temporary insanity…

One of my favorite twitter peeps tweeted something along the lines of “Men always try to call a woman crazy. But y’all never tell what you did to MAKE her crazy”. Touché.  But it doesn’t really matter, does it. Even when justifiable, one never wants to be the crazy chic. On my second date with my current QB, he asked “So, what’s wrong with you? Are you crazy?” This was his way of trying to find the chink in my perfection armor. My answer was simple and honest: “Sure I am. Aren’t we all?”

Men- I’m going to let you in on a little secret. We ALL have an inner crazy. And if you see it, it’s probably your fault. So if you are looking for someone who doesn’t, date another man. Why do you think Halle Berry is always single? Because she is CLEARLY insane. If you don’t believe me, watch her Oscar speech. (Wow I just watched it again. Yeah she’s nutz…but I digress…)

Any woman who denies this is probably batsh*t …well…in denial. Now Ladies- I welcome your comments claiming your maturity and lack of inner crazy, but it’s gonna take a bit more than that to convince me. Having years of experience in appearing calm, cool and collected, I know it’s all an act.  Just because you don’t activate your crazy card doesn’t mean it didn’t come in the mail.

My general rule is: Nobody is worth it. When I get that itch, that niggling feeling to act a damn fool, justified or not- I remind myself that I am not interested in being THAT chic. I don’t want to be the infamous psycho broad that my best male friend and I STILL talk about. While I fully admit to having an inner stalker crazy person hiding beneath my well coifed excellence, there is no reason why she has to make an appearance. The fact is that while my inner crazy is a character to be reckoned with, my ginormous ego will have her running scared like Money Mayweather and a real fight. To that end, I present to you the checklist: Things to avoid when your inner unwell person is trying to rear her ugly head. Before you get to car keying and burning clothes on front lawns, there are tell tale signs. Like a werewolf on a day with a full moon, recognize and Suppress them.

  • DON’T put the Cell phone on vibrate and then check it a million times – Waiting for that call back? Don’t. If you have to stalk your cell phone the way you are considering stalking your man, he’s probably not going to call. Meanwhile, that crazy b*tch person inside of you is plotting contemplating her next action just in case the phone never rings. It’s gonna be a long night…Just turn it off and go have a drink.
  • DON’T use the bat phone – OK, I admit it. I have a phone number on a blackberry that I never really use…well except for at times like this. Dude is MIA and not responding to my calls/texts. Oh wait. I think I’ll use that other phone now…STOP! This is borderline behavior. It’s a personal setup. Why torture yourself with the obvious. Yes, he’s avoiding you. Calling from the mysterious bat phone will verify this, but it will also verify that you are starting to lose your mind. Is it really worth it when the writing is already on the wall? I think not…
  • DON’T borrow a friend’s phone or utilize the infamous and not very original *67 – Much like the scenario above, this never ends well. If a man is purposefully ignoring you, you don’t think it’s a wee bit obvious that he is suddenly receiving “Blocked” phone calls on his cell at the same time?  Been there, tried it, and uh…yeah he knew it was me.
  • DON’T even think about doing the drive by – If I had a nickel for every time this turned out to be the worst idea in the world, I wouldn’t be writing this blog. If you have ever owned a vehicle at the same time as suspecting your man was a cheating, lying, SOB then you have done the infamous “Let me just see if he’s around” drive past his house. This is BAD. Let’s do a shoe on the other foot scenario. You come home and see your dude’s car parked outside your house with him hunkered down in the front seat trying to be inconspicuous. Yeah…
  • DON’T call his friends or family inquiring about his whereabouts – I once had a friend who called all of her man’s best friends trying to find him. Just because you are cool with his friends doesn’t mean you should call them. Ever. Now they know you are crazy, too. Good work.
  • DON’T in the heat of the moment try to make him the Tina to your Ike – While this seems self explanatory, many a woman has learned the hard way. Just ask Rihanna any woman who has decided to smack her man due to his bad behavior. I’ll pass on some good advice that my Dad gave me: Don’t ever hit a man unless you plan on getting hit back, Crazy.

It’s unavoidable – Men often do things to bring out our inner demons. But when someone else is wrong, don’t make yourself more wrong. The high road sucks but that’s where your pride, ego and self respect live so you gotta take it. Some things cannot be undone. Nobody wants to be a cautionary tale…

Xoxo,

THAT chic: Lolita

 

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

10 Responses to temporary insanity…

  1. Marcie says:

    THIS. IS. CLASSIC! 100% on point. My favorite line that I use often: Yes, I’m crazy. All women (people) are. It’s just about knowing whose (brand of) crazy you can deal with.

  2. Love it! Instead of “acting crazy” remind yourself that “I am not crazy” and the very reason why I was to do any of the above is because something is wrong. If you feel it… it is there!

    • Lolita says:

      Agreed! I always say “Once some one triggers your crazy switch, it’s usually time to go!” We don’t get upset for no reason. Maybe I’ll write about the crazy switch triggers next time…

  3. Lookin4Treble says:

    Wow – Lolita!!! I loved reading this. Too, TOO funny and very true. I believe that ALL people (both men and women) have some inner crazy in them, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. As a younger woman, I know I had my crazy moments. Luckily, it was never anything too out of hand…nothing that a little age and maturity didn’t fix. LOL

    Thanks for always posting such stimulating and provocative blogs! I find myself looking forward to them. Keep ’em coming, sistah!

    • Lolita says:

      Thanks! I agree- everyone has a bit of nutty buddy in them. Thanks for the positive feedback :) Also, I do try my hardest to provide thought provoking (re: ridiculous) photography for the blog so thanks for noticing.

  4. Lookin4Treble says:

    P.S.

    I LOVE the pics you choose. This one of Halle Berry had me almost falling out of my seat with laughter. You’re too much!

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