant savings you received by missing the Pampers phase…

+ None of the keys on his keychain actually go to a car…while you may need to make a few more stops at the Shell station than with your ex, you can be fairly certain he won’t be needing a bondsman for any dui’s on Friday night…but for the sake of late night romping, you might want to make sure you stay right off of the bus route…

+ The commitment Wikipedia page is in his interwebs history…his lack of signing up for the long term means you can get on that T-Mobile Family plan for only an extra $5 each month assuming you two make it to the next season (of weather not your relationship of course)…but you might want to keep the receipt to that phone to make a return easier…

+ Her nickname is Snoop and it has nothing to do with the cartoon or rapper…you’ll no longer have to wait three weeks to find that $20 in your jeans as she will have found it prior to the next morning…and you don’t have to reset your phone when you forget your passcode because she can unlock it while you are in the shower…

+ She was 8 karats away from being on Football Wives…come next fall you don’t have to spend $8.99 on that fantasy tips book as she can give you more insight than you ever wanted to know about all the guys in the first 8 rounds of your draft…but you may want to avoid attending any local professional games and college just to be on the safe side…

Now that we got those out of the way, what other baggage does your “he would be my man if” have that you are struggling with? I’m sure the ubf fam can find the silver lining in the heap of mess he carries in his romantic satchel.

onetrik…let though without baggage be married already…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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