I ain’t sayin I’m a gold digger…

Tricks are for kids.  (Sorry Onetrik) And so is being broke. By now our wonderful readers at UBF have realized that Onetrik & I have been having a somewhat unhealthy friendly debate about who has it better: the Ladies or the Tramps Gents. Yesterday, we were mislead to believe once again learned that according to Onetrik, men just want to plough every field possible.  Who cares about being first? As long as you can lap up those sloppy seconds, thirds, lasts, leftovers, moldy cheese, cottage cheese, yeast (ok I’m taking it too far, but you get my point) in a Costco cart, as a man- you are winning.   So I ask him and all of you other flashy dudes out there. Tell me something? Is all this winning free? That’s a rhetorical question.  Because we all know the answer to that.

Last year this time, I made the mistake of dating someone who was extremely pretty and used more hair products than I do good looking, but broke as a joke.  Anytime I wanted “Us” to do something, “We” couldn’t afford it and “I” ended up paying for it.  The situation ended eventually because he was a facebook whore not exactly the most honest man I had ever dealt with, but in the end, I was most angry at myself for spending money on this broke @ss dude.  Fast forward to now.

That situation and numerous talks with my gold digging friends asking me how the hell I could be so stupid and a conversation with my Dad led me to understand something.  My Dad said so eloquently: “You think when these men see you, they are thinking ‘hmmm I want her to be my wife’? No. They want to smash. So they should pay for just thinking about MY daughter that way. And if you think men don’t pay for sex you are wrong. That’s 99% of the reason for their existence. Successfulness breeds sex. Otherwise they’d all be lazy asses.”  His point was: Chivalry is not a selfless action. Smart man my Daddy is. And thanks for the tip.

As a woman- we don’t really have to pay for anything.  Especially not in the beginning.  The following calculations are Conservative. If you really know how to play the game, you can milk a lot more freeness out of men than this, but at a minimum: Dates 1 – 4. Paid for. Drinks at the club. Paid for. Gas money to visit him for the first month. Nonexistant- he picks us up. Tables at the club. Paid for.  Imagine that- he just dropped between $500 – $1000 in New York city dates and we haven’t expended a dime (In LA multiply that  range by 3- girls out there are fancy, right Onetrik?) Now men- I know you will be crying foul  and  “Gold Digger”! to the top of your lungs. I welcome it. First of all- I’m no slouch. By definition a Gold Digger is a triflingly broke chic who looks to her partner for money. That is not me. I simply realized that it was perfectly ok to expect my partner to have just as much money or much a little more than I do. As I mentioned in my last post- I cook, clean, massage, sexy time and take regular trips to the seaside. The least he can do is take me out and get me those cute bags I like for my birthday Christmas Valentine’s day Labor day Memorial day July 4th Thanksgiving  Just Because pick me up.

Gold digger! You cry. Like the undocumented workers waiting outside of Home Depot in LA are necessary to California’s economy, Gold diggers balance out the dating universe.  There are A LOT more beautiful women in the world than beautiful men.  Gold digging is the ugly fat short unfortunate looking unattractive man’s Kryptonite for hot chics. Without that money, they wouldn’t get ANY play, Honey.  You want us to really believe that you roll around LA in your Bentley with your top down going 15 miles an hour on Sunset blvd. at 2:00PM on a Tuesday because you are looking for a woman with a job? C’mon son.  Let’s face it, for wack , corny many guys, having money is their ace in the hole. Some key examples: Kanye West, Howard Stern, Mickey Rourke, Swizz Beats, Busteda Rhymes, the corniness that is John Legend, JAY-Z (the best example in the world), Lil Wayne…I mean, The Dream was bangin Christina Milian!  None of these men are that hot. Most of them are kinda ugly unattractive.  Do you REALLY hate Gold diggers? Or do you capitalize on their existence?

So in closing- I don’t date broke dudes. Been there, done that, have a ratty t-shirt and absolutely nothing else as a souvenir.  It was a wack and unrepeatable experience. So I don’t apologize for it. I don’t feel bad. I don’t care what you think of me for openly admitting it. That said, do appreciate that most of this commentary is generalizations. Personally, I prefer an equal. All jokes aside, I don’t need nor want a sponsor. It’s not my thing. I can’t be bought. However, I do respect the dynamics of the game…which includes gold diggers & men that finance them. In this world, men have one currency and women have another.  What man doesn’t  at least appreciate the infamous line “You gotta use what you got to get what you want”?

Don’t hate the player. Hate the game. It ain’t trickin if you got her…



About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

9 Responses to I ain’t sayin I’m a gold digger…

  1. Marcie says:

    Yes, yes…. “round two” goes to the ladies. Thanks Lolita!

    Your dad sounds a little like mine….whose most notable sayings are: you may let him sample, but no man (I don’t care what generation we’re in honey) buys the cow if he can get the milk for free; and if he can’t afford to date you, then he can’t afford to marry you, keep it moving.

    Lastly, a good friend once told me that a measure of a man’s interest is measured by his T(ime

  2. Marcie says:

    Yeah…once again…feigned by the PDA responses :(

    As I was attempting to say, you can gauge your importance to a man based on his TIME (time; interest; money; energy). As a non-gold digger who does okay (far from balling & no fronting here), I tend to look at all of these things relatively. As an example, men who make millions and fly you to see them (great, but that’s a drop in the bucket and easy for those pro-whores, I meant athletes). Likewise, men who might be in school or starting their own business could have less money now, but put taking you out (movies, dinner, dancing, bowling) regularly as part of their fixed costs…budget, lol. In any case, dude #2 wins in my book every time regardless of how fun dude #1 is, lol. (4 the record, i didnt say I wouldn’t go…just saying the guy with less means really does have a strong chance)

    Anyhow….enough of my damn soapbox

    (*thinks to self: I should start blogging again….naw, much more fun to just comment regularly on this one w/out the pressure to write, lol*)

    • Lolita says:

      HA! Well put Marcie. I 100% Agree. I would take guy #2 (for the long term) as well. That said, I am very glad you didn’t take my post the wrong way- you got exactly what I was trying to say.

  3. Tina says:

    Madame, let me say congratulations, you’re a great addition. :)
    I have to ask, I guess for you all…

    From bench warmers to chess to gold digging…

    It seems so trivial, and I realized it’s about a particular dating school of thought, right? Or are we to believe the common thread here is something other than a reality-tv-worthy dating mess?

    • Lolita says:

      Hello Tina,
      Thanks for the comment and yes- you make an excellent point. Many of our posts are satirical interpretations of the current dating environment. Everything of course is exaggerated, tossed and screwed to make (usually) a much less obvious point lol. We like to consider ourselves the subliminal message in your movie previews. There is something in there telling you to buy the popcorn, but it’s kind of hard to figure out where it is. In this case- I hear so many men complaining about Gold diggers. 1st of all, half of the complainers have nothing to worry about- they don’t have any money to begin with so nobody is trying to get anything from them. And 2nd- the ones that DO have gold to dig from often capitalize on their income to attract a certain type of lady. In the end, I like to take time on my blog to shut down the often male bias commentary I hear out in the world and blogosphere. In the process, yes, we certainly oversimplify and cheapen the entire experience. Which tends to happen when you drink as much as we do while living the experiences or retelling the tales…
      Thanks again for your very welcome feedback.


  4. Kookieman.com says:

    Once again Lolita amazes me with her whit and skill. As I read your blog I am wondering if you have been a playa all your life or have just studied from the Book of PIMP as recorded by many of my homies.

    I don’t think that there is anything wrong for a woman to obtain incentives for the work that she puts out..(as long as she puts out) The power/force of the P is the strongest drug known to man. If it will seperate men from brothers, seperating men from money is an easy task. Be fruitful in your giving of sexy time and its simple. Ass, gas, or cash…nobody rides for free!

    • Lolita says:

      Hahaha this comment was hilarious! Indeed you are right- “pay for play” never really works out in the long run without good intentions…

  5. Pingback: that girl we love to hate… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

  6. Pingback: why we’re not married… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

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