the enemy within…

men are dogs…and we are destined to go through life screwing up any and all good that ever comes our way…we never know a good thing when we have it…yada yada yada… well…i have some late breaking news…it appears that while we’re racing through this life, consistently coloring outside the lines, it’s some of you that are actually supplying the crayolas…while ubf was out in these streets trying to eradicate infidelity wherever it occurred, some of you ladies have been doing your very best to thwart these efforts…i am looking at you well informed mistresses…those of you out there purposely wiping your back sweat on sheets washed by unsuspecting girlfriends and wives…you should be ashamed of yourselves…leading us to believe that these homes were out here wrecking themselves…

all this time we thought it was that pesky xy chromosome pairing that left us predisposed to these extramarital/relationship threatening tryst…so imagine our surprise when we realized that there are some of you who are currently peddling your panty candies at the doorsteps of weak fleshed guys you know to already be involved with other young ladies…some of whom are sharing addresses, last names and offspring…shame on you (wagging finger sternly in your direction fantasia)…

you see, we thought that you ladies had at least agreed amongst yourselves that cats who were already spoken for were off limits…that our friend mr. swizz beats would never have to worry about alicia keys showing up at his house to crawl across his piano like a bengal tiger tracking it’s prey…i’m sure alicia knew that swizz already had a wife…while i, on the other hand, had no such marital arrangement…but i do have a casio keyboard that would’ve been way easier crawl across…and i friggin love tigers…

speaking of…how about our compadre mr. woods…traveling the world honing his golf game by day, hanging out in lonely bars by night…all the while trying to dodge the love putty being tossed his way by homely waitresses and unemployed exotic dancers…they all had to know of his wife elin at home slaving over a warm gourmet cook while watching the nanny watch with the kids…

not to mention other home wrecking balls angelina jolie, gabrielle union and the infamous monica lewinsky…(note to self: call attorney and have divorce papers drawn up for the day that keys, jolie or union show up at my white picket fenced post marital suburban estate…and a restraining order for lewinsky)…

this activity must stop…and to us the next step is very simple…an all woman’s symposium where you ladies will set the ground rules for how you will prevent such home wreckage from occurring in the future…the agenda for this gathering should include, but not be limited to the following:

– how to not offer your cookies to those guys with wives permanent bakers…

– how to keep your man so filled with cookie love that he couldn’t “possibly eat another bite”…

– how to expect nothing in the divorce if your voluntary lack of baking practice sent him in search of extra cookies…

– how to establish a cookie of the month club for your guys here at ubf…(winter is on the way so we’d really prefer this one get implemented sooner rather than later)…

the floor is now open for additional topics or solutions to the ones that have been established…we will now leave you to talk amongst yourselves…but do it in the comments section so we can hear you…

elrock…fulton county housing inspector…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

47 Responses to the enemy within…

  1. ~R says:

    “We thought that you ladies had at least agreed amongst yourselves that cats who were already spoken for were off limits.”

    Really? You thought that? Where the hell did you get that idea?

    [Note: if this is true, for the record, i never voted on this]

    If I meet a guy, and he’s nice to me, and he makes me laugh, and he’s cool to hang around, and he pays for everything, he’s probably good in the sack, and his wife/ gf is not licensed to carry a firearm, remind me again why i shouldn’t kick it with / sleep with / entertain him? Cause he has a wife / girlfriend? Negative.

    There is no reason for any woman (who is not a friend, relative, or colleague of the wife/ gf in question) to care about the wife any more than the man does. There is absolutely nothing wrong with two CONSENTING adults hanging out with one another and having sex. Now, if one individuals involved is married (to someone else), then that person, and only that person is accountable to his/her spouse not the mistress.

    Not to mention, men will always find ways to cheat even if you take “mistresses” out of the equation (other dudes, farm animals, small children, take your pick, anything with a pulse that can blink will suffice).

    Besides, infidelity has it’s perks. A few discreet affairs here and there is way better than getting a divorce because you and the wife/hubby aren’t doing it anymore. Assuming she doesn’t go batshit and pulls a “fatal attraction” AND assuming the guy doesnt run off with the mistress, mistresses actually help keep marriages together.

    Mistresses are like cockroaches. They’ve been here since the beginning of time, and they will be here until the end.

    • i must be watching too many wedding planning shows because the time and effort that seem to go into pulling those things together really lead me to believe that the “one man/one woman” concept was generally accepted by most to be for life…i suppose i stand corrected…and all this time i’ve been avoiding marriage for no good reason…

    • morningjoi says:

      Wow. I really hate that this is the first comment on this topic.

    • Mo says:

      Well said!
      I know it is considered ‘wrong’ to have sexual relations w/ someone who is involved with someone else, but damn… If the man makes me laugh, is nice to me, cool to be around, and wines & dines me every now & then… why not entertain him or sleep with him?

      I know what I’m getting myself into and I know that nothing will come out of this type of relationship, besides having a buddy. If that’s what I want at that time… then why not?

      It only becomes a sticky situation when actual emotions or feelings (besides the friendship ones) are involved between the hubby & mistress. If it gets to that point, then it’s time to break that thing up.

      • so…questions for r and mo…i’m assuming that neither of you are devoutly religious or currently involved in a monogamous relationship (correct me if i’m wrong here)…

        any thought to karma or the thought that you reap what you sow…or have you 2 given up on the idea of having a man all to yourselves…

        assuming you haven’t…does your opinion on this change at all once mo finds out that her future manfriend is camping out on cookie island with r…or vice versa…

      • Mo says:

        You are not wrong. I haven’t been to church in a long time nor am I currently involved in a monogamous relationship. It doesn’t seem realistic to me anymore.

        I do believe in karma, and I know that if I do indulge in sexy time with a married man then eventually I’ll get whats coming my way. I have also given up on that idea of actually being in a monogamous relationship.

        My opinion won’t change if my manfriend is camping out with R. I’ve actually come expect that it will happen at some point.

      • ~R says:

        Lol.

        @ Morning Joi: so sorry to have started the comments off this way. Not sure what would’ve been better though. A lie, perhaps.

        @ Mo: we seem to be on the same page and i gather a lot of women are, they’re just too cowardly to admit it or they do it and like Fantasia, pretend that they didn’t know (he was married).

        @us, bottles, and friends: you’re correct about the non-religious part, but please know that religious women do it too, but again, they’re too cowardly to admit it. Even if i got married, like Mo, my opinion wouldnt change. The married person is still and will only be the one accountable to the spouse, not some 3rd party who’s doing her own thing and never made a promise to anyone. Also, let me point out that like Mo, i have no delusions of this man being a suitable partner or a reliable or trustworthy person (that’s why the wife has nothing to worry about, I don’t want him, he’s a cheater! Not planning in stealing him away from her ever). Last, as far as Karma, i don’t believe in karma. Karma is not real. The whole idea that we respect the sanctity of marriage (what is that anyway) only gives married women a false sense of security. Nobody owes you anything or even cares for that matter. Everyone is out to do them and if your man makes himself available to me AND I FEEL LIKE kicking it with him, again, why not?

      • dcb says:

        “Everyone is out to do them and if your man makes himself available to me AND I FEEL LIKE kicking it with him, again, why not?”

        Um…maybe because it ain’t all about you and what you feel?

    • two cents says:

      “~R” – I genuinely feel sorry for you….i am assuming you are still young enough to attract men…but when the hotness fades I hope you enjoy the cats

  2. Marcie says:

    “cookie of the month club” — smdh

    • morningjoi says:

      Sidenote: you guys are using cookies in two different ways on here –

      “Giving up the cookies” which I’ve gathered to mean vomiting due to excessive alcohol consumption.

      “Offer your cookies/cookie love/cookie of the month club” which is an homage to Steve Harvey’s metaphor skills also known as “sexy time” in UBF world.

      Wanted to point that out for anyone that might be unclear. :-)

      • i apologize for the possible mix up…i was hoping the context would clear up any confusion…i didn’t know mr. harvey also used cookies…i chose to use it because…well…i just like cookies…

  3. wgordon7997 says:

    pink cookies in a plastic bag….getting crushed by a building…

    anyway, damn. really ladies? At first glance (and maybe upon second & third looks, but for arguments sake we’ll just take a quick peek) it seems like r & mo both ‘jazzy belles’ that have no problem getting it in with the next woman’s man. although the responsibilty not to cheat ultimately lies with the party who is capable of cheating (the one in a relationship) but damn, just because you dont have a drug addiction doesnt mean you should dangle freshly baked cinnamon-sprinkled crack rocks in front of a fiend’s face…. they just might smoke em.

  4. dcb says:

    I can condemn stealing even if no one stole from me. It’s called respecting social norms. Wedding vows and monogamy are part of our social norm. Infidelity happens, but still most sane people are at least aspiring and trying to be faithful to their partners. Marriage is a social contract as much as it is a relationship between two people. Not respecting that makes you an outcast in our society. I’m not scorned wives get the green light to throw hot grease on a mistress – as has been pointed out by the commentary, that mistress took no vows to the wife or anyone else – but that don’t make what the mistress did right or okay. I’ll only go on the record as casting judgment upon those who disrepect marriage vows – not saying it’s cool to hunch on the cohabiting or committed, but just that I recognize there can be gray areas there sometimes. But married dudes? That’s just gross.

    And there is definitely something to the idea that you reap what you sow. Call it karma or the golden rule or whatever you like but that’s also been around as long as roaches and mistresses. Just because you don’t believe in something doesn’t mean it ain’t real….

    I sense bitterness and it’s really stinking up the place.

    • ~R says:

      Respecting social norms is cool. But it can also be enslaving. Luckily, I’m my own person and as my own person, before and after i do anything, I consult my own conscience. If my conscience is okay with it, what anybody else thinks doesn’t matter. But your comment/condemnation is well taken.

      But just for clarification, a marriage contract is only between 3 parties: the bride, the groom, and the state. No one else is a party to that contract and as such no one else is bound by that contract. To try to hold anyone else accountable under it is misguided. Just because it’s not socially acceptable or the norm, don’t mean it ain’t right; just means it’s not popular. Nothing wrong with that. I can live with that. Never been interested in bein popular.

      Also, how is it any different than having sex with a man who is single and not committed, but “dating” and having sex with more than one woman. Is this not also “gross”? How is it different? Because the man is married or committed? “Married”, is just a title, a designation, a fiction. It doesn’t change the person or change the people around the person. I’m not deluded in that way. No bitterness, just being real.

      I realize that it’s a touchy subject and people get emotional about it or people erect all kinds of fallacies around “marriage”, but really, how is it different? Better yet, what about polygamy which is legal and acceptable in many countries? Is having sex with a man who has sex with others fundamentally different just because it’s the social norm?

      Again, let me point out that although cheating is not socially acceptable, it’s quite practical. Mistresses keep marriages together as passion tends to dry out in long term relationships and if people left marriages just to fulfill a physical urge, our marriage turnover rate would be much higher than it is now. Is it practical to leave a marriage just because there is no more passion? No. Mistresses are like lawyers. Everybody hates them but they sure do come in handy when your back is against the wall.

      • dcb says:

        If you think that marriage is nothing but a title or designation, then you just fundamentally disagree with elrock, me, and many of the other commentators here and with the majority of US society. I get you don’t care about “popularity”, just saying there isn’t any common ground if you don’t accept that fundamental premise.

        As for the practicality argument – eh – it’s also practical to push your baby mama-to-be down the stairs because you don’t want to pay child support. As I said, infidelity happens, but its one thing for people to make human mistakes, because the flesh is weak, and its another to act like your socially undesirable behavior is right/okay/justifiable. It’s really just not.

      • ~R says:

        if you think “infidelity happens” or it’s a “mistake”, then you’re beyond reach. Infidelity is very planned, my dear. And even when it’s not planned out too far ahead, there is always, always, always that moment when that person can choose to stop. The flesh is weak but it ain’t that weak. I am not an apologist for infidels. I accept that cheating is a part of life but i won’t pretend that it’s an accident. It’s that apologist attitude that keeps men cheating, not mistresses. If wives/gf are there to excuse it, then there’s little to no incentive to stop cheating. Now is there.

        As far as pushing your baby mama down a flight of steps to avoid child support. Practical? Maybe. But against the law? For sure. Your analogy fails because again, a mistress is a 3rd party, she is not directly doing harm to the aggrieved. You seem to be missing that part and resting your entire judgment on the socially acceptable bit. Which is the same argument used to condemn gays and others who have non-conventional lifestyles. The bottom line is this: you don’t like it, you would never do it yourself, and you probably wouldn’t keep friends that do. This, however, doesn’t make the act wrong. Condemning someone just because you happen to disagree with what they do doesn’t make you or what you do acceptable. Know that.

  5. Blknancydrew says:

    I think when you have no qualms with sleeping with a man that is already involved…. You have reached the point of desperation.

  6. missjluke says:

    DCB – great points. I would add that in addition to bitterness, the comments made by these …she-wolves reek of desperation, lack of self worth and self respect, a weak self esteem and little to no morals.

    “The whole idea that we respect the sanctity of marriage (what is that anyway) only gives married women a false sense of security.” And you have security in what? Sexing every dude who’s willing to buy you a good meal? Do better, sweetie.

    • dcb says:

      “I would add that in addition to bitterness, the comments made by these …she-wolves reek of desperation, lack of self worth and self respect, a weak self esteem and little to no morals. ”

      Qualities which ensure that she-wolves will likely never have husbands of their own unless they straighten out…because as low down, dirty, and doggish as men can be, they will also be straight up hyprocrites about your worth if you lay down in the mud with them.

  7. Carver says:

    “- how to keep your man so filled with cookie love that he couldn’t “possibly eat another bite”…”

    The above tactic not only keeps a man satisfied but physiologically speaking, we only have so much in the tank, so it is quite effective

    I had a gf employ this tactic in a previous relationship. Although I was young (19) and dumb, I was not full of…you know. So even though I was surrounded by temptation I just didn’t have the “energy” to indulge (read: do anything stupid).

    If this happened more often, the successful marriage rate would be higher than George Clinton.

  8. Almost a Mrs. says:

    I normally do not comment on blogs, but I almost feel the need to for this one. Though I agree that the “mistress” made no vows and in no way shape or form owes an apology to the cheating man’s better half – you should not be with a married man and why would you want to be? Even if that man is miserably married and detests his wife, he is still married to her because he wants to be there and you sleeping with him and letting him pamper you is him just waiting for the panties to drop and killing time before he goes home to her, cause at the end of the day, each and every day, he goes come to his wife, sleeps in their mutual bed, under their mutual roof. He looks at you as simply, the woman I can Fu*k. Compare yourself to that girl that stops when a man honks his car and says “hey mama!” We always ponder why men do it; well it only takes that one woman to stop. Do you really want to be that woman?

    And…if your cookie is really that good, as I am assuming Alicia’s is as she got her man, than I almost feel sorry for you. Guarantee that you will spend the rest of your life wondering where is he when he is late, what is he up to? Cause you know your game was sick, but every pro falls to another player and as a player, you know that – vicious cycle isn’t it? And typically, how you got in the game, foreshadows how you will get out.

    Additionally, you can’t tell me that being a mistress is positive, the wife has the home, the respect because she does not know you exist because he does everything in his power to shield her from such pain, access to bank accounts and more importantly the life insurance – so at the end of the day, she is the one protected from the lies and the why can’t he just pick me syndrome, until she finds out of course – therefore she is the one with the power, not HIM, all he gets is another women willing to tolerate his infidelity and live out the fantasies that his WIFE, won’t allow him to do. He knows that he can throw being married in your face cause you let him, you are with him despite knowing. He comes out the winner – I can’t even hate on him for that. I do however feel like if you as a woman are ok with it and think it is ok, religious or not, social norm or not, then you are just selfish and sadly have blocked out inner growth and respect for your sex. Why would you even want a man that can only be half yours? I know I like to indulge whenever I want. I don’t want limits and restrictions on my man, especially from another woman.

    Now – I am not for or against marriage – I agree that is is a social norm. However, if you decide to fall into that norm, then respect the game that you vowed to enter. No one likes a cheat – in any shape or form.

    Not saying that you shouldn’t live your life, just live it with people that want to live it with you, in a demeanor that doesn’t involve a third party who is ignorant to your existence. Why would you want to hurt someone or even have your name attached to anything negative?

    In the end, marriage is a union. It is a commitment between two people that say, wow, I can stand you for the rest of my existence here, you have my back, I have yours and wow, we can have great sex and combined incomes too. That’s all it is. But that is pretty much everything and if didn’t mean so much, people wouldn’t do it. So to want to ruin or think it is ok to get involved in that union is just selfish. Go find your own man and when you find out that he is mixing up cookie dough to get numerous flavors because he found a baker that thinks it is ok, let’s see how you react. Not cool ladies, not cool, I expect more from us….

  9. ~R says:

    You see, comments like: “desperation”, “she-wolves”, “bitterness”, “low self-worth”, “weak self-essteem”, “amoral” are typical of women who are more likely than not, themselves, desperate, bitter, and of low self-worth.

    Condemning women who sleep with men who are involved reeks of insecurity. If you are secure in your relationship and yourself, these women wouldn’t bother you. But they do. Not because you have any real moral platform to stand on–still no one has made the case for what moral law is being broken here–but because mate poaching is your primary fear and you hope that the name-calling will discourage this behavior in other women.

    I guess you can add “deluded” to that list because if you think that’s going to stop men from cheating or women from sleeping with men who are involved, you are wrong. Again, nobody cares about you and nobody owes it to you to keep their hands off your guy. If he pursues them while he’s with you, that speaks volumes about him AND you. Yet your contempt is reserved for the mistress. Typical.

    • dcb says:

      “You see, comments like: “desperation”, “she-wolves”, “bitterness”, “low self-worth”, “weak self-essteem”, “amoral” are typical of women who are more likely than not, themselves, desperate, bitter, and of low self-worth.”

      This isn’t an argument. You’re saying it, but doesn’t make it so. That said, I agreed with what was said in this respect but I wasn’t repeating it for that point, just for context. I hear you. Name calling doesn’t really help.

      “Condemning women who sleep with men who are involved reeks of insecurity. If you are secure in your relationship and yourself, these women wouldn’t bother you. But they do. Not because you have any real moral platform to stand on–still no one has made the case for what moral law is being broken here–but because mate poaching is your primary fear and you hope that the name-calling will discourage this behavior in other women.”

      The moral platform is to do unto others as you want them to do you. If you don’t accept this moral premise – which is accepted the world over – then that’s fine, but doesn’t make it less legit.

      I’m not married, but if I were, the concern would be that my man is weak of flesh, as most men are. My husband will be, by definition, a married man and will carry himself out in the world as such. He’s not going to pursue other women – as I’m sure the blog authors will verify, women do offer up the goodies to men in relationships. If he does pursue other women, then we’re getting divorced. But if you understand men – not make excuses for, but UNDERSTAND – then you understand that men don’t always think with the big head. They are just much more suspectible to making these kinds of mistakes. Which is why it is a problem when some women have just no problem with getting down with married men.

      I wouldn’t throw hot grease on a hoe but I will wonder why she had to set out for my husband and mess with my family. Why would she knowingly cause me pain, and him pain, and in turn cause our children pain? Why, when there are unattached men she can seek out? That’s the issue.

      “I guess you can add “deluded” to that list because if you think that’s going to stop men from cheating or women from sleeping with men who are involved, you are wrong. Again, nobody cares about you and nobody owes it to you to keep their hands off your guy. If he pursues them while he’s with you, that speaks volumes about him AND you. Yet your contempt is reserved for the mistress. Typical.”

      This paragraph just reeks of bitterness. Why are you so seemingly vested in messing with other people’s happiness? And you’re putting up strawmen here – contempt is not “reserved” for mistresses. If my husband cheats on me it’s going to be a serious issue in our marriage. It might the end of our marriage. But that’s not what’s being discussed. What’s being discussed is the culpability of the women who knowingly and with reckless disregard (the lawyer in me) take part in home-wrecking.

      • dcb says:

        Also – it’s not about “mate poaching” because my husband probably isn’t going to leave me for some woman he cheated on me with. As I said above, men are real hyprocrites about this stuff. Most men aren’t interested in getting booed up with Jezebels and most men take marriage more seriously than women do (surprise). I don’t like this about men, but women aren’t perfect either so I accept it.

      • ~R says:

        Just so you know, “do unto others” is not moral law, it’s a moral guide.

        Big difference.

        In our comings and goings in this world, people get hurt. That’s a fact of life. At some point in all our lives, we are all culpable for some one else’s pain. Know that.

        But again, to pin any kind of responsibility on the mistress is wrong. I only hear emotion from you and the others, but all your arguments are pretty light on the logic. Where is the universal rule that is being broken here??? No one has answered that question yet.

        Also, let me point out that presumptuous to assert that “other women” have a vested interest in disrupting someone’s home. Not true. I keep telling you, WE SHE DOESN’T CARE. Plus, nine times out of ten, it’s the married guy who’s pursuing the woman, not the other way round (although there are some women of this ilk who do intentionally seduce married men, but not all). The man isn’t just a willing participant, or some idle bumbling clod, he initiates it most of the time. So she’s at fault for giving in and indulging him? C’mon. Really?

  10. wgordon7997 says:

    “You aint needy, greedy or easy as these other breezy’s
    who f-ck for bottles of Riesling and bowls of baked ziti”

    oh you UN-fancy huh?

  11. TT says:

    Wow boys. You really sparked some ish with this one! Let me digress from my normal carnal responses to your blogs and get real dougie right quick.

    Miss “~R” has said that no one has mentioned the moral law being broken in this situation. And the truth of the matter is if you have not the Lord in your life, you won’t know what is being broken. And if you don’t know Him, the rest of my comment will probably bore the pants off you, but here goes.

    In the beginning, God created Adam & Eve. Not Eve, and Laquishe and Angela and ’em. The initial institution of marriage was intended to be for one man and one woman, only. Not to deprive the man or the woman for that matter of sexual gratification, but quite the contrary. Sex was given to us by God so that we would multiply and replenish the earth after he judged it in the flood. (for the record, said judgement was because the world was full of sin, including fornication (sex outside of wedlock), homosexuality, etc.)

    It cannot be sensibly argued, that the deviation from this Godly institute has not in fact become the demise of our human race. It has indisputably created a society where children are born to mothers with no fathers. The familial system has broken down to such a degree that being a single mother is looked at as a badge of honor, and “baby daddy” has become a funny term. Our children are less apt to finish high school because they have to work to help support a family of 5 because the mother has continued to have children hoping that one of these men who laid with her will step in and make her an honest woman.

    I am a single mother. As much as I adore my daughter and would never change the fact that she is here, I would MUCH rather have been married and given birth to a child whose father I at least thought would make us a family. That was a mistake on my part.

    The truest problem in marriages overall is that each spouse has resorted to seeking gratification outside of marriage, rather than looking to see how they can please the person with whom they have chosen to spend their life. We have forgotten that the Bible tells the women to submit herself to her husband and tells the husband to love his wife. God was not instructing us as a suggestion, He was giving the order for what He divinely instituted. He is our Creator. he knew ahead of time that not doing as He said would create the world in which we live.

    I am a single woman. Being married or not is not a huge deal to me at this point and at my age. But I will say this, I treat every man that I enter into a relationship as if he is my potential husband to be. As mouthy, independent, and self-sufficient as I am, I absolutely enjoy conceding those characteristics to the man in my life. I hope to choose a man whom I trust, not to not cheat, but trust with making decisions for our life. Trust that he has my best interests at heart…and trust that he will in fact be faithful to me. Not because I am delusional, but for the following reasons:

    #1 He loves the Lord and knows that His Word tells him to love me
    #2 I do everything in power to make me a hard act to follow

    For instance not only cooking his dinner, but making his plate, making sure he has salt, pepper and hot sauce; a napkin; drink of choice, silverware…and absolutely no reason to do anything other than sit down and enjoy the meal I have prepared fresh for him.

    When he has finished, pick up his plate, ask if he wants seconds, or more to drink and allow him not to have to move so he can watch his football game. And after I’ve washed the dishes and put away the food, watch it with him.

    Make sure when he comes home from work, I don’t look a mess, but rather I look like a dime as soon as he steps in the door. Ask him how his day was. Listen to what he says. Draw his bath water. Lotion his body.

    Allow him time to spend with his boys without having to hear my mouth. Allow him to be in control, even if I secretly have manipulated his decision-making. Shower him with compliments and affection.

    Not trip when he looks at a beautiful woman, but rather, compliment her as well to show your security in the fact that other woman exist, but you still are the best option for him.

    If he becomse your husband, fu#k the ish out of him! Try new things. Swallow- and act like you enjoy it.

    There are so many ways to keep a man happy and interested, which takes away the power from the would-be mistresses. I choose not to name call because the fact of the matter is many women are willing to be the other woman. As wives, we have to be willing to be ALL the woman. If he strays, he’ll come back if you want him to. It is up to each woman to determine where her boundaries with this lie.

    But more often than not, if you have a man of God, he will honor and respect you, because you honor and respect him! So often we talk about chivalry being dead, being a virtuous woman has died as well.

    Marriage can be a wonderful thing. And not all men cheat….and if you wonder why I’m single, it’s because I’m cute as hell and I’m picky!

    One love-

  12. Bug says:

    Let me just start off by saying It’s always great to be reassured that all men don’t cheat, but the fact is the stats are stacked against you (I think Lyfe Jennings said it best w/ statistics).

    But back to the topic at hand… My girls & I are constantly coming across the topic of the so called “Woman Code.” While yes, I believe the rule exists that you should not mess with an unavailable man, I completely disagree with the idea that (most) men are on this journey of “eradicating their fidelity” and us single women are the reason that they can’t be faithful. Most men, when dealing with females, know exactly what they’re doing when they stare/smile at you for a second too long, casually touch you one time too many times and laugh/joke with you on one too many inappropriate topics. Basically men understand when they are playing with fire and can’t expect all women to to come to the table with fire extinguishers. It’s in our nature as women to be vulnerable to affection so we are clearly already “handicapped” in the situation… LOL (I had to laugh at that one, but it’s true!!)

    Therefore… If a man (not a boy) truly wants to be faithful and cherish his bottomless cookie jar (aka significant other) than he won’t even come close to playing with fire.

    • Bug says:

      ** “eradicating their INFIDELITY”

      • ~R says:

        Well said.

        Allow me to co-sign and add this:

        The only men you can be assured don’t cheat and won’t ever cheat (even if the opportunity presents itself), are men who are morally averse to cheating. Cheating begins, not when a person drops their drawers, but rather the moment a person makes the decision to cheat and disregards their vows or the pledge they made to their partner and chooses to entertain, lay down with, or give their affection to another.

        The mistress has nothing to do with that decision, that decision is all his. Free will overrules “weak flesh.” A mistress does not facilitate cheating anymore than McDonald’s facilitates obesity or overeating. They simply provide a goods/a service to people who WILLINGLY and on their own volition come to them for it.

        I can’t say that what mistresses do is right or wrong OR positive or negative. They just do what they do. That is all. I think the moment women begin remove accountability from the mistress and focus on the only person they can actually enforce the marriage contract upon (the spouse), the sooner the mistress will become an afterthought.

  13. The weaker vessel says:

    My initial reaction is: A. this is a well written article by ubf… B. the lack of male responders, C. the number of female responders, and D. the exchange b/w the female responsers..

    Here’s my take (another female:):

    I. The bible was written for God’s people… & not for the ‘other nations’ (note: at that time the Israelites were GOD’s people and not the Canaanites, the Syrians, the Samaritans, etc)…now GOD’s people are called Christians-followers of Christ, because of the ransom sacrifice we have a New Law Covenant. Additionally, Christ said ‘my sheep will hear my voice’ & ‘those exercising faith in Him will have everlasting life’… So basically you will show yourself to be a ‘believer’ by your actions…

    II. There seems to be conflict b/w the believers and the non-believers… you can’t make someone agree with you… even if you are right… for believers, it’s best to follow Bible principles because it will ‘benefit you and those who LISTEN to you’… your job is ‘to make disciples of the people and teach them the Word of God’, but to those who will listen… ONLY GOD can draw people…

    III. Christian women & men should ‘marry only in the Lord’… b/c there is an arrangement: GOD is Head of the Christ->Christ is Head of the Man->Man is Head of the Woman-> … notice… everyone has a Head except GOD… In a marriage you want to yoke with another believer who has strong principles and values… it’s a weighty matter b/c scripturally – fornication/adultery is the only ground for divorce… however, choosing to divorce is a personal matter b/w husband & wife …. I will add forgiveness is a requirement for Christians b/c we all sin & fall short (note: you can forgive a person & still divorce them for adultery)…

    IV. There is no one size fit all answer to this discussion b/w their are many scenarios… decide for YOURSELF what you believe and honor it through your actions… GOD is the only judge… & whether you believe his Word or not he still renders judgement (Remember the Flood, Sodom & Gomorrah, & now we speak of Armageddon)

    V. A few other points of clarification:
    1. Jezebel was not a harlot/whore – she was an arrogant, lofty queen who challenged God… Rahab was the harlot, who hid the spies, changed her ways and became a great grandmother of Jesus..
    2. The golden rule (which is actually 1 of 2 laws of the New Law Covenant for Christians)- ‘Love your neighbor as you love yourself’ is actually moral law..

  14. ~R says:

    While religious tenets are often mistaken for moral law, they are not; although many people, usu. religious people, tend to draw their morals from religious teachings.

    But I have to agree that not every one thinks that god is sovereign over them and as such won’t find a lot of common ground with those who think that God is sovereign over them. However, let me point out that some atheists, agnostics, and non-theists–who contrary to popular belief, are not amoral–do believe that adultery is immoral and as such, condemn or don’t participate in the practice.

  15. The weaker vessel says:

    @ R: Maybe I don’t understand how you are defining ‘moral law’… please elaborate… when I think of moral law, I think of GOD’s Law… is there another law you’re referring to?

    • ~R says:

      @Vessel: Sure, i understand moral law to be that which is universally accepted.

      The most universal are:
      -1- don’t lie or cause your words/actions to deceive another (don’t cheat is a sub cat of this)
      -2- don’t do violence to another and don’t deprive another human being of life or limb
      -3- don’t deprive another of their property

      those are the 3 that I understand to be pretty universally accepted across the board and all others (that are universally accepted) seem to be mere by products of the first 3

      further, those who practice islam don’t believe in 1 wife to 1 man; eastern religions tend to recognize more than one god; and atheists & agnostics don’t recognize a god at all. As such, these folks do not govern themselves by “GOD’s Law”. Does that make them amoral or immoral?

      also, if you or anyone else can prove that you know the inerrant word of god, do tell

      • Tina says:

        First… Awesome post. :) I hope you get your cookies soon.
        Second, awesome chain… I read nearly every entry.
        Third, Sorry in advance for the long post.
        Fourth I’m in a committed relationship, am spiritual, hyper-moral, have never cheated nor (to my knowledge) been cheated on and it’s safe to say have a reputation for being gf of the year… That said, I actually… (Wow) Actually, for the most part (WOW) agree with R. (WOOOW.) I always seek to understand.
        Fifth, shocking agreement aside, I gotta call foul on R’s logic ’cause you done told on yo’sef with this:
        “Sure, i understand moral law to be that which is universally accepted.

        The most universal are:
        -1- don’t lie or cause your words/actions to deceive another (don’t cheat is a sub cat of this)
        -2- don’t do violence to another and don’t deprive another human being of life or limb
        -3- don’t deprive another of their property”

        HUH!?!?!? ‘Till that point the argument could make sense because the question of moral law was ambiguous… Leaving accountability ambiguous too. Then R clearly laid out a moral code of three laws, all of which are violated by both parties to infidelity.

        I honestly felt challenged and intrigued until I read R’s personal definition of moral law. Oh well.

        I’d submit the following pretty bow to wrap up this fussiness:
        “-1- don’t lie or cause your words/actions to deceive another (don’t cheat is a sub cat of this)”
        Y’all both lyin’ and cheatin’ and deceivin’ others and yourselves. I could use proper English but that’s a fact.

        “-2- don’t do violence to another and don’t deprive another human being of life or limb”
        Direct violence: http://www.epigee.org/guide/stds.html
        Indirect violence: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crime_of_passion

        “-3- don’t deprive another of their property”
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce

      • ~R says:

        Gosh, Tina! Thank you.

        Well I guess that settles it. After 40+ comments, you’ve managed to singlehandedly resolve all this back and forth in one comment. Man, I see why you’re girlfriend of the year. You’re not only committed, spiritual, hyper-moral, faithful, and a great blogger, you’re an absolute genius! Plus, those wiki cites really cleared this whole thing up. I wonder why no one else thought of that first. Oh well, excellent work!

  16. The weaker vessel says:

    Ok… so we’ve established there is no consensus on a ‘moral law’ for non-believers because their is no one book, tenet, or leader who speaks for all the non-believers (because really they believe different things)… However, Christians have a ‘moral law’ which is detailed in GOD’s word the Bible…

    Christians don’t have to defend GOD’s word… it’s either you believe it or you do not…

    Now let’s get back to the original issue… the ‘enemy within’… the article implies the ‘mistress’ should be ashamed for cheating with a married man… it’s only a problem if 1. one or both cheating parties believes cheating is wrong and/or 2. the spouse of the cheating party believes cheating is wrong… the lesson is: be careful who you marry & take the time to see & understand what your potential spouse believes…

    The ‘other woman’ has no legal agreement with the wife (generally-but some states have provisions for cheating). And if the mistress is a non-believer, she has no moral agreement to the wife. So all this talk about married women being delusional about men and marriage, the other woman having low self-esteem, being insecure & desperate, cheating helping a marriage, and the likes… is really clouding the discussion because of the different belief systems. Bottom line- if you are married and Christian-adultery is wrong… and if cheating occurs the FOCUS should be on the marriage to determine what’s the problem and if the marriage is salvageable.

    If you are not Christian do what you believe is right…

    • ~R says:

      @ Ms. Vessel: I agree with you…wholeheartedly.

      And with that…i’m out!

      • The Mrs says:

        as a newly married woman, i just want to ask you to do this, put yourself in that man’s wife’s place. i don’t want to respond with any emotiions to this article, i will say it is hard, but i will try my best.

        passion running out….please don’t fall for thiis game. marriage is hard. and passion never runs out. it’s just so difficult to understand why any woman would believe a man who says this to her. maybe they are going through problems, that a single person will NEVER understand. men are men, and they hate to be wrong, but when a man’s decisions directly affects his family, their household, their well being, then he needs to be called out on it. and men hate to be called out on some bullisht, so of course, he will be upset. it will be so much easier to go and mess around with someone who doesn’t hold him to his responsibilites,…the mistress.

        and absolutely, the mistress didn’t make any vows or promises to the wife, i get that. but don’t most people live their life to be a better person? and when you think about it, sleeping with someone else’s husband really doesn’t qualify. you owe the wife nothing, but what if that wife were you? really, how would you feel? why would you want to do that to someone else? as a wife, i can’t hold the mistress responsible for my trifling husband’s ways, but i can say i wouldn’t ever want to walk in her shoes. she would not be someone i would aspire to be.

        and lastly, i think all women should be from Texas…because i love guns like i love my husband. and he knows it.

  17. all of this talk has been cool, but i still haven’t seen that “cookie of the month” thing worked out (looking at watch, folding arms and tapping toes)…

    of course this post was partially in jest…we know the responsibility that we as men are suppose to have in protecting our own marriages and relationships and that the decision to step outside the bounds of those pre-established exclusivity agreements lies solely with us…however, we are often surprised (naive as we may be) to find that there are so many women out there who are so eager to help us screw up our own lives and by default screwing up the lives of “their sisters”…but knowing that some of you don’t really see them as sisters helps it all make sense…

    and now we’re left with the task of trying to drop a thurs topic that’s even a third as provocative as this…maybe the existence of santa…

    • S.P. says:

      The women that are involved with married / taken men feel that they are getting the “wifey treatment” and don’t have to deal with the wifey crap. And they think so what I have to give it up here and there for those gifts. If its pleasurable too its an added bonus in their eyes..They don’t think about the ramifications of their action and do care to see the domino effect…..They think it is always gonna be a good time bc time is limited so it will be maximized. No sitting down on the couch and watching Glee. They are out and about being wined n dined…….So for them its maximum reward for minimum effort aka sex…. But men enable that behavior by “rewarding” those women for their actions. So its deemed as acceptable…..And they are praised by their other friends bc they get trips and gifts. So being envied by friends and being rewarded for unethical behavior is acceptable. Bc ppl don’t get rewarded for doing bad things!!! And they are not envied by friends bc they are not living the good life!!! So those women are just jaded.

  18. Lydia says:

    Hi, my name is Lydia, I’m 46 and living in UK. Let me start by saying I am happily estranged from my unfaithful spouse. I’m new here. I just wanted to say hello and will be looking forward to seeing what I can learn here!

  19. Pingback: digital girl(s)… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

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