chuckin up my dueces…

One of my favorite jazz songs is Chris Botti’s version of Con te Partiro. That’s Italian for “Time to Say Goodbye”. If you are not into jazz, Trey Songz has a song called “I Gotta Go” which is also very catchy and delivers a similar message with less need for interpretation. The point is, there comes a time in every relationship where some one exits stage left.

The best advice my mother ever gave me was when I was 20, freshly dumped out of a relationship, and barely able to move let alone get out of bed. She’s normally a very nice, sympathetic lady. But she looked at me and said, “I have bad news for you. Relationships end. Either he breaks up with you, you break up with him, or somebody dies. But it will end. So get used to it.” I must say that really put things into perspective. 10 years later and hundreds a few failed relationships under my belt, I’m thankful for that very realistic word slap in the face. This evening, after a bottle glass of wine to aid as liquid courage, I wrote an 1000 word essay to some one telling them it’s that special time. Con te Partiro buddy. Breaking up is hard to do, regardless of who is at fault. It’s the end of long talks, some one who accepts you without all the makeup and with the head rap, and last, but not least, it’s the end of guaranteed sexy times (making it all the more tragic). As women, we often lament the loss of love. I can tell you that after spending this weekend well lubricated at a club, I rediscovered why losing is actually winning. And so in keeping with UBF’s infamous lists, I will remind the Single Ladies (Do not queue that damn Beyonce song. Thank you in advance) why you should embrace saying Deuces to your insignificant other.

1) You can go back to having all your dates payed for – Let’s face it. Unless your man is a serious baller (which he very well may be, but I doubt it.), it’s kind of tacky to make him pay for everything once you guys are “committed”. Once the relationship starts, bill splitting begins. Now that you are single again, Free Meals!

2) You can wear whatever you want again. – When I’m “boo’d up” all my sexy Take me home “Look at me” dresses stay in storage somewhere. No man wants to have to defend your honor Every Time you go out. Now you can go back to looking like a slut guilt free.

3) You don’t have to wipe your hair off the floor – Guys hate the girly bathroom stuff. The hair on the floor, the make up on the sink, the panties hanging up on the towel rack (if you’re Caribbean), the tampon boxes, etc. etc. Now you can stop pretending to be androgynous and spread all your girly bits all over the place again.

4) You can give your number to 10 guys at the club and not feel a bit of guilt or buyers remorse…well until they start stalking you.

5) You don’t have to ask & You don’t have to tell. – This to me is the best part of being single. Ladies, you are now free to do whatever the hell you want to do. No questions asked. Free at last, Free at last, Thank God almighty you are Free at last!

Single is the new black ladies. Wear it in a little black dress, preferably with alcohol.

lolita

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

14 Responses to chuckin up my dueces…

  1. Lookin4Treble says:

    Wow – Lolita. I’m lovin’ your dawg style writing. Too tight, sistah…way too tight. I’m a Siingle Lady myself (no worries on the Beyonce song – not tryin’ to hear that). These tips couldn’t be more dead on. Keep ’em comin’ sis’.

    Peace,

    Lookin4Treble

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  3. Shawn says:

    It seems to me that there are positives to being single or in a relationship. What surprises me is how much people in either situation want to be on the other side. Being single is fun, until you are actually single. And vice versa.

  4. morningjoi says:

    Why in the world would you stop putting on sexy dresses once you’re in a relationship? I’d venture to say that’s how some folks got back single. Keep it hot, ladies… & stop boo-ing up insecure dudes.

    • Lolita says:

      Sexy vs. Too sexy – save the too sexy for behind closed doors. Your goodies shouldn’t be on full display for all your man’s homes to see. That will get you right back into jump off status…
      Onetrik – care to comment as a tie braker on this discussion point? Let’s get a man’s opinion…

      • Not really sure this is how I played out that threesome in my head but I’ll take it…

        I’m going to say there is definitely a difference between sexy and too sexy when it comes to going out with the boonopolis. I definitely don’t want the fistifcuffs with over zealous party-goers to be our night’s climax and therefore wasting all sexiness. A safe (and ambiguous) rule is as long as you don’t look like there is an accompanying price to your sexy for your company that evening then we should be good. But I also lost my insecure virginity at an early age so I’m not one to trip…

      • Lolita says:

        Ok. Well that’s fair. Clubs are not meant to meet spouses. So when I go, I dress like a … Well I am very sexy. Why not? The whole point is to have fun, get tipsy and go home. So for me, that attire has to be retired when I’m in a relationship. I stand by that.

      • morningjoi says:

        Well, I’ve never been the type to put my “goodies on full display” with or without a man on my side. That kind of “sexy” just ain’t my thing.

        I get what you’re saying though, but everyone goes to the club for their own reasons. I have experienced and been witness to good people meeting good people at the club …and marrying up. So, to each his own…

        But I hold fast to doing what you did to get him if you want to keep him. Hence, keeping it sexy – whatever your version for your man may be.

  5. TT says:

    Love this post! I actually have to “check” with my boo for some outfits because I KNOW when I was booless, exactly why I was wearing ’em. IN his case, he’s probably more smart than insecure….cause I will dress inappropriately and act like I didn’t know!

    And I’m rollin at the hair on the floor…as I was on hands knees just two days ago cleaning up the remnants of my home beauty shop escapade!

    • Lolita says:

      Girl I hear that! Mine handed me a hand broom and was like “Babe I got you something”. WTF? That’s not a gift! And I agree with you. I do the same thing- “Too short? Reaaaaaalllly?????? *confused bbm face* Glad you enjoyed the post :)

      -lolita

  6. minnie6998 says:

    Lolita, your post reminds me that I love that I can come and go as I please being a single lady. But I wouldn’t mind someone waiting for me at home or wondering where I was.

  7. Pingback: ubf and 2010 walk into a bar… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

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