extra points…

dammit lolita you got us us again…despite our best efforts to keep some of our dirty laundry in house, you reached into the depths of  our lust-life’s hamper and yanked out a soiled pair of boxers that we had hoped would never see the light of day…in our quest to bed celebrities establish as many double standards as possible, we decided to allow celebrity chicks to acquire the same enhancements we continuously give you grief about…and the reasoning is quite simple…those enhancements allow our favorite celebrities to not screw up our unrealistic views of them as they make their way across that 52” high definition screen…and for this, they are allotted unearned bonus points…shameful, i know…

well, now that the drawers are out of the hamper, we might as well discuss some other instances where some ladies are allowed to take advantage of our stupidity unfairly run up the score…

– being on tv…they say the television adds 10 lbs, but i would argue that it also adds 1.5 points to the dime-meter…from weathergirls to nfl sideline reporters, women that grace the small screen seem to always find their way into the trunk of my “she-can get-it-mobile” …well…except pam oliver…because sometimes it looks like her head is being sexually assaulted by an unyielding wombat…but if a rare cowboy w just so happened to put me in a good mood, i still might be willing to join that national geographic-a-trois…

– physical anomalies…although one ms. minaj always seems to come to mind when this subject arises, she is definitely not the only one that benefits from those points awarded to the ladies that have convinced the gene pool to shoot a little extra their way…whether it’s king sized pillows up top or supersized seat cushions down below, these women often have us forgetting where we should be directing our conversations…mainly because we have realized that looking to high up might cause something else to go down…and i’m not talking about unemployment…

– resemblance to someone famous…the next best thing to being hit on because you’re famous, has to be being hit on because you look like someone who is…we are often willing to overlook your lack of personality and other redeeming qualities by replacing those with the thought that perhaps one night, during an extraordinarily passionate 6 minute 34 second love wrestle, you might belt out a few lines from “you don’t know my name”…and you would be oh so correct…which is why i have you stored as “chick that looks like alicia keys” in my cell…

– that one lesbian experience…yeah i know you were drunk off alize and high on mushrooms, two things you have subsequently given up, but the thought that under the right alize/shroom alternative induced haze, you might somehow find it in you to return to the shores of lesbos with me as your navigator, keeps me yanking out the visa to finance those mini bottles of moscato…if only moscato wasn’t just expensive kool-aid…

whew…fellows…doesn’t it feel good to get that burden off your chest…and a special thanks to our fairer contributor for helping to bring our indiscretions to the light…

now to our favorite portion of the post…crowd participation…to my guys out there…what else are we giving undue credit for…ladies, what else do you see us paying erroneous homage to…on your mark, get set…

 

elrock…now where’s my can of unicorn meat…

 

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

4 Responses to extra points…

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention extra points… « Us, Bottles, and Friends -- Topsy.com

  2. Soumynona says:

    So I’m really speechless in part bc you perfectly captured everything I was thinking. Dammmm, now there is really no need for me to start my own blog when you guys keep reading my mind! And the “resemblance to someone famous” note is tremendously creative and hilarious

    Funny, good, and daring post!

  3. Gordon Willz says:

    Workout attire. There’s something about tight black leggins and Shox that will earn a 4.7 a second look or three from me in the gym.

    SN: I used to kinda semi-dig Pam Oliver (about 4 Twinkies ago), although she clearly isn’t really hot, there was always something about her knowledge of sports and wide mouth that I found attractive. And while she’s cuter than Pam, I have a similar admiration for Jemele Hill….she’s got purty eyes.

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