rsvp for wifey…

While I’m not sure when this list is created (could be given out at the final girl scouts banquet), I do know that nearly all women have one tucked away some where. The list of things they are saving for their eventual husband. It could be compiled of things explored in the bedroom or could be a sacred recipe passed down from their mother’s mother’s mother. Regardless of the contents, it is like the woman’s American Express…they don’t leave (their parent’s) home without it.

In the spirit of anything you can do I can do better, I’ve put together my own list of things I’m saving for wifey. So all of you harlots standing in between me and my future baby momma with a ring can stop asking as you will never experience any of the following:

my credit score…I’m not going half on anything until we’ve done some broom jumping. It isn’t that I don’t trust you. Actually yes it is that I don’t trust you so don’t even use any words around me that start with “co-“ unless you want to see me sprint for the nearest exit…

priority over mama dukes…As a full blooded mama’s boy, I can’t say any women will ever see the day where she receives preferential treatment when going toe to toe with the woman that gave me life. However, I am holding a table for one in the rare case that moms is tripping and forces me to pick between the two women loves of my life (yes I plan on having all boys). Sorry but this is like the get out jail free card in monopoly and can only be used once so I have to save it for wifey…

the benefactor position…Not that I involve myself in life-threatening activities but I’m not that big on the idea of you tricking off my big insurance pay-off on a girl’s trip to Vegas to help you with your loss. Or worse yet, looking down (crossing fingers) and seeing it used as a down payment on some weekend getaway with your new boo. A wife would never think of doing that because of all those bills I left her…

the remote control…Until I utter the words I do, I do not plan on allowing her to handle the remote control while I’m watching the television. Call me chauvinistic or sexist or a maverick. I’m not just going to give up complete control to my 62 inches of enjoyment unless there is some real commitment…

a mistress…It just doesn’t seem necessary to have a side chic while I’m just dating you. Why not wait for some real stuff to be on the line and then go get my Tiger on? I’m joking…I’d have a side chic while still dating…

What about ubf? Do the fellas want to join in and add to my list? Do you ladies have these lists created and ready to check off once you meet your prince charming?

onetrik…making Tim Tebow proud…


About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

One Response to rsvp for wifey…

  1. Puff says:

    I hadn’t thought about this, but I think I do have a list. Let’s see…

    1. Superman Status – It seems like men wanna come in and save the day every now and then. Like performing random services makes them feel good. I tend to call on Daddy for those things. I feel like as long as you’re not committed to being here there’s not a lot of reason for me to lean your way.

    2. Domestication – I get the financial and physical incentives to shack up. But honestly, by my observation chics who let that happen end up doing all the wifey work without the key wifey benefits. All downside.

    3. Relocation – I actually get geeked at the idea of long distance relationships (all that freedom!), but I’d probably move for my husband.

    4. Pregnancy – Single motherhood is not for me.

    5. Style Input – Temporary mates have zero say in clothing and hairstyling decisions.

    6. Roster Veto – If you’re not here long-term, you don’t get to decide who else I’m spending time with. I still wouldn’t like it, but if the hubby said someone had to go, they’d prolly go.

    I guess I did have a list =).

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