happily ever after…and stuff…

As I mentioned about two months ago, one of us would eventually become a them…them being a lucky person able to find someone they are willing to share a DVR with for the rest of their happily ever tv-viewing life. Well the official transition took place this past weekend in Florida. We lost another single black man were able to come together and witness a real life fairy tell union of epic love proportions.

Unfortunately the open bar didn’t extend to the interwebs but with my insider access pass as a groomsman, I was able to capture some random nuggets learned throughout the festivities related to weddings, marriage, family, friends and whiskey for you lovely readers.

So without further fluff, I bring you my top 10 list:

10)   When being assigned roles in preparation for the big day, airport duty is the best gig. Not only do you avoid the potential hand cramps from writing related tasks but you also escape the non-sanctioned no-wage assembly line work making gift boxes. Plus you gain first dibs on the aunts who everyone knows are the best flirts.

9)   There is a direct correlation between how cute a child is and the likelihood of them not performing their task in the wedding.

8)   Drink with the fathers as it will always lead to your taste buds experiencing something outside of your pay grade and liquor knowledge.

7)   In the case of your eyes being too hydrated during the ceremony, avoid the sniffle as it is a dead giveaway to the gentlemen on both sides of you.

6)   The phrase “you have more personality than you look like you did” is not one that can be made into a compliment prior to the bar opening.

5)   When told to dress in resort casual for the rehearsal in Florida humidity, you should probably think breathable or expect to see sweat spots even in places you don’t have pores.

4)   Highly recommend going with the purchase of custom suits instead of renting tuxedos for groomsmen but remember to remain the same size as you were during the fitting during the wedding unless sitting down isn’t a requirement.

3)   The best man toast should always involve photoshopped images of the bride and groom intrinsically integrated into the speech with a timely reveal to guarantee no one notices he is keeping them from the electric slide. Extra time awarded for a pop culture reference.

2)   The story you tell yourself the next morning about the glitter found on your body will always be 10x better than the actual version so continue to repeat it until you and others begin believing it.

1)      And last but not least, make sure there is an engaged or soon to be engaged couple present. If not, you’ll find yourself set up with the “nice cousin that can cook” as the next to get married because married people can’t wait for another free party someone else to join their club.

With all that typed, it was a great ceremony/event that made me actually want to have a wedding. That is until they informed me that they evidently come with a marriage after the bar closes.

onetrik…meet me at the altar in your off-white dress cuz you know…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

2 Responses to happily ever after…and stuff…

  1. Pingback: caught in the rain… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

  2. mboogie says:

    good list…fully enjoyable… #9…HILARIOUS and soooo true! As is #1….married folks cant wait to marry off their freinds which = not a good look! :)

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