my love for ms. piggy…

From time to time, the ubf crew brings a metaphor to the party. We introduce her to our close friends. We get her a little tipsy to help loosen up. Enjoy some laughter over appetizers. We have fun. Our friends have fun. All thanks to the metaphor.

Today is not a metaphor…I repeat…Today’s topic is not a metaphor.

By now our committed readers are probably aware of my true loves by now, but I’ll share with those of you newer play cousins. I love all things videogames, nike and mama onetrik. With a few exceptions, those things will receive priority in my world. While not quite in that echelon but included in the 200s level is an additional love interest: bacon.

My pork-intolerant folks out there may want to excuse themselves from the table because I’m about to spend some time talking about my beloved fatback.

What makes ms. piggy strips so delightful you may ask?

+ it is delicious. Any one that disputes this is a liar and the truth is not in them.

+ quite possibly bacon is the best enhancer known to mankind. No matter the food incorporated, the end result will be measurably more enjoyable to your taste buds when bacon shows up. Seriously, even bacon flavored ice cream gets me to turn the other cheek on my beef with lactose.

+ hands down the most integral ingredient to the sandwich industry. No one wants an “LT” and a club sandwich is merely a turkey sandwich with an extra piece of bread sans cured pork. We might as well go ahead and make Subway a cookie shop.

+ Folgers would have you believe that a cup of joe is the best part of waking up. Ha. False advertising at its best. The combination of the sizzling sound with the smell of pig belly is the best alarm clock you could be awaken by.

+ two words: Bacon Bits.

+ bacon is manly…said another way, it can kill you. There is nothing healthy about it (given the large quantities of fat and sodium) which makes it that much more enjoyable.

+ bacon drips aka bacon grease aka lard basically raised me. For those of you unfamiliar, every other meal growing up was magically made thanks to scoops from a random glass jar of said drips. To this day I still save jars just in case mama onetrik (or one of the contenders) decides to come through and throw down.

+ lastly, you know it is good when it is imitated. Whether it is turkey or vegetarian, it is often replicated such that everyone can partake in a form of its goodness.

This concludes my ode to man’s meat. (pause)

My fellow lovers please feel free to chime in with your own personal reasons for loving bacon.

Again this is not a metaphor…She will be back next week…I promise.

onetrik…I’ll take her if Kermit is still trippin…


About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

4 Responses to my love for ms. piggy…

  1. Marcie says:

    *paused* @ “pause” & smdh, lol

  2. Pingback: Tweets that mention my love for ms. piggy… « Us, Bottles, and Friends --

  3. Ms. Piggy's Owner says:

    LMAO!! I also share this love for bacon. Thanks for telling the rest of the world, assuming the world reads this blog, why they should love it as well! I will forever hold this post close to my heart.
    “it is delicious. Any one that disputes this is a liar and the truth is not in them.” sounds like my 90 yr gma who also loves bacon! hahaha Live Long and Prosper….in baconnnn! Ok, I’m done.

  4. eSQape says:

    So…. this comment comes very late, but what can I say? I’ve been eating bacon… yes, for the past two weeks and I must say I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. LOL.

    No, but really – I love bacon. I’ve considered Islam, but then ruled it out b/c of the no “swine” rule. I don’t think I could ever get serious w/ a man who was anti-bacon, b/c best believe if we have kids they will be fed pork – no ifs, ands or buts.

    Lastly – the definition of bacon is “pork strip” – am I the only person that gets irked by the term “turkey bacon”?? Not only does it not tastes as good, it’s just flat out the wrong use of the English language. “Turkey pork strip” makes absolutely no sense…. I could go on, but I’ll spare the readers…

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