digital girl(s)…

My mom has a great saying: How you get a man is how you lose him. Now granted, she was referring to man snatchers ladies that follow the OPP method of booty acquisition, but I find that this credo can apply to almost any situation.

In this day and age, there are countless ways of meeting your potential ball and chain mate, however more and more people are turning to Onetrik’s “Interwebs”., Eharmony, JDate, etc. are just a few of the websites out there for the dating challenged where people can meet their version of “the one” without even taking a shower leaving their house.

Yesterday, a good friend of mine posted the following Facebook status:  “Public Service Announcement – Facebook is not the free version of” This got me thinking. As someone who is recklessly approached via Facebook chat from friend’s of friends, college classmates that never paid me any attention in school and guys that I may have met once in my life, I can relate to the post. It’s annoying. However, as evidenced by my cheating ex, guy I recklessly smacked bellies with titleless pseudo relationship, many men do find success getting laid meeting women via the Facebook medium. Now you will have to excuse me, but since Facebook is NOT, I can honestly say that I think men that troll for booty on Facebook are lame. Are you that socially inept that you can’t meet a real live human out and about sans the false pretense of “friendships” on Facebook? Why do you have so much free time to troll my 6000 multitude of Facebook albums and tagged photos? When did my Facebook photos become your version of Skinemax?

Granted, all this could be avoided if I just gave in and updated my relationship status (Which could be a blog unto itself. “The jinx of the relationship status update: The countdown to the broken heart icon invading your friends’ news feeds starts now”), but for reasons I won’t get into on this posting, I refuse. That thing isn’t going to show up in my details until I’m married. So, because I gag at the mere thought of am hesitant to post kissy photos of me and my QB, I suffer the relentless poking of Facebook suitors.

I would like to put an end to this Myspacing of Facebook. Do not taint my friendship fun by poking me or molesting my photos online. Below are the reasons why entertaining these fools Facebook advances is an absolute failure of mass proportions.

·         Like any dating situation, Facebook flirting is a numbers game. The more you holler, the better your chances. So don’t get too flattered by those gushy wall postings and likes on your status updates. There are twenty other girls getting just as gassed under the ‘People you may know’ section.

·         Just like we only post photos that are flattering, they only post information that makes them look good. If you think you know this dude from stalking checking out his wall and interests, you are sadly mistaken. Just like in real life, people use their profiles to present the version of themselves they want the world to see. Unfortunately, this rarely coincides with the truth.

·         If this guy lives in another city or state and is willing to fly and see you, run for the hills. He does this all the time! I know you want to believe that you are a special case, but I promise you: You aren’t. I know guys that do it. And by the way, most people don’t get on planes to come to your house and play monopoly. If you don’t believe me, please reference Jamie Foxx’s lyrics to “Digital Girl”. It’s not the Britannica, but it doesn’t make the premise less true. Be ready to put out some sexy times or never receive even a text from this man again.

·         It’s much easier to hide behind your computer and flirt than take possible rejection from a stranger in a face to face situation. While the online vetting process is very helpful on dating websites, Facebook is not a dating website. So not only is this guy a coward, but he’s cheap.

·         When a man approaches you via Facebook, you have to ask yourself: Why me? Because it is not a dating website, it’s not like you are putting yourself out there as a potential date with a detailed dating profile. So what is the draw? Your pictures. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t wanted to date a man that only liked me for my looks since I was in middle school.

·         How you get a man is how you lose him. If he met you on Facebook, chances are your replacement is waiting for him on there too. Before you know it, you will unwittingly be dragged into some good old Facebook stalking to make sure your position is secure. Do you really want that to be part of your reality?

In conclusion, if you can’t tell, my opinion of Facebook daters is extremely low. I doubt any of those fools are seeking long term relationships, so I can’t respect their hustle. It’s the cheap, low-risk method for serial daters to reach out to a multitude of women without facing real rejection or responsibility. Facebook is not the place for this type of interaction.

If you are looking for a digital girl, go watch Avatar.



About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

5 Responses to digital girl(s)…

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention digital girl(s)… « Us, Bottles, and Friends --

  2. Gordon Willz says:

    Man. Cats be extra thirsty on facebook. I appreciate the confirmation of having good taste in mate selection, (who wants a girl if you’re the only one that wants her right?) but you dont need to confirm it 2-8 times a day. All your public photo compliments are response deficient and subject to (((crickets)))….your wall offers of vittle time are promptly rejected…BUT since you lack a clue, you repeatedly still follow up with a hopeful ‘raincheck?’ (earning you the nickname “Raincheck Reggie”)

    Because my lady and I are secure together (coupled with the fact its uber lame) we opted not to tag ourselves as “in a relationship with…”, nor do we participate in “wall pissing”. Perhaps in some people’s minds, that spells ‘single and ready to mingle’ and I guess that just comes with the territory of not being extra public on the ‘book. At the end of the day, its all a source of free entertainment. The things people say and do on facebook is often hilariously sad (like an episode of the First 48)

    *facebookin’ pimpin’ aint easy…but somebody… gotta… do it?

    • Lolita says:

      HAHA I couldn’t agree with you more. My QB and I aren’t facebook lovers- that’s what real life is for. I don’t need him to tag me in order to feel recognized or “Secure”. And yes, I have watched many a bipolar newsfeed moment of breakup to makeup to complication, popcorn in hand. It is entertainment for sure. Apparently, my lack of putting my relationships on Front street and making MY facebook page about…well ME and not WE, I have given a false impression of wanting some facebook poking. Hopefully this blog will set the record straight hahaha.

      • RandomGirl says:

        Yes the newsfeed breakups are hilarious. I also agree, asking someone out over the internet is weak as hell. But half my fb pictures arn’t as flattering as I am in person anyhow so no worries :-)

  3. Pingback: f-mail…and forget her too… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

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