f-mail…and f-book too…

on tuesday of this week, our lives changed forever as facebook announced that they would be introducing their own version of email…and by changed forever, i mean stayed pretty much the same…kinda like when portland found out that greg bowie oden would be out for the season…again…

as my un-excitement subsided, i quickly began to think about all of the other joyous things facebook had brought into my life…this post is an ode to all of the new b.s. we all now have to deal with those new found joys…

– profile stalkers…now that facebook has been improperly tagged as the recession friendly e-harmony, it has become the go to spot for the socially and financially challenged…it also works wonders when you’re too crazy to get accepted by e-harmony that free communication weekend is still more commitment than your poor heart can handle…

– the hateration proliferation…apparently now that everyone has access to the online cliff notes version of your life, they all hate you or just hate on you…and for very good reason…i mean look at all you’ve accomplished with your 0 – 1 degrees, your 427 pseudo friends and your access to youtube videos…i think i feel a little hate coming on right now…every time i see how great your online life is, i grab my online life by the ear, drag it to the roof and dare it to jump…”you smoke crack don’t you”…

– accidental philosophers…i don’t know where i’d be without my daily dosage of facebook dr. phil…you know those facebook statuses that not only remind you that life is not so bad, but also remind you that it might be time to prune the facebook friendship tree just a tad…

– mirror assisted photography…nothing says friendship like a profile pic of a person who couldn’t find a single friend to hold the camera…

– cryptic statuses…”i like a number 2 on the dresser”…because we all know the best way to raise breast cancer awareness is to confuse the ish outta half the facebook world…dammit…there i go hating again…

– the honesty box…honestly, i actually miss this one and wish it was still cool…the only thing better than facebook stalking is anonymously letting the stalkee know they’ve been stalked by leaving behind an online foggy mirror note…

– primetime thunder stealing…this one is really on behalf of the west coast contingent that log on at 6:34 pm, only to have their “glee” glee stolen as us east coasters recklessly announce which songs the glee-ers…umm…gleelies…umm…glee people decided to perform that evening…

– the kobe bryant – lebron james love/hate fest…one of them is the best player in the nba today while the other is kobe bryant the reason children die of starvation and horrible diseases in some far off country you’ve never heard of…which is which will be debated in statuses and comments anytime either takes the court…

– farmville…i don’t know what it is but i do know we don’t get along like oil and luther vandross’ curl water…

i really would like to thank facebook land for the 12 – 13 chuckles it delivers, letting me know it’s ok to start calling eva longoria again which celebrity is back on the market and for directing a few people this way everyday…

i know i must’ve missed something…i’m leaving it to those kind hearted ubf’ers to let me know what it is…

elrock…inbox me any question and i promise to answer it in my status…unless it’s not about sex…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

5 Responses to f-mail…and f-book too…

  1. SpaceAge says:

    lmao “every time i see how great your online life is, i grab my online life by the ear drag it to the roof and dare it to jump…’you smoke crack don’t you’…” hahahahaha…..ha! I love the Lean On Me reference. So appropriately fitting. This is by far the realest post that breaks the world known as facebook down! My sentiments exactly. Good job!

  2. Pingback: Tweets that mention f-mail…and f-book too… « Us, Bottles, and Friends -- Topsy.com

  3. TT says:

    I think you misused your strikethrough on the section about the best player in the nba….but, I guess when you move away from the westside, you halfway lose your damn mind!

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