hush little baby don’t say a word…

No really stop talking.

This time I’m not even referring to your consistent nagging chatter during the Laker’s game but I do reserve the right to come back and address that issue one day. Instead ladies I’m referencing the high usage of your fancy vocabulary with regards to that gentleman you are hoping to beat into submission convince that you are the one he will share Outback’s delicious bread with for ever and ever and ever.

Now before we get started, unfurrow your brow. It gives you wrinkles.

Let’s identify the problem and then jump into solutions. Please answer the following truthfully:

A)     Have you ever divulged directly to your potential suitor how amazing you thought he was?

B)      Have you ever given a fellow the impression that he can do no wrong in your eyes?

C)      Have you ever told a grown man that you plan on marrying him?

D)     Have you ever crowned a guy better than all of those your group of friends is currently talking, dating or even married to?

E)      Have you ever shared all of your business with a gentleman assuming he would in turn do the same?

Now stop laughing because these aren’t limited to the latest VH1 dating show. I’ve actually seen these scenarios with my own eyes in the real world.

[Pause for dramatic effect]

And while I’d like to think I’m one of a kind, my group of distinguished friends have also experienced said behavior. Lightning can’t strike twice, can it?

While our very own lolita would have us believe that the ever fragile male ego requires constant stroking, I’m here to tell you that too much stroking can easily become irritable. Speaking on behalf of all men as a man on things related to men, we definitely appreciate both knowing how you feel towards us in a dating connection and the occasional compliment. But if you find yourself dipping your toe anywhere near that pool of questions AND you are not in a committed relationship, you can guarantee two things: 1) The amount of effort put into that amazing report card will receive an instant decline; 2) Your chances at infinite amounts of Outback bread just went out the window.

I’m not saying I won’t continue to date you. No you can stick around. But if your plan is more along the lines of pageant victory than congeniality winner, you may want to find another contest as your chances of success are extremely unlikely here. It isn’t that all of us are looking for a challenging dating rubik’s cube (I know I’m one of the few there) but the extreme pumping of the male ego is similar to botox: unnecessary and potentially harmful.

Instead, you should wait for me to make a fool out myself open up about my feelings towards you and detail how amazing you are for not telling me how amazing I am. Besides I already know I’m amazing because you let me into your legs on the first night life on a regular basis. And if you find that I’m not really sharing how I feel about you then you should know how I feel about you.

So it is pretty simple. Stop talking. Oh and I’ll be back to discuss that talking during the game thing.

Now for the show and tell portion of class, do you have your own version of this story? Does any single woman want to disagree with me? I kid because I love.

onetrik…hope you like that mockingbird your momma got you…


About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

One Response to hush little baby don’t say a word…

  1. morningjoi says:

    I was just having this conversation with a girlfriend. Women are natural sharers, emoters, givers… and this can really screw us up at the beginning of relationships. Doing too much is never cute and rarely keeps the right kind of person around. We often allow the excitement and potential of a new relationship to rush us into missing the present moment. (It’s only 3 weeks, and you already think you love this guy? Really?) Often, everything we need to know is right in front of our eyes and if we’ll spend more time listening (and paying attention) versus talking/projecting/wishing/scribbling his name on our notebooks, we could save ourselves a lot of trouble and time. What’s even more important, for me, is examining the friendship quality of the person you have in front of you. Is this a good person in general, that you would want to know regardless of your own personal agenda? If not, you can stop right there. And it would be difficult to figure any of that out when you’re so busy running off at the mouth.

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