red light green light. red light…

In a previous post here on UBF, I cautioned you not to take the article as advice. Often at UBF, we dispense a wealth of reckless opinions information, but it is important for us to be responsible when gracing you with our version of “knowledge”. That said, in speaking to some of my coveted male friends this week, I realized there was some information that it couldn’t hurt to share with our lovely readers.

Have you ever been in this situation: Meet guy that you like. Guy likes you. Dates ensue. Sexy times follow shortly thereafter. Sexy times continue for a month. Guy becomes less and less available. Guy starts auditioning for the lead in your Lifetime movie’s version of “Disappearing Acts”. Situation fizzles into nonexistence. Sound familiar?

At this stage of the game, a lot of people are searching for “the one”. That person that splits bills with completes them. Their better half in sexy good times and bad. I’m sure I will get one poster who claims they aren’t looking. Stop lying. Sure you aren’t. For the rest of you hoping the current person you are hanging from chandeliers with can become a more permanent piece situation, there are some things you should probably keep in mind.

There are obvious signs that a man isn’t ready for you such as him never picking up his phone, being unavailable, flaky, catching him in lies, etc. And then there are the more subtle red flags. These are the things that you might want to take note of before you start rubbing bellies on a semi-regular basis. In the end, they will save you some time, trouble, another notch on your already too long belt and emotional energy. Without further ado: Signs that he’s NOT ready and NOT the one for you.

  • He is unnaturally close with his mother. True story- I’ll never forget the man I was dating whose mother used to just come over to his house (She lived across the street), use HER key and pop in at 9am. I recall her going upstairs one day while he was still naked in bed from early morning sexy times and having a full conversation with him. That’s just creepy weird. In less extreme cases, take it from some one who knows. A man that has his mother to do everything for him does NOT need you. He gets all the perks of a woman in his life without any of the responsibility. Your primary role: Sex. He gets everything else he needs from the #1 woman in his world. Mommy Dearest.
  • On the other extreme, a man that has a shaky relationship with his mother is bad news. Whether it’s her fault or not (she’s a drug addict, she’s in jail, etc.)- it doesn’t matter. While he may have sincerely good reasons for not being her biggest fan, a man that doesn’t love his mother is usually a nutbag will not love you either. Seriously- even sociopaths love their moms.
  • His last girlfriend was some chic he dated in highschool or undergrad. My experience has taught me that most men have little room for some one that they don’t need for anything. Sex doesn’t count- he can get that from his hand anywhere. The very nature of most relationships is a mutually beneficial partnership. A man that hasn’t had a serious relationship in more than a few years is not a good candidate. He’s already learned quite well how to survive happily without a woman in his life for any significant timeframe. While I am sure there are exceptions to every rule, do you want to take your chances in limbo land wasting your time waiting for him to finally lock it down? Every woman wants to nab the ungettable get. But if you think you are so much more unique than the other women that have tried, you are naive fooling yourself. There’s no “I” in team and this guy is quite content by himself.
  • He’s smart, he’s nice, he’s ambitious, he’s honest, he’s broke. I joke around about getting as much as you can from men dating the less fortunate, but now I’m being serious. Being broke is subjective. He doesn’t need to be well off. Or even comfortable. Lolita’s definition of Broke: A person who lives above their means. Whatever his occupation, whatever his salary, the man you seek should be able to take care of himself and manage his overhead. If he makes $300 a week, his monthly output should not be $1300. The moral of this story is simple: If he can’t be bothered to take care of himself, how will he take care of your heart?
  • He has a kid somewhere that he’s never with. This is often disguised with excuses phrases such as “The mother’s in Florida & she took the kid with her” or “She fought me for custody and now I can’t see my child”. Um…he can’t be bothered to spend time with his flesh and blood but you are expecting loyalty to you? Good luck with that.
  • His living arrangement still resembles a college dorm. I’ll never forget when I walked into one man’s house and he had children’s bed sheets on his windows instead of curtains. This was an ultimate fail and a clear indication of his priorities. How could he take me out to an expensive dinner in good conscience knowing damn well he didn’t even have adequate clothing for his windows? The grown man with ten roommates living like it’s a frat house, the guy with a futon instead of a bed, a man whose fridge consists of grey goose & a pack of coronas…all these things are signs of serious immaturity. If you are a grown woman, pass the little boys by. They aren’t ready for you.

Stop at the Red lights ladies. There’s a big difference between being “Mr. Right” and “Mr. Give it up Right Now”. Do you want to be the One or One of Many?



About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

3 Responses to red light green light. red light…

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention red light green light. red light… « Us, Bottles, and Friends --

  2. Carver The Great says:

    “His last girlfriend was some chic he dated in highschool or undergrad.”

    dammit, i hate it when you’re right about me being mr. wrong. my last gf (more than 4 months) was while i was in undergrad. i’ve had relationship-esque situations for longer than 4 months since then but there were none of the founding compnonents, i.e. introduction to family members, exclusivity, and splitting of bills that didn’t involve food, etc…

    and honestly what i’ve learned is that (for me) incorporating a woman into my life on a serious level is more a burden than a convenience. that might also be due to the fact that i apparently like crazy chicks…but that’s another story for another day.

    but in closing, i concur that i am often mr. wrong for the women i meet, i try my damndest to convey this to them but they just think i’m being “cute” and funny….a lot of truth is said in jest.

    • Lolita says:

      I respect you admitting this. And honestly? If a man tells you he isn’t relationship material and you still date him, you have no one to blame but yourself as a woman. At least you keep it real with the ladies in your life. Agreed- half of any joke is truth serum with a smile.

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