who’s that peeking in my window…

Back in the good ole days, getting your stalk on wasn’t that easy. You needed extensive resources like their last name, a phonebook and means of transportation. As an ambitious 13 yr old, you may get a few of those but not the entire list for a full out stalking mission because mama onetrik dukes was tripping about being home before the street lights came on and hiding in the bushes isn’t that easy during the day. Or so I’ve heard.

Today’s aspiring voyeur has it much easier thanks to technology and everyone’s inner exhibitionist aka facebook profile. Twitter, Tumblr, Foursquare, Gchat and [insert other ways to avoid human to human contact] gives us the privilege of getting our snoop (Not that kind of Snoop thanks to you California voters) on from time to time. Unfortunately privilege comes with responsibility and based on the way some of you give a little responsibility your best Eddie Long (too soon??), I’m guessing we may have a few out there virtually violating quite a few “friends”.

No worries though because in the ongoing spirit of education at ubf and given the exorbitant amount of time I spend in the interwebs, I’m here to provide you with a fail proof guide on when you might be crossing that line from Curious George to Peeping Tom:

+We can start with the more obvious…do you have a fake profile for said stalking?

+ My creative problem solvers…have you requested the friend in the group who you just happen to have never met simply because they have the camera and take all the pictures of your prey?

+ For all my educated folks…have you ever attempted to bribe a professor (past or present) to help with the creation of an algorithm to predict her passwords?

+ Following one of his conversations through endless @-reply loops…would you feel awkward if the fail whale showed up and you had to stand next to these two with the conversation happening live?

+ Those of you spending time in Facebook like it’s an actual book…are you able to send facebook a notification/email regarding her profile pic change before it appears as a notification in your feed?

+ Trouble deciding where to eat…do you make the call based on how close you are to his (or friends’) last foursquare check-in hoping for an “accidental” meeting?

+ Tough time getting her on the phone…do you wait to call until there is a tweet so you know she is within arm’s reach of her phone?

+ For those wall checkers out there…do you know the ‘lol’ girl’s (the one that laughs at all of his attempts at jokes) favorite quotes?

+ Instant Messenger fan…did he magically disappear following your last conversation to never show up again (he’s invisible to you and not his ‘lol’ girl)?

+ Recognize when she loses a friend…and can actually tell who he is?

As you can see there are many signs for when your general perusal may have crossed over into restraining order land. However if you are an offender for 1-2 of these, you may still have time to get your act together and do better. Or wait to get caught and deleted and we know how important those follower/friend counts can be.

Any of you have a current day stalking story you want to share with the class?

onetrik…your virtual hall monitor…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

2 Responses to who’s that peeking in my window…

  1. Pingback: digital girl(s)… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

  2. Pingback: ubf and 2010 walk into a bar… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

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