inquiring minds want to know…

a while back the homie shineygreen stopped through and dropped off a large parcel of knowledge…and although i found it quite entertaining, there were still a few questions that went unanswered…we have since brought in our own in house expert to address such issues and make pancakes…given the recent problems caused by the latter, we’ve decided to give her the day off to attend a cast iron skillet care class…in her absence, we’ve decided to bring forward some more things that women do that we still don’t quite understand…

most of these are true about every female on the planet slight generalizations, but we thought that by throwing them out to the masses, we may be able to glean a little extra knowledge about how to score easier the female brain works…release the list…

– going out to dance with your girls…we came here for the sole purpose of meeting you only to find out that tonight was actually “grind on your girl and turn me on from a distance” night and that “meet men” night was actually last weekend…if you just need music and your girls, why not just hook up the ipod nano at club  your house and pass around the drinks and  ear buds all night…just letting you know that from a distance it’s difficult to tell whether or not you are in meet man mode…

– hating the elbow grab…i’ve heard no less than 372 times how much some ladies hate having their funny bone massaged at the club…although i’ve always considered it a much safer option than the full monty salute or the chihuahua shin hunch, this attention grabber still seems to go unappreciated…

– complaining about everything but never wanting solutions for anything…apparently you hate everything in life but not enough to fix/change any of it…and because of it, i can’t listen to tony k and michael w hash out their differences on pti

– beefing over nothing forever… she used to be your best friend but now you hate her because she…uhh…uhh…you can’t remember but you still hate that b!#&%…but that dude that introduced you to the wonderful world of chlamydia gets extra chances…

– lying to each other…from enabling craziness to okaying that dress that didn’t quite fit…if your best friend doesn’t have to tell you the truth about anything, why do i have to…

– letting your girl go out dressed like that…friends don’t let friends go out with jumpers on that don’t cover the proper amount of belly meat…i don’t know what yall discussed prior to leaving home, but i assure you, stretch marks don’t complete any outfit…booty cheeks that look like they might be housing termites should not be peeking out all night…

– trying to become #1 by messing with guys you already know to be off the market…once a #2, always a #2…until you become a #3 aka “the defendant named in the restraining order”…

– getting angry at the “other chick”…you come in early from work and find your man mixing up some sexy time pie with another young lady and your first inclination is to go after the one person in the room who is not in an exclusive relationship with you…besides…we already know that you ladies don’t feel bad about man stealing anyway

– clearly hearing/seeing a man’s hobbies prior to starting a relationship with him then hating them all…i told you on my e-harmony profile date #1 that i liked football, basketball and mixing sexy time pie with the chick in the bullet point above ps3…why is it now unfathomable that i don’t want to forego any of the 3 to attend your lamaze classes co-ed baby shower…dang…i probably won’t win this argument…

– fake eyelashes…i’ve never aborted a sexy time mission because a chicks eyelashes weren’t full enough…not saying you’re doing it for us…just letting you know that we definitely don’t care…

so ladies…what are the odds that we can get any of these items expained…fellows, did i leave anything out…

elrock…ju got some splainin ta do…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

11 Responses to inquiring minds want to know…

  1. Carver The Great says:

    *applause*

    i recently got into it over my lack of tolerance for the following:

    “complaining about everything but never wanting solutions for anything…apparently you hate everything in life but not enough to fix/change any of it…”

    …of course i won lost this argument…

  2. Gator says:

    I don’t care if it is a coed baby shower, I’m not going!!!!

  3. TT says:

    May I?

    – going out to dance with your girls: Sometimes, this cna be the night where we put on our f*&k him dress and don’t want to be bothered with any men…but still feel like getting cute for ourselves, drinking and dancing. It’s similar to guys getting together to go to the strip club. Sometimes we feel like looking or being looked at with no strings attached

    – hating the elbow grab: Nigga don’t touch me! If the you have to touch me to get my attention, it’s because I am purposely ignoring your eye contact! Watch your chin cause I just might check it!

    – complaining, etc.: Personally, I have to talk things out aloud sometimes. I’m probably not asking your opinion…I’m really just thinking out lot. Just pretend to listen and shut up.

    -beefing over nothing forever: NA for me. My beef is real cuz!

    – lying to each other: you can’t tell bit$%#es everything. They don’t always know how to handle the truth. Which can sometimes end up the reason for bullet above.

    – letting her go out dressed like that: Not my problem! More sausage for me…

    – trying to become #1: I am ALWAYS #1…even when I’m not. Just because he doesn’t know it doesn’t mean I don’t…It’s my world squirrel! (seriously, I think it’s just a dumb female competition thing. We have egos too, and for some reason some broads get off on messing with your man…as if it’s some great feat (sp?))

    -getting angry at the other chick: If she KNOWS me, both of yall are gettin a beat down. On the other hand, if we were both getting played, sometimes the sweet revenge is in befriended said slutbag/other chic. One of my closest friendships is a result of this..

    – the hobby thing is whatever…once we’re together, I should be your hobby…ijs

    and finally, eyelashes: I’m totally not into that so someone else will have to pick up from here!

    • TT says:

      dude..so many typos. Forgive me.. please substitute “can” for cna, “if” for if the, “loud” for lot, “befriending” for befriended…my goodness!

    • and this is why we love you…

      • Lolita says:

        The eyelashes. They are the make up subsitute. I had a slumber party of girls at my house for my friend’s bachelorette party. She said “Damn I wish I looked like that when I woke up.” Truth is, I looked like hell. But she was blinded by me batting my bambi eyes. Now imagine how well this works on men when they are still groggy in the morning. Onetrik don’t deny it. You just haven’t woken up next to me yet. ;)

  4. Pingback: baby got back… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

  5. kellyotn says:

    I cant address all of these cause thats a lot of shit. BUT just wanted to say, I love this video and this blog it’s great. Haha i love the part about not being able to hear PTI. I mean there’s just a time and a place for arguing, during the afternoon espn shows are not ideal. So get a dude with dvr so he can pause it.. Or just wait til jim rome is on.
    And hobbies..i hate that shit, don’t change try and change people, you knew what you were getting in to. but i’m a girl and bridal, baby shower.. whatever, I’m going try to get out of it, nobody wants to attend those :X

  6. Marcie says:

    Catching up on life…and blogs…comedy

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