california love…or not…

“LA has changed you. I’m glad I met you when you first got there.”

Those lovely words greeted me in an IM this week from a friend that has known me since my joyous exodus from the midwest to the west side. I did my best not to go all Drake sensitive on her by not responding with the classy and always timely…ya momma.

Once I stopped to think about it though, she was actually right. However, I’m not sure she fully knew how right she was.

On the surface there are a number of easy things she could have witnessed changing during my left coast tenure:

+ I stand on 300% more couches. Part of it has to do with the better scouting view when identifying potential rodents but the main reason is it is just so much damn fun standing on someone else’s furniture. RIP Rick James.

+ I gave up my colored bandanas. I was made aware by a student at Crenshaw High school (when he told me to be safe on my way out of the school to my car in the middle of the day) that there is no adult exemption clause anywhere in the gang 101 handbook. With this knowledge, I don’t even put my hands in my back pocket for fear that some gang decided to take on my skin tone as their color.

+ Takes more than sunshine to get me out of the house. With over 300 days of skin cancer causing rays to enjoy, a simple “it’s nice outside” doesn’t quite get me in the mood.  Departure from my man cave requires some combination of adult beverage, red meat, entertaining company or my dougie. Otherwise I’ll make that quarter tank of gas last through the week.

With those aside, I realized the biggest thing that has changed is my view on marriage and more specifically the idea of me definitely making someone’s daughter an honest woman (Not that I’m implying that women lie…well not all of them at least). Now I still think that the idealistic concept of marriage is a beautiful thing and I wish all of you out there with 2.3 kids, a dog and picket fence the best. It is great if two people grow tired of the dating game and realize they met the best person that would agree to sleep with them for the rest of their lives for them. Guess what though. I’m not tired or sleepy  or remotely fatigued. Actually, I may need a dating ambien.

So how did I change? Well as a native midwester, I grew up with certain assumptions such as any sushi from a land locked state is bad…trust me. In addition, I assumed that life is just like life, the board game you played as a kid. You keep twisting that annoyingly loud clicky thing in the middle until you’ll eventually get through school, get a job, a thin peg wife, some little peg shaped children and so on.  If you don’t do that then you can’t win.  But moving to the city of angels showed me a minor flaw in this assumption. In real life there are not a limited number of pegs to choose from. Now I’m not saying I think I have an unlimited number of potential wives to choose from. That would be both foolish and irrational. But take unlimited and subtract one from it and that feels about right. Evidently over the past four years, my midwestern rooted urgency to find the perfect peg for me has been replaced by an angelenian curiosity to meet the next peg and another one and another one. I’m not saying I want to date all the pegs. I just have an interest in meeting them and hanging out until one of us either A) discovers the other to be secretly watching Jersey Shore B) reveals (via a google search) a Kim Kardashian-like celeb starter video C) realizes we wear the same size anything D) all of the above.

All of that to say, I’m open to the potentially one day having my ‘I do’ not be attached to ‘not why your number isn’t in my phone anymore’ but if it doesn’t happen you can blame LA because my friend was right. It has changed me.

What about the geographically diverse folks of ubf? Do you feel your location has had an influence on your marriage outlook? Would you move to change your nuptial forecast?

onetrik…throw up your finger if ya feel the same way…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

8 Responses to california love…or not…

  1. Marcie says:

    Well, as someone who has lived in 7 states and had over 22 addresses, I NEVER feel there’s a shortage of men…or black men….or even eligible, intelligent marriage material black men. As a female of average attractiveness, brains/wit, a nice smile, Southern charm and a decent personality, I NEVER have difficulty with the “next peg.”. Thus, with every peg… I wonder if there’s anything better. So, dear enjoy LA and jumping pegs (pun intended) like is so often done at your nearest Crackel Barrel breakfast table.

    As I’ve matured (no, not the incessant biological clock; I think mine may be broken, lol) find there’s a shortage of time. I’ve seen lots of people die young before they’ve gotten a real chance to live…or do/build the things that really matter most to them in this world….

    So, be sure as you’re living life to the fullest…that it’s really living the life you want to live.

  2. Marcie says:

    Yeah, my bad…there are a few typos in my last post (& most of them, lol)…happens with PDA responses…

  3. Melissa Bels says:

    While I agree with Marcie, having lived in quite a few locales(major metro areas) myself (The possibilities are ENDLESS)- the transformation one makes from small town endearing to big city shark is often fascinating to watch. I often wonder how I’ve changed. By the time you met me I was already fully transformed into the bad situation I am now LOL. C’est la vie

  4. mboogie says:

    fun and insightful post! i think moving around A LOT at some points changed what i thought in regards to marriage. but the thing that has developed over time is the resolve to be true to myself about who/what makes me happy in life. There will always be beautiful/smart/generous men…i’ve realized that…but that doesnt mean they are all for me…or that i should date them all. I need to find the right man for me. At the end of the day, i much rather have an a solid relationship… then a bunch of random dates :)

    • morningjoi says:

      “There will always be beautiful/smart/generous men…”

      Agreed. Always. But I’m noticing that this is a common sentiment for those of us who have lived in multiple cities.

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  6. minnie6998 says:

    I live in NYC and I would have to say that I have gone the opposite way. When I went to college in the south and lived in the south I always gave the side eye to the chicks who wanted an MRS more than a degree or a career. But now that I feel like I have been there/done that in terms of my career and that I live in what can be one of the coldest cities (people’s attitudes and weather) I do wish more and more I had someone to share my world with. I want a partner to share the journey with but I’m starting to doubt more an more than I’ll find/meet him in NYC.

  7. Pingback: ubf and 2010 walk into a bar… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

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