eddie long…going both ways…

while the rest of the country’s darker bloggers were dedicating their air time to the biggest news to hit the black community since bruce leroy defeated shonuff back in ’85, we thought it was way more important to touch on topics such as early morning hotel escapes and poems performed on pelvic mics…but today the good bishop gets his long awaited ubf post…let the church say amen…

in full disclosure, i have never been a fan of dudes in star trek suits eddie long…nothing against religion or mega-churches… i just always had a strong belief that hair pieces should only be worn at gun point by the donald and biker shirts should only be worn if you plan on touching boys peddling a bike with your arms…which of course leads me into the “what if he did it” portion of this post…

if he did it…

i buy the “nobody is perfect” argument however, i feel that if you’re getting nba money to teach other people how to get closer to perfection then you better be able to pull off a religious lay-up…i mean…i mean jesus only got fish sandwiches…we’d never pay a math teacher 7(or 6 or 5) figures if he couldn’t lock down the basic tenants of his chosen trade…

he was definitely the first accused pedophile since r. kelly to receive a standing ovation…as he addressed his loyal followers, i heard him say he wasn’t perfect and some other cool limericky sounding stuff…maybe it’s just me, but if i were ever accused of something this serious, any 10 second clip of my press conference would capture the phrase “i’m innocent” no less than 26 times (because i would have twista rapping it in the background and trey songs on the hook…to bring the ladies out)…i would also send kanye on a press conferences tour with his sole purpose being to interrupt whomever else was in trouble and exclaim “yeah, you might be innocent, but nobody is more innocent than that dude elrock”…

…but what if he’s innocent…

although law & order svu has reminded me on 238 separate occasions that you should never doubt the victim, i though it only fair that i flip this thing over (pause) also consider the distinct possibility that brother eddie has been targeted for a take down…as most folks know, atlanta has become the african-american communities center for man-hole exploration…and in this city, long has been one of the loudest and harshest critics of the gay community…so why not shut him up…well…in a community already lacking positive role models, bringing down one of the few based on a disagreement about your preference for privates is about as reckless as bringing lindsay lohan’s bladder water to your drug test…

i’d like to think that no one could ever be that mean or spiteful, but i’ve seen too many episodes of glenn beck to really believe that…i hope for your sakes though that you cats are being truthful or you may be in for an old school stoning by the half a billion bible toters that had i-20 backed up on sunday morning and a man of the clothe who i’m pretty sure has been injecting anabolic holy water…

i know there are 2 sides to every story, but when the allegations are this detailed somebody’s gotta be belching lies…deciding who’s really at fault here is a tad above our pay grade and we’ll probably never know the full truth, but we’d never let a little thing like that stop us from making fun of people who wear hair pieces speaking on it…

elrock…i am not who they are portraying me to be…mainly because they’re not portraying me…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

8 Responses to eddie long…going both ways…

  1. tolu says:

    this whole paragraph had me rotf…..

    “in full disclosure, i have never been a fan of dudes in star trek suits eddie long…nothing against religion or mega-churches… i just always had a strong belief that hair pieces should only be worn at gun point by the donald and biker shirts should only be worn if you plan on touching boys peddling a bike with your arms…which of course leads me into the “what if he did it” portion of this post…”

    hahahaahahaahahahaha

  2. Tennie says:

    I tried not to find this humorous in ANY sort of way… as I am a member of NewBirth… but damn you MC!!!!!

  3. sdot says:

    one of your best! i was lmao in the quite reading room at school…so disrespectful! (me, not you)

  4. Telly says:

    OMG! Hair piece, star trek suit….

  5. minnie6998 says:

    I was able to hold in the laugher UNTIL “a man of the clothe who i’m pretty sure has been injecting anabolic holy water…”…damn you elrock…damn you…

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