double-dipping is bad…

It is safe to say that we at ubf are not afraid of competition. Actually we are quite fond of it and seek it out when possible. But I’ve recently been made aware of a certain competitor that makes no sense whatsoever.

While most of us are in these mean streets sifting through candidates looking for Mr/Mrs Right (or for the more fortunate, holding tryouts for noteworthy applicants), there are some selfish folks double dipping in the guacamole bowl of dating. While I do hate guacamole, it still perturbs (sorry for such strong language to the new readers) me that 1) this is happening and 2) we (yes we) tolerate it.

I’ll first address those doing the double dipping.

One assumption here is that we are talking to good-for-nothing husbands. I’m not saying woman don’t step out but more cases of gents tight-roping the boundaries of marriage come across my virtual desk.

I’m not even going to touch on the moral piece of this discussion as it obviously doesn’t matter to you (or you’d be at home planning a trip to Home Depot with your better half). But why in the world where Tiger is writing checks for stacks of stacks of millions of dollars would you risk stepping out on wifey? I’ve spent the majority of my adult-tax-paying life trying to get FICA off the payroll so I’m not sure why you’d risk adding an additional payee to that “get money before I get my money” list.

For argument’s sake, let’s say your bank account is on the level of Tiger’s interest so it doesn’t feel like tricking because you got it. Guess what? Cheating still can not end positively. Your side piece is nothing like Cinderella and you are no prince so you can expect anything but a fairy tale ending. However, it can end in varying degrees of “damn I f***ed up” depending on the characters involved. You can only hope that your situation ends with Joey Grece and camera crew in tow ensuring that you don’t die.

But more importantly, why do we tolerate this double-dipping? There are a couple groups included in this we:

+ the side piece – we’ve been here before ubf but apparently we can’t state it enough times. So…side-chics never win…even if you are his first side-chic, you will not be the last…don’t believe me because you are different??…next time you need to go somewhere, sit in the passenger seat of your car and see what happens…it is simple mathematics…he shares sheets with you while he shares a bank account with her…do the math…

+ the friend of the side piece – if you truly care about your girl, then you will first smack the mess out of her for getting into this predicament and secondly continue the first step until she understands. If you are not up for this, then you shouldn’t be reading this section as you aren’t really a friend.

+ the friend of the adulterer – it is your responsibility to ensure your boy has enough money to: A) Cover the next round of drinks; B) Play fantasy football; C) In cases of emergency, bail you out of jail. His current trajectory is not going to allow any of those to happen which is going to have a direct impact on your quality of life. Can we say intervention?

Any questions? I didn’t think so. Actually I have one. Why do you think we tolerate this behavior ubf?

onetrik…mr. this is exactly what I think it is…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

5 Responses to double-dipping is bad…

  1. Pingback: there’s never a good time for crazy… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

  2. TT says:

    You can’t seriously ask why this is being tolerated if you want to avoid the moral fabric that makes it wrong…as a former side piece ( he wasn’t married, just had a girl) I tolerated it 1)because I had a man 2) When I didn’t have a man I got to keep having fun with a familiar party w/o the obligation and 3)he was just really friggin sexy!

    Only one of my girls really told me how I “deserved better” and should have “my own man” blah blah blah. She never really understood me.

    But in my defense. I have only voluntarily been the side-piece once. I’m usually the main gilr/bottom bit@$ type…

  3. TT says:

    Sidebar… I love that there is a “you’re posting comments too quickly. Slow down.” error message on here…

    I think I meant “defence”..

  4. RandomGirl says:

    First of all… how can you NOT like guacamole?

    Second of all… the side piece usually doesn’t have friends, or at least doesn’t have good friends. If she did she wouldn’t be a side piece. Side pieces have difficulty holding onto friends as they are usually just trashy enough to go after their bffs ex, current, or are otherwise getting caught with her hand in someone else’s cookie jar. Granted, there are occasional fuck-ups where a woman may slip out of her standards and do something fucked up (like a married man) but they don’t try to make a relationship out of it and definitely don’t make a habit of it. I know a couple serial side hoes and they are bitches and I’ve told them to their face that they need to get it together, get off the prozac and woman up.

    Third of all… the adulterer’s friends are either 1. In the dark entirely or 2. Hating the wife, or 3. A hoe themselves and they think that shit is funny and appreciate having an equally sleezy dude as a pal because they know they will have a backup for when they need an alibi for their own fuckups. Losers.

    Lastly, the side hoe. She’s a loser. Sorry if a sound judgmental but you are lousy and have no respect for yourself.

    • My dislike for guac has to do with the color and consistency…thanks for asking though…

      Also – I appreciate when someone shows up late to the party but still brings something with them…keep it up homie as you troll through the back catalogue of ubf foolery…

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