make your list and chunk it twice…

have you ever gone to the grocery store with the intention of buying a box of condoms one thing and emerged 43 minutes later with an unplanned pregnancy everything but that one thing that prompted the trip…go ahead and nod vigorously…we’re not here to judge…but, what would be even worse (read as judge worthy)…have you ever gone in with a well thought out list and emerged with the exact opposite(assuming there is a such thing as an opposite grocery)…i mean getting twinkies instead of carrots, boones farm instead of prune juice or coke instead of crystal meth pure spring-ish bottled tap water…sounds crazy right…well then answer me this…why do we do it in our dating lives…is it perhaps our desire to pursue what we really want vs. what we think we need…i’ll give you a second to reflect on how deep i just came…

ladies, your list started out something like this…he must be:

– as tall as 2 of you…

– able to file your nails on his abs…

– able to speak 4 languages

– as funny as onetrik…

yet you fall in love with a 5’6” pudgy cat who must’ve majored in mean mugging in community college…but you still love him…what gives…

and fellows…we’re just as backwards…you’re asking for a nice young lady who is:

– rachel ray in the kitchen…

– as smart as oprah (or just rich)

– as open mouthed minded as kim kardashian

– eligible and willing to work in the u.s.

yet you propose to your latvian mail order bride (mainly because that’s what you ordered her for) who believes that love can only be made in a bed and that meat is best stored under that same bed…but even given her mistrust of electricity…you love her…and isn’t that really all that matters…

that leads me directly to this question…why go through the effort of developing a list of requirements if you’re willing to forgo every single item you originally put on said list…unless…well…the list is…how can i say this…completely composed of the highest quality tightly compacted b.s…

some of us have worked so hard to  construct it that we have really convinced ourselves that we can’t be happy unless we can check off every element on it…yet we still end up just as single 17 weeks later…

the fact of the matter is, you can’t really help who you drunk dial/text at 3am fall in love with…but we have somehow convinced ourselves that putting it down on paper might keep the heart from doing what the heart does…what you should be attracted to and what you are attracted to don’t always reside on the same street (because one is in prison)…so stop trying to judge potential mates on paper and assess them where they really should be assessed…in the bed your heart…

elrock…i’m getting nothing for christmas…


About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

4 Responses to make your list and chunk it twice…

  1. Marcie says:

    Lol so hard it hurts! #reviewingmylist ;)

  2. SdotKikko says:

    Now that’s a well constructed UBF post through and through.

  3. morningjoi says:

    “so stop trying to judge potential mates on paper and assess them where they really should be assessed…in your heart…”

    i like this, elrock… and will add “with some common sense/intuition/critical thinking skills” b/c the heart alone can’t always be trusted. #justsaying

  4. Gordon Willz says:

    two words u have to/should be prepared to say to yourself when choosing a mate…”so what’*

    nobody’s perfect, but still they may be perfect for you.

    *Keep in mind you still want to choose wisely what your saying “so what” to though…crack addiction, gang affiliation and number of teeth…missing, just might maybe be deal-breakers.

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