your standards are too damn high…

ladies and gentlemen, hugs are in order…and there’s no one i know that’s better at hug mediation than the homie the honorable mr. jimmy mcmillan, mayoral candidate from the “the rent is too damn high” party in new york city…when mr. mcmillan is not accessing the altitude of the rent, he is also  a relationship expert…during  a recent alcohol induced blackout conversation with jimmy mac, he relayed to me some insightful information about some of the goings on in this here dating life we live…apparently some of y’all are out there shooting outside of your range…riveting stuff…ladies and gentlemen…mr. jimmy mcmillan on your standards…

– ladies are out here saying they want a man with good credit when they need a co-signer to place an order at ihop…your standards are too damn high…

– guys are running around saying they want to marry a good christian woman but haven’t seen the inside of a church since the last episode of “amen”…your standards are too damn high…

– ladies want a man with a six pack but you’re walking around here looking like you just shoplifted a watermelon…your standards are too damn high…

– fellows you want a lady that’s independent but your mother is still serving you cookies and aged breast milk after work everyday…your destined to be lonely for a long time to come…you ask why…because your standards are too damn high…

– ladies, you say you want a real man, but you’re in these streets as fake as that Michael Jackson glove you had as a kid…

– ladies, you say you want a man that is well traveled but your passport is still without a stamp, a picture and the nice leather cover…you standards are too damn high…

– fellows, you say the next lady you date must have the qualities of a good mother while you have a chair named after you on the maury povich set…your standards…actually wait…your kids may need some extra parenting…please proceed…

– you’re complaining because you can’t find someone with a good job while your current gig pays in cash and is currently under federal investigation…that’s right…you standards are too damn high…and so is that minimum sentence…

– let us not forget about education…you want someone with multiple degrees while the university of phoenix is trying to disconnect your dsl service…you standards are too damn high…

– i’d like to thank mr. mcmillan for dancing across my youtube screen stopping by today and wish him luck in his upcoming mayoral landslide defeat election….now i’d like to turn the floor over to the good people of ubf…because i’m trying to go get drunk tonight nice like that…

elrock…my blood alcohol level is…you said it…too damn high…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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