what the sports world can teach us about breakups…

welcome back ubf’ers…hopefully the thanksgiving holiday/black friday combo has your bellies full and your wallets as empty as mine…but a word of caution to those expecting gifts…my wallet was empty way before the target trampling started…as most of you know, when i’m not out drinking and making bad life decisions counseling our followers on all the ills beauties of meaningful male/female relationships, i am glued to my 52 inch picture machine watching andre johnson doing his best ike turner impression on cortland finnegan’s helmetless head skilled athletes perform in games of skill and endurance…one can learn a great deal from the challenges these athletes face from game to game but today the pessimist in me wants to focus on what happens when happy endings are aborted (and subsequent tips withheld) and things don’t go according to plan…here are some nuggets we can take away from sport’s messiest break-ups…

art model and the baltimore colts – perhaps the most classic of all asshole breakup moves is to get up sometime around 2 in the morning while the mate sleeps peacefully, pack up atari, stetson cologne and your parachute pants, leave a note and some pocket change on the counter and relocate to another city…this is the stunt that one art modell pulled on the city of baltimore back in 1984…karma being what it is, those new indianapolis colts reveled in mediocrity until they selected one peyton manning in 1998…they then replaced that mediocrity with regular frustration…

lebron james and the cleveland cavaliers – another jewel of a break up is to not tell the breakee directly but to instead announce it very publicly via tweet or facebook status change…as i’m guessing not too many people would tune into your press conference…your old mate might still take great pride in finding out that you and your new boo aren’t exactly off to the greatest start…but that pride will be short lived as they soon come to realize that the new boo is indeed still better than they are…

brett favre and minnesota Vikings coach brad childress – imagine that you were on the verge of a breakup only to fly to your finna-be-former boo’s hometown in southern mississippi  to beg them to rejoin you in hopes that you may be able to capture the magic you two once had…then one day you are hulled up in your minneapolis home, unemployed in your spectacles, tighty whiteys and your i hate zygi t-shirt, realizing that the peaches and herb reunion that you had hoped for is more of i wish i never met her/him situation…

krause, reisndorf and the chicago bulls dynasty…you had a match made in heaven…experiencing happiness that others only dreamed of…but you were convinced that you could do better…that you could run out and find another that would be just as good, if not better than the ones you had celebrated 6 previous junes with…for one mr. krause, our “grass is greener” post came about 12 years too late…as the united center has been available for rent every may/june since mj and phil “all i do is win” jackson departed the windy city…

excuse me a second…that last one still brings tears to my eyes…but there you have it…and as a bonus, you ladies can now drop any one of these stories into a casual conversation with a potential mate and watch those bonus points go up faster than eddie long’s jimmy at a harlem boy’s choir concert…c’mon…it’s been like 2 months now…

are there any other breakups that i left off this list…

elrock…mj…fadeaway…perfect…

Advertisements

About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

3 Responses to what the sports world can teach us about breakups…

  1. LOL! I love it! You could throw in Michael Jordan Hangs Up His Sneakers….For Baseball? Really?

    • you’re right…that was huge miss on my part…mj gives up his true love for one that his noticeably less attractive…then comes to his senses and returns to the open arms of scottie pippen…another epic break-up to make up tale…

  2. LOL! I love your blog! Keep it up!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: