glitter is your friend…

many a paranoid lady friend spends unnecessary time worrying about the time their gentleman is spending inside the hall o’ grease and glitter gentlemen’s’ club…unnecessary because that is time that could be spent cooking his favorite meal, removing your shoes and properly rearing his children (i was just playing…unless you’re gonna do it)…the reality is, there really is little need to worry…your real competition does not reside in these dens of sin anyway…

sleeping with strippers is too expensive to sustain long term…so i’ve heard just morally wrong…in addition, all g clubs aren’t even created equal…some of them are just down right foul…i recall my first peep for pay experience at the the foxy lady down in miami, fl (sure we wanted to go to the rolexx or coco’s but they said my 19 year old face would scare the dancers)…upon entry, you would’ve thought you were in the trauma center at a hospital given all of the gun/knife/fresh c-section wounds…all most some almost none of the visuals were washed away with cheap liquor and cheaper cigars…yet the times were good…

but even given any possible downsides, these spots will probably end up playing an important role as the silent 3rd partner in your relationships…and it’s kinda your fault…based on your unwillingness/inability to do the following:

– fulfill ALL of his fantasies…yes…this drove your guy to find the shift key on his keyboard…a lot of you think that there are compromises that can be made to your guy’s fantasy list…i’m here to tell you, fantasies don’t know compromise (if they did, therapist would be hearing less about catholic priest)…and your “hey don’t put that in there” list will most likely leave him looking to support his fantasy elsewhere…and the more things you have on your “will never do” list the more space he’ll be left to fill…strippers may not do them for free either, but they sure will let him talk about it for $2.14 a minute…

– be another person…unfortunately this is key to many fantasies…so you can buy a hologram machine to place above the bed or you can shoot him a quick dub and wait for him to return with a little extra inspiration in his southern satchels…

– really strip…i know took that pole dancing class at the y from that 47 year old former aspiring las vegas showgirl…but i assure you, there are certain things her pancake hiney triceps won’t allow her to do…the only way to master some of these moves is to have to swing on that pole every tuesday, thursday and saturday evening like your tuition/entire future depended on it…not to mention those other incidental tricks that happen throughout the night…you also don’t own any glitter, your baby oil is only used to keep your heels soft and your furniture is neither glitter nor baby oil resistant…

in real life i’m not even a big strip club fan…we have an on going disagreement about the definition of “adequate cup size”…but assuming your guy feels differently, it’s really time you just go ahead and flow with it…

elrock…making it rain drizzle mist since 1996…

Advertisements

About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

One Response to glitter is your friend…

  1. SdotKikko says:

    I mean the key here folks…really…is that elrock actually USED a capital letter…thrice, consecutively.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: