how do you want it…

One of my valued male comrades sent me this link to a video, and while funny, I admit he said I was just like this it hit a little too close to home.  For those that are too lazy do not have time to read this blog AND watch the video, the basic premise is that as women, we have an entire list of characteristics we seek in a man that often completely contradict each other.  A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about my QB acting a fool. Now I will tell you exactly what he did.

I promised him that he would not make an appearance in my blog, but I lied I am making an exception to reveal my own fallibility as a woman. Read this carefully as I will never admit to such a thing ever again. My somewhat significant other and I were spending a lovely morning together in which I decided to make breakfast. I stupidly asked him what he wanted. He said pancakes and eggs. Pancakes? Now – in my mind that was faux pas number one. What kind of man asks for pancakes for breakfast when you just made him dinner the night before?!?

Do you realize what kind of mess that makes???

That’s just selfish! But I digress. (Again, I realize the contradiction here. If I didn’t want to make him what he wanted then why the hell did I ask? Because I’m a woman. We are known for this kind of behavior. I was being courteous – I honestly just wanted to boil an egg and he should have known that. He was raised by a woman not wolves.)

Anyway, let’s get to the good part where he started to show his ass poor judgment. After making his meal, a meal that I wanted no part of simply out of laziness (there was no way I was making 10 pancakes and 2 omelets so I did not eat), I began cleaning up his dishes.  The cast iron skillet was too hot to do anything with, so I decided to take a break and do some early morning sexting catch up on my texting. He gets up, comes up to me in the kitchen , looks at the skillet and says “WTF??? You call this *&$ clean???”  I looked at him as if he was insane. All he needed was to call me Anna Mae Bullock and the ridiculousness would have been complete. I reminded him that I was a career woman, not a housewife & that he was lucky I had any domestic skills at all. It was all downhill from there.

Later on, once cooler heads prevailed, he reminded me of three things I had actually told him. and am now kicking myself for 1) I prefer him to be direct- if he doesn’t like something, don’t beat around the bush. Just tell me. 2) I prefer traditional roles when in the house. Once I leave work, I like to be the lady. 3) I like the man to be the man and to be the leader.  Now – obviously, delivery & tone weigh heavily in why he was still wrong as hell not on the right track, but also, he misinterpreted my ideas of what “being the lady” & “being a man” are. That said, my interpretation is very specific. Who the hell would know that I meant: Be in control in the bedroom, in the streets, any time somebody puts down a bill and during adhoc time that happen to fit my whims but NOT in our home when I am cooking or cleaning, with my clothes or how I spend my time and finally not about my job. Isn’t that a little hypocritical? Isn’t that a lot to expect some one to know instinctively?

I can’t lie – this argument was about to cancel out all of his other good characteristics because I felt like it was too big. How dare he try to control me! After we talked about it, I realized that part of the problem with me…and a lot of women I’m guessing, is that we give mixed signals. This does not absolve him completely, but I accept my part. Most women’s list of “must haves” don’t even align with each other. Who can live up to an expectation of a person who would never exist?  A “Leader”, but only in certain circumstances. “Laid Back”, but not a b*tch@ss. Fiscally responsible but not cheap. Pays for everything but isn’t trying to buy you and let’s you be independent. In control but not controlling. The fact is nobody is perfect. Most people are flexible. You can’t change some one, but you can level set expectations and compromise. I’m off my soapbox. Besides, men are worse than we are when it comes to this.  I’m just not overly concerned about them ;)

As Fredrick Perl said:  “I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can’t be helped.”

Or as Tupac said more directly – Just tell a ___ how do you want it?

I am who I am… Lolita


About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

18 Responses to how do you want it…

  1. Well I guess we can all be contradictory. How we react to others though is a mark of what we are made of. Is there ever a need to be rude?

  2. Lolita says:

    This story isn’t really complete without the video link, which SOMEBODY (Onetrik) forgot to post:

  3. morningjoi says:

    Uhm…. this sounds like a mess. All of this drama over a dirty pan on the stove?

    • Lolita says:

      ‘m not disagreeing with you- it was a mess. But that wasn’t quite the moral of the story. Look beyond the obvious imagery…and also watch the video…

      • morningjoi says:

        I have seen the video, and I absolutely get the attempted moral. But, with extremely limited knowledge of the author, I would venture to say that being contradictory isn’t the big issue here.

      • Lolita says:

        *shrugs* you can’t take our stories too seriously. Read the bios on the “Those Guys” side. It’s one of our disclaimers lol

  4. RandomGirl says:

    He should have cleaned the dishes.

    • Lolita says:

      Yes. I forget how sensitive women are lol. I will need to make my stories more objective so that yall don’t flip out hahaha (the point of re-telling an argument is to make the other person look bad…since it is my blog)

  5. Sinister says:

    i am guilty of sending mixed messages too. as much as i would love to hear the “truth” in theory, i need it to be tempered in respect and thoughtfulness. may the force be with you both.

    • Lolita says:

      See above comment lol. And yes, I didn’t appreciate his tone. But I promise you, it wasn’t that serious. Otherwise I would have chopped his hands off :)

      • Sinister says:

        yea….i realize that in isolation, the pan comment seems scathing. there are two sides to every story and right now you have the mic….

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  8. TT says:

    Just to clarify..does QB in your world mean almost your man? Cause if not, you were being REAL generous allowing him to still be there in the morning! Cooking in addition to that privilege is like…wow!!

    And it’s YOUR pan so if you like it dirty that’s your business…
    And pancakes are alot of work. I stick to eggs and bacon….unless he’s en route to the Heisman Trophy or a Superbowl ring…

  9. Marcie says:

    Been here…but yeah, I tend to go for..”I’m cooking X, would you like any?”

    Followed by “baby, can you give me a hand cleaning up please?”….well, unless it’s already cleaned (typical practice as I cook bc I hate the dish pileup)

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