caught in the rain…

A lot of my friends are married. As Onetrik pointed out yesterday, attending other people’s version of happily never after has become a rite of passage for most adults once they reach a certain age. And in 10 years so will divorces. One of my favorite exes “guys I used to date” told me about six years ago (shortly before his own trip down the rabbit hole wedding) the following nugget of impending disappointment: “Women always say they are single because they refuse to settle. Lola- everyone settles.”  Pffft! Not I, I thought! I will NEVER settle!

Fast forward a few years later. There I found myself with a guy- a nice guy. He was dependable. Attractive. Smart. And we had the sparks of an Olympic sized pool. I remember one day looking at him and wondering what was wrong with him me? Why was I so completely unexcited by him? Admittedly, his idea of romance was watching ‘Blart Mall Cop’ on dvd with the lights off, but overall he was boring a nice enough guy.  He was older, stable, career oriented, out of the party scene- all the things I had begun to look for as I started to hear my uterus screaming at me think perhaps marriage wasn’t as distasteful as I originally thought. But ultimately, the idea of spending the rest of my life watching paint dry doing unsexy time with this guy was proving too much for me to bear. I loved that he was a good guy, but I hated that he didn’t seem to enjoy life the way I did.

In speaking to another partner in the struggle female friend, I asked her if she believed that I was becoming that dreadful statistic of women that didn’t like “nice guys”.  But after fully ripping him to shreds vetting him as a viable candidate, we concluded that ultimately, him being nice was why I was staying. It was the rest of him that left much to be desired.

We decided that it was simple: At some point in our lives, if only for a moment, the idea of settling doesn’t necessarily seem distasteful. I liken it to running to the store to pick up that ingredient you need, only to be caught in a vicious rainstorm on the way home. Your totes umbrella blows out. The wind is blowing the water sideways. You just got your hair done.  Those new payless shoes with the fake red bottom Christian Louboutin’s you have on are getting destroyed and your clothes are soaked. You run inside of your house apartment, relieved. You made it! Phew! But when you open your grocery bag to get out your ingredient, you realize that you got the wrong thing. So now what do you do? You know this isn’t what you wanted, but you just don’t want to go back out there. It’s nasty out. It’s wet. It’s unpleasant. Maybe you can substitute this ingredient for what you meant to buy. But deep down inside, you know if you do that, your meal won’t come out the way it’s supposed to. Some people will use that substitute ingredient. Because you know what? They just don’t want to go back out there. And I applaud them for making my decision to study family law a profitable one lemonade out of lemons. But for me, even though my totes umbrella is dunzo, my shoes are wet, my clothes are still sitting on a heater drying and my hair looks like I just had a rather fulfilling session of sexy times it could use another round at the salon- at some point, I always go back out there. The thing I have yet to determine is if that’s a problem.

I turn the tables back to you fellow readers of UBF: Do you believe that final big date often results in settling for Mr. or Mrs. Good Enough? Is it settling if you can still see your big picture despite the details of the painting being skewed? Is “Never Settling” code for “Commitmentphobe”?

Personally, I think life is a bit like a Martini. I’d rather get a little wet, but that’s just me.

~Lolita

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

5 Responses to caught in the rain…

  1. Marcie says:

    Yes, my dear (blog) friend, I too brave many a rainstorm…monsoon even…for that special ingredient. I call it “particular” although some days I wonder if others think it’s more on the commitaphobe side of the aisle. *shrugs*

    Maybe someone else has better insight here…until then, I’ll just focus on the positives & pat my back at all the “cakes” that I did not spend time baking.

    Yes, everyone compromises & prioritizes (cupcakes vs cakes; 1-layer vs 2) but settling on angel food cake when you really enjoy red velvet with nuts & homemade cream cheese icing is never a good look (& I’ve seen the divorces, near divorces & general dissatisfaction to prove it).

    • Lolita says:

      Ha- funny analogies Marcie. Prioritization vs. Settling…hmmm…the question is- which one are people really doing? And are we mistaking prioritizing for settling? Are they right while we’re wrong? Or are they selling themselves short since we are gleefully enlightened? I guess I’ll have to write a follow up in 10 years to let yall know how it turned out ;)

  2. Shawn says:

    No way to really know until it is too late. There are so many variables involved in a relationship. It is very much like the cake that is being referenced. But we all have to find out what we can and canot do without in our cakes. I think that is the real issue—do we know what we need from our mate. Once you know that, then you have a better idea if you are settling or being discerning.

    • Lolita says:

      Touche. But what you need vs. what you want. Is it too much to ask if you were hoping to get both out of the same package? Is that being spoiled? Maybe a bit unrealistic of me? *shrugs*

  3. Marcie says:

    Wants vs needs you ask?

    Spoiled you say. A word I use QUITE often when referencing my “predicaments”…explains so much, lmao

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